Monday, 29 December 2008
Well my God that belt think hurt!
She dressed up in a new waspie (christmas present), white shirt, and nothing on her bottom half. a sexier sight I could not imagine. I knelt down with my hands bound to my thighs kissing her lovely feet, her soft thighs and her bare pussy. After a few minutes of this she ordered me over the end of the bed where she proceeded to whip my ass with the belt, not starting slowly, straight in there. By number 10 I was wriggling around like a landed fish, by about 15 she figured out the flicking the belt back hand allows her to put a lot more power into the stroke, which she proceeded to do. By 25 my ass was on fire, my cock was aching hard and my smile was struggling to contain itself to my face. That was cheek one. The end of the belt kept flicking cheek two so it started off its turn already slightly sore. Luckily she stopped between cheeks to fondle my cock and balls from behind for a while, something I wasnt about to complain about! Cheek two was similar only slightly harder as she was getting the hang of the thing. She did back off a little for the middle strokes but wound up to some full blows for the last 8 or so. It was a burning pleasurable hell and I loved every minute of it, in fact a couple of minutes after she stopped I persuaded her to give me two more to each cheek, just for luck. Heheh. After that we went to bed, she was still a little poorly so decided she did not want to have sex, which of course meant no orgasm for me :)
For those of you that are wondering, she really enjoys spanking me. Even though she was still a bit poorly and didnt want sex she thoroughly enjoyed the spanking, loved seeing my 'cute ass' (her words) prone and squirming around. Enjoyed being mean and enjoyed my enjoyment of it. So much so that today, the 28th, after only three days without spanking me, she confessed to missing it and is planning another soon.
One final thing, the next HNT will show the aftermath.
Happy Christmas all!
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Words for the wordless,
Love giving voice where mind cannot purpose.
Soft curve that slices
Warmth that freezes,
Velvet skin that binds and squeezes
the heart, In darkness beating aching.
Light shattered, scattered, splendor undimmed
Reflected the tear the feeling within.
Tuesday, 16 December 2008
So 29 stroked each side, and I was squirming around like mad, but within a confined space. I had been warned that excessive squirming would restart the count! She was coming down with a bug so her arm wasnt at full power, and it still hurt. I should count myself lucky but I am honestly curious to see how far I can go, and at this level its still very very pleasurable. But also bloody painful. Its like you are thinking yes yes, no, no owowowowow, no, yes oh god yes more, owowowowowo stop, no dont stop ... Needless to stay she has fun watching me react.
I suspect that the next few days my bottom will have a respite.
Tonight my wife is sick, literally, she looks awful. My kids are sick, literally. Ive never seen them so unwell, and all at the same time. I dont feel too hot myself but not a patch on them. I can work, and come home and look after them, they struggled to get to the sofa to watch TV. Wish I could take the day off tomorrow to help out but there is too much important stuff happening. Bah! Poor little mites keep coughing till they make themselves sick then crying about it, my wife too. It would be cute if it werent so unpleasant for them.
Sunday, 14 December 2008
What am I babbling [sic] about you ask?
Well I love to give oral, I could spend hours between a girls legs, the act is pleasure enough, I don't need the favor returned... Analingus too. I have even gone down on a man and enjoyed it.
Honestly whats not to love. Face enveloped in soft warmth, touch, taste, sight, smell, senses overwhelmed in every way. Hearing the sounds of your lover moaning, feeling them writhing, intimately aware of every peak and crest of pleasure. Pulling lips with lips, licking slowly, teasing slowly, stabbing musk in darkened folds. Hair pulled and head mashed as her body arches in guttural desperate release.
My wife doesnt like it at all! Not in the slightest. It just does nothing for her. We have tried often enough in all sorts of ways. Perhaps 2-3 times a year it hits the spot but even then only for a short while. She likes fingers, cocks, toys and even whips, but not tongues down there.
Whats a man to do? :)
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
We missed the 6th, so on the 7th she gave me 13. By the end it stung big time. Not sure how I will get through 25 but hey, looking forward to finding out.
Loving this by the way, in case you hadnt guessed.
Thursday, 4 December 2008
on the first day of christmas my true love gave to me, 1 spank to each cheek
on the second day of christmas my true love gave to me, 2 spanks to each cheek
on the third day of christmas my true love gave to me, 3 spanks to each cheek
You get the drift. Only its with a paddle not her hand, and she knows how to use it. Oh and we wont stop at 24 because for Christmas she has bought a lovely new tawse which she plans to use to administer the last 25 spanks to each cheek on the big day. We tried it before we bought it, it makes the paddle look like a toy!
So thats my advent calender, I know what is behind each window :) Shes really enjoying it, glittery eyed and excitable. She is obviously frustrated that 1, 2, 3 etc are not enough and is really looking forward to the high numbers.. Heheh, I love her passion on this.
This is the woman whose mercy I will be at each night. Lovely isnt she, I just wish I could show you her face. The lovely smile that is lighting up her face and shining light into my life. You will just have to imagine it.
Monday, 1 December 2008
I am a very passionate person, physically demonstrative even in public, high sex drive, I like deep intimacy with my partner. I would spend quite a lot of time with her, lots of hugs and kisses, talk a lot... Some of my wife's friends are somewhat envious of her as she gets so much attention without even asking for it, while some of them are a little starved. You get the drift.
My wife is very different. She is fairly passionate but not about relationships. She used to be more guarded with her heart, opens up with friends less, tends to sit back and watch rather than dive in to the thick of things. Her passion is most obvious over food and holidays. She was also very repressed. Openminded for sure, and very accepting, but for herself repressed. She tells of a coffee shop she walked past for years on her way to work. Every time she wanted to walk in and try the cakes, but never actually did. She has a lot of stories like that.
Over the last few years our differences had grown to be the source of a huge problem between us. I need intense intimacy, she gets it from just being around which makes me feel like I am invisible. I need lots of passionate, different, exciting sex, she is happy with what she gets and has a lower sex drive. As the early years passed these problems became huge, tore us apart and almost caused a divorce more than once. Only our deep and fundamental love (and a hell of a lot of hard work) got us through those years. Many times we were so angry we had forgotton love, forgotten friendship, and all we could see was resentment and anger. Beneath it was still love else we wouldnt have bothered, but it was easy to forget for long periods. Almost all caused by a difference in our emotional language and our sexual needs.
I have come to the conclusion that to someone like me, someone who needs regular physical, verbal, intimate emotional affirmation and celebration of love, a relationship with a cooler headed less demanding person is not going to be easy. We worked at it for years, and eventually when things got so bad we were staring into the abyss, suddenly the nearness and horror of where we were began to combine with the hard work and foundations we had been building, and we started to climb out of the mess we were in. There had been green shoots and successes before but never sustainable. However once it started in earnest the climb was swift. We are so in love these days, all over again. Its like a knot in my heart how much I love and care for her, and the memory of the problems acts as a warning to us both to keep up the effort.
What effort? To talk, to care about the other persons deep needs and desires. To remember to take the her need, though it may seem trivial or pointless to me, and make it my own need. To treat it as importantly as my own. And she does the same. If one of us wasnt pulling our weight this would be the road to resentment, believe me I know. But when we both do it its a shining path to a deeper happier love I could never have imagined. It wasnt easy for us to get here but this is sublime.
By the way my wife has been blossoming over the last few years. Her confidence in herself, her openness with friends and with me, her sensuality and sexual experimentation, her passion.... The passionate and exciting person I suspected was there is shining out and I am surprised at how bright she has turned out to be. She is full of surprises these days. Relationships are very hard work, people underestimate that, but the effort is so worth it!
Monday, 24 November 2008
In fact trying on the kilt was fun, the designer, Jed, who seemed like a lovely person and very cool with it, was measuring me for fit and the kilt was sitting well below the level of my chastity belt waistband. How many places in the world can you do that and not even see a slightly raised eyebrow!
ANyway we got home with some wrist to thigh cuffs (looking forward to using them!), a beautiful waspie for my wife, a small vibrator, a serious tawse! In fact my wife tried the tawse on me when we got home and it packs a punch! Finally she can cause some real pain without her arm running out of puff. I should be scared :) MOst of it we will wrap up for christmas, but not to open in front of the parents, haha.
Saturday night we were tired but sunday we went back to bed about 11am for a couple of hours of play. I put on some porn, a freebie from the show, thinking that she wouldnt like it. She used to be pretty picky about porn. This was pretty crude stuff, a large cock and some hardcore explicit closeup fucking, sucking etc. Damned if she didnt get hugely turned on, dripping, and started fantasising about having a really large cock inside her, something she has had no interest in before. Within a few more minutes and my fingers playing her she had two men double penetrating her in her head while begging me from something in her ass. WHo was I to turn her down. Pulled her down to the end of the bed, spread her legs wide, lewdly, wetness glistening on her lips as I pushed a largish dildo, very easily, into her very hungry ass. No pain there, she sighed with pleasure as soon as the head was in, and demanded that I quickly and roughly push the rest in. We have been wondering about getting a dildo gag for me to use, so to see if we like the idea I took the end of the dildo in my mouth and thrust it in and out roughly while teasing her clit with my fingers. She went crazy, wild, loved seeing me fuck her with a dildo in my mouth, told me how good it would feel to take two men inside her and deny me, then make me lick cum from her ass afterwards! Practically begging me for it. At that moment if two men had been around they would not have been refused! She eventually came with me on my knees, one dildo in her ass being pushed in with my mouth, one in her pussy, my fingers on her clit driving her over the edge, a paralysing, immobile, mouth open, a rictus of silent pleasure.
She asked me afterwards to get some crude double penetration porn for her, heheh!
Anyway she teased me for a while then I gave her a second, quicker but equally strong orgasm while she masturbated me. We snuggled up for half an hour, relaxing, kissing, and her teasing that she wasnt going to let me cum. At that stage I think she was serious about it but we started to play again as she teased me more. I begged her to allow me inside her just as a tease, and she got on top and did exactly that. Only the feel of me inside, my hardness, the movement when she tickled me, and my raging passion (I was raining kisses on any body par within reach), it all quickly got to her. we probably fucked for half an hour, she couldnt cum while on top so she lay back and gave herself a third orgasm with me inside, with strict instructions to to cum yet. I guessed why... as soon as she came she got back on top and rode me to an intense earth shattering powerful orgasm! She knows I cum better when I can relax and she is on top. Collapsing on top of me we hugged and almost dozed for a few minutes. This is the nicest part in a way, we may have been kinky but this was pure love and ease with each other.
Heheh, then she pulled off me, slid up my body, plopped her pussy on my mouth and made me eat my cum. All of it. As my tongue worked deep inside her (and believe me she tasted and felt good) she actually started to hold my nose and push down harder on my mouth to stop me breathing. Mean bitch, she loved being so nasty. So did I! After I cleaned her out thoroughly she commented that she should do that more often as it saves her having to go to the bathroom...
I have mentioned being made to eat my cum a few times and she used to be unsure of it. In recent weeks however she seems to have taken a real shine to the idea. When she started up my body (I had already guessed it was coming) my post orgasm mentality wasnt sure I wanted it anymore. I must admit that as soon as she pressed down on me with such relish and I tasted her my misgivings went away. What a trip, great fun, and even better when she added the breathlessness twist. As one final act she rolled me over and tried the tawse out for about 10 hard swats, still post orgasm, and it hurt. She commented that the marks were lovely and I agree, the pain was sublime too.
I can honestly say that while this is one of the naughtiest and kinkiest sessions we have ever had, it is also one at the end of which we felt closer and more in love than ever before. And boy did I sleep well that night for having drained my balls!
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
sex but not allowed to cum. To the friend my wife texted, thanks, I
hold you partially responsible! Now I keep remembering how good you
look naked and imagining how much fun it would be if you held the key
to my chastity belt...
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Trouble is after this she got back into dominant tease mode and decided she would be amused by making me wait again. So she teased me for a while, sat on my face while she tickled me, limiting my breathing, took me to the edge, then stopped!
Its been a week Damnit, I need to cum!
Yesterday she sent a text to a friend of ours asking her if she should relieve my frustration, the answer was to make me wait another week then beg for it...
Bitch, I don't love her at all :) not even slightly:)
Friday, 14 November 2008
Monday, 10 November 2008
I touched her, pleasured her, got her close to the edge and very wet, then told her to roll over. She wasnt sure at first but I insisted and she did. I love that beautiful bottom, her curves are so full, so womanly. Picked up our riding crop and spread her cheeks with one hand, started cropping her arse right on the sphincter (gently). She had her hand between her legs, and as she got closer to her orgasm I increased the strength of the strikes, alternating it with my tongue teasing her ass. By the time she came she had her butt raised up and was spreading her cheeks as wide as she could so I could flick the crop hard directly on her pretty pink rosebud. She looked magnificent when she came, I think it was rather enjoyable to say the least, her mewing sounds alone nearly made me cum!
She was so drained by it that we barely had time to whisper to each other how much fun that was before she drifted off, still with me lying across her back with her soft bum against my cock. She is asleep now, my beautiful satisfied lover.
We both like it that she can have sex, enjoy herself and not feel like she has to reciprocate. I feel good about making her feel good, and she likes not being under pressure (mrs bdenied can relate to this). Im tired, off to spoon her sleeping form and sleep deeply with my love in my arms and my heart.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
Monday, 3 November 2008
I loved the way they all looked. This is the one my wife liked the look of most. Specifically she liked knowing that her presentable husband had a nasty secret down below. I wish I hadnt had to remove it, but hey would you give up penetrative sex for a piercing?
Its an HNT because you can only see half of me and that half is naked,
or maybe because my balls are bare and my pubis is fully dressed,
or maybe just because I want it that way...
Please stand well back if you click through this image, heheh. You have been warned it is explicit.
1 It looks gooood, so much better than a random flap of excess skin
2 It lets the head of my cock grow much much more when I am at my hardest, this looks cool. More importantly it grows most when I am close to cumming, usually this is when my wife is also close to cumming and the growth can push her over the edge. A lovely way to have a simultaneous orgasms.
3 It feels velvety and smooth
4 It tastes so much better (according to my wife, I wish I was that bendy!) than an uncircumcised penis, even if the owner keeps it clean. She has had quite a number to choose from so I believe her! Hence I get much more oral than I would otherwise have done.
5 It works better in a chastity device (easier to keep clean)
6 It looks great with a piercing (see this coming thursdays HNT)
and last but far from least, the reason I originally had it done
7 It doesnt hurt when having sex!
That brings me nicely to the reasons why, and the story about when I had it done. I have, it turns out, always had a tight foreskin. It was being monitored when I was a kid but it was never tight enough for the doctors to warrant removing it. I dont think they should have been so cautious, and I also think they should have told me what they were monitoring and what the consequences I should watch out for were as an adult. At such a young age I had no idea what the problem was. So as I grew into my teens my penis (which when hard has a big head) never got to full hardness, ever. When it approached I would become very uncomfortable and my erection would soften (or at least not harden further). As a result I spent years wondering if there was something wrong, it lowered my confidence in my sexual ability, and the few times I had sex it failed completely to be pleasurable. It was just plain uncomfortable. It was this which eventually (age 22) led me to realise there may be a physical rather than psychological problem and talk to a doc. They took one look, heard my description of sex and immediately said remove it. It was a huge relief to know what the problem was. The difference afterwards was incredible, sex was much more pleasurable, my penis got much harder and a bit larger because of the lack of discomfort, and for the first time sex worked. I consider I was a virgin until I was 23 because that is when I first had sex. Everything before it was some pale shadow of what it should have been. My confidence grew, but I think it is still less than it should have been.
The story of how it happened still amuses me (and turns me on)... At the time I was a student living in a house with 4 doctors, all female, and all cute. One was a part time call girl and had a habit of flouncing into my room at 2am to tell me about her night. Two of them were extremely very very cute (truth is I was infatuated with both), both wore holdups never tights (pantyhose), both wandered around the house in their underwear on a regular basis, and both also had a habit of flouncing into my room or even bed for late night TV. I realise this sounds like a silly playboy fantasy but believe me it isnt, if it were the late night TV session would have ended in a threesome, but that only ever happened in my dreams:) So during this year I had the chop. I went into hospital in the morning, had a tiny bit of general anaesthetic and woke up 20 minutes later thinking no time had passed. Looked under the cover wondering why they hadnt operated and saw a very bandaged penis. Walked home a couple of hours later, slowly.
Over the next 6 weeks I discovered that...
1 I am a man with a very high sex drive
2 I am unable to pleasure myself for at least 6 weeks
3 That I am in no pain except when I get erect when it hurts a lot
4 That the days are fine but the nights are hard, literally, and then sore. I didnt sleep so well :)
5 That my flatmates continued to wander around in their underwear and flounce into my bedroom
6 That without a good wank at least 3 times a day it became a huge tease having them around.
Lets just say that when the pain was bearable I had a wonderful explosive orgasm or seven. I wonder if this is where my love of Tease and Denial originated?
My son (now three) also has this problem. The doctors are unwilling to do anything this early on and want to monitor it. Unsurprisingly I am wary of this given the problems it caused me. The least I will do is talk to him early on about the problems to look out for when he grows up. I wonder how many 14-15 year olds when going through puberty have the confidence to discuss such a personal matter. Part of me wants to be proactive and have him circumcised, and part of me wonders whether the docs are right to be cautious. I certainly dont want him to have the problems I had though!
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
We started with a little kissing and cuddling but pretty soon she had me go downstairs and get our ropes, ordering me to crawl back up and wait for her on my knees in the bedroom. This I did and was then made to kiss and worship her feet for a while. After another short cuddle I started to tie myself up, ankles to thighs, wrists to ankles. The last binding put in place by my lovely wife who then proceeded to roll me over on my front, gag me at my request, and begin to spank my arse with intent! I was in sub heaven until the gag started cutting into my mouth. She swapped it for a pair of her dirty panties, just worn, I could taste and smell her, she is close to her period so she tastes especially good, she tied them in with a rope and continued to spank and tickle me with abandon. In my hogtie i could not even wriggle away, her soft arse was sat on me, her hot pussy on my back, and the paddle working my butt as her fingers tickled my feet.
After a few minutes of this she sat back on me, picked up her book, and read for about five minutes. Then rolled me onto my back, blindfolded me, and read for another fifteen minutes or so while idly rubbing my chest or teasing my cock to a dribbling throbbing mess.
By the time she put her book down I was very relaxed, very horny. She warmed herself up by spanking me some more, something that turns her lot these days, then made me lie between her legs without the blindfold and watch as she brought herself to the edge of orgasm a few times. I was desperate to touch her a bit could not do a thing, as much as I wriggled I couldnt get closer! I just about managed to rest my cheek on her inner thigh as she shook and rubbed inches from my eyes. Luckily she wanted more and had me on my knees, still hands bound to thighs, cock rearing up as she backed onto me, my length sliding into her heat until her cool soft arse was pressed against my body. That last sensation almost had me cumming instantly. Needless to day I held off (just) as she brought herself to the brink again wanting to cum like that. She couldn't, could not quite get there in that position however much she tried, and I was really finding it hard not to let go and explode inside her. In the end I lay back and she straddled me at an angle, like scissors, sank down till her lips tickled my balls, ground herself against me and touched herself until she and I exploded in one of the longest orgasms she has ever had, let alone from penetrative sex.
When she got off the way she moved made me wonder is she was going to sit on my face and make me eat my cum but she didnt. When I asked her about it later she said that she hadnt thought of it, but added that she should have sat there and read some more while my cum drained into my mouth. She then burst into a long fit of giggles which only intensified as she saw the look of shock on my face when I realized she wasnt joking.
All in all a great fun birthday date :) We both had a lot of fun exploring new territory and generally being bad!
Strangely I felt a bit let down afterwards. I have a cold and I think it exacerbated the post cum hormone crash. That crash is worse the longer I dont cum, although it doesnt happen every time. Its a pain as it takes away the pleasant afterglow. Still you get the highs I suppose sometimes you need to explore the lows :)
Friday, 24 October 2008
In the vanilla world lots of men do it, but in the kinky world it seems to be the preserve of the TV crowd. Its hard to put this clearly, I am open to most kinks and non judgemental about others choice of fun, but for me some kinks have connotations that aren't me at all! The TV world seems sad to me, so many of those I have known are unhappy, torn, hurting. Some seem to revel in this, an attitude most visible in the online chastity cuckold fantasy world. I call this the i'm a useless worthless worm syndrome. As an aside I believe that Altairboys chastity belt website, once the primary resource for the chastity crowd, has long been ruined as a knowledge resource by the pervasivness of such material. Any newbie visiting it (perhaps having been introduced by their partner) would think that chaste men have serious self esteem problems. I find people's acceptance of such low self esteem unhealthy and I admit to being very uncomfortable with it. I know I am generalising, I am sure that many TVs are happy and well balanced, but none that I have known.
On top of this there is the fact that very few men look good in feminine underwear! Agreed that this is subjective, but although some men have beautiful features and look lovely my guess is that most men and women would not consider it aesthetically pleasing. Pleasurable and fun to look at for many reasons perhaps, but not aesthetically.
But I like to wear them. And I know why...
1 They make me feel close to my wife, something so intimate of hers being with me all day.
2 They feel sexy.
3 Their prettyness reminds me of the loveliness of the female form
I never forget how truly silly I look:) A hairy muscular man in lacy nothings:) Suffice to say I don't do it for the looks... I am lucky that my wife is amused by this, even touched by it, she knows I do it in large part to remind me of her. She doesnt want to see it, nor do I want her to, but she knows I have it on and quite likes it. There is one exception. She knows I am vain and dont like how I look in her underwear. She seems to have taken a shine to making me don them for a spanking, and doesnt seem to mind seeing them in that context at all! And yes I admit it turns me on to be made to do that, a touch of humilitation can be fun!
The whole question of TVs is one I do sometimes ponder. I honestly dont believe this is a judgemental thing, at least not judging the kink itself. I feel sad for those TVs I have known in real life, and worried for some of those online whose fantasies I have read.
Thursday, 23 October 2008
One of me for a change, wearing my neosteel. Feels soooo good to wear, constant turn on but with no chance for an illicit play. Hope you like it.
For those of you that are interested in reading as well as looking there is a post just before this one with our latest update.
Monday night my wife and I had a night in.. That morning I left for work late, about 10am. She had left the house already, I was feeling horny, and for some reason decided that the thing to do was lock myself into my chastity belt for the day. I just thought it would feel nice. We hadnt made love in a few days, we were both looking forward to monday night as a 'night in' and she had said recently that she was craving a bit of vanilla lovemaking. So I had no thought about extended T&D, just a nice feeling for the day and unlocked at the end for some innocent rumpy pumpy (I love that old fashioned phrase).
I have a tight pair of hipster jeans that I was wearing when I got home, and apparently she noticed the extra bulge soon after, she said nothing. I hadnt realised that she didnt know, slunk into bed later that night expecting to surprise her. No surprise there, we started to kiss, and her hand went straight down and started to caress my expose balls (she knows I love that feeling when locked). God it felt good, my balls were tingling, my stomach churning with lust hormones, and my cock straining against its prison. Lovely feeling. Naturally I asked her for the key, I did not think there was the slightest chance of her refusing, but she laughed and said no. I laughed too, she was teasing me surely. Pushed a bit more, doublechecked and she said no, she really didnt intend to unlock me. What she actually said was 'when do I ever unlock you quickly when you lock that on?' I suggested that since we were both hoping for some vanilla lovin' we couldnt very well do that with me locked. You can see where this is going, of course that got me nowhere. Her mercurial moods meant that since she she said that she has changed her mind and is in the mood for something much more kinky now! Not the woman I used to know a few years ago!
To cut a long story short we were fooling around and I started to pleasure her (actually she lay back after a little fooling around and demanded that I give her an orgasm). As I was teasing her she started fantasising, talking dirty, partly for my benefit but mainly for her own. Her fantasy consisted of her dreaming about bending me over and fucking me from behind wearing a strapon, while her boyfriend fucks her in the ass, after he first locked me in a chastity belt.. She came pretty damn quickly and very hard, her whole body shuddering with release and ending up so sensitive I could barely hug her without her twitching! A few minutes later she had a second equally strong orgasm. Most of this time my balls were in her hands and I was surprisingly close to the edge, not enough to cum (never have with the CB on) but enough to be shaking with lust. True to her more dominant and fun nature she gave me a passionate kiss, rolled over, nestled her lovely bottom against my cock and said she was going to sleep. To say I loved her at that moment is such an understatement!
She had told me I would be unlocked the next morning before work. When she got up for her shower though, no key. I asked her about it and with an evil teasing grin she said that she wouldnt give it to me as she knew I would play with myself, i would only get unlocked once I was in the shower myself. She seems to like the power of denial :) So I missed out on a little morning self abuse as well :(
Set me up for a lovely day at work!
We played last night as well (thursday). Got to bed and she was very tired so she was just going to give me a little tease and we were going to sleep. She started to talk dirty (entirely for my benefit), talking about how she wanted to spank me and lead me around with a collar and lead. Just a few minutes then she stopped, and as she was starting to drop off I started saying how I was going to get her back sometime. Tie her up with her ankles to her thighs, knees tied wide apart. Her favourite electrostim dildo in her ass (its big and its on full power), her hands bound to her thighs. She has been gagged, blindfold, teased to the brink of orgasm and then I leave the room.
At this point it becomes obvious that she is no longer sleep and wants to come, so my hand moves to her softly swollen pussy and starts to caress...
I send up a friend to avail himself of her however he likes. He walks in and teases her some, then puts clamps on her nipples and flips her over so she is resting of her shoulders with her ass in the air and her nipples clamped and crushed under her chest. He lubes her ass and pushes in despite her squirming and gagged protests. She doesnt even know who he is! He fucks her to his completion, using her like a slutty toy and pushing her to the brink (but not over). Her nipples are on fire, her ass burns, and her clit is demanding an orgasm which wont come!
At this point she came for real. I had just asked her wether he made her cum after he pulled out or if not what she would like to happen next, and her answer (as she came) was that he walks out leaving her with sperm dripping out of her ass for the next man to use...
We have my birthday date planned for this weekend and it will be a kinky date. I have told her that I dont want to come until then, i wanted a good head of steam and delicious desparation built up for it. Bearing that in mind she happily rolled over, snuggled her soft beautiful ass against my achingly hard manhood and... Went to sleep, again. This morning she happened to mention in passing that since our date will be femdomme and me sub, that I should not count on a release. Yes I still love her, even more now!
More to come later in the weekend. Thats where the ideas come in. If anyone reads this in time please share a few ideas as to what we can get up to, new ideas are always appreciated. If you like you could even request a pic or two.
Friday, 10 October 2008
In the meantime please remember that sex is free and keeps you fit too :)
I have not had much inclination to play recently, we have mostly made love, the old fashioned way. Its what I needed to be honest, and its been wonderful. Just like when we met 15 years ago, except not seven times a day, ha. Sweet, heart warming, calming, my wife and lover has proved to be a real haven, a sign of how far she and I have come over the last few years!
Having said that we have a date this weekend and she has indicated a strong desire to spank me, yum. I agreed of course, as long as its long and hard enough to hurt real good and give me a nice endorphin rush after :)
Thursday, 4 September 2008
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
Tuesday, 2 September 2008
I just had a conversation with her, having woken this morning and had a lovely sleepy cuddle and a quick mutual tease before I went to work. I asked her if I could have a spanking soon, am craving the sensation and especially the post spanking endorphin rush. I also asked that I be tied so that I couldnt avoid it. She agreed but a moment later, shyly but with a bit of a shine in her eyes, asked if it was ok for her to carry on a little after I beg for her to stop. I hadnt realised that my idea had appealed, let alone appealed enough for her to bring it up. I normally suggest these things, it must have appealed a lot for her to ask for it! I asked her about that and she admitted that she really liked the idea.
In the end we agreed that once I ask her to stop she decides how long to continue before complying, that could be 1 spank or 100. Of course I know and trust her and know that I am in safe hands. I cant wait!
Monday, 1 September 2008
On to the main post.
I came last night. In our 15 day holiday that's the dizzy height of two, count em two orgasms. Aren't I a lucky fool. What was I thinking when I introduced my lover to orgasm denial. We have had sex 6 times and each time she has had 2 or 3 orgasms. The odds aren't in my favour :)
Last night we made love. She was in the mood for that rather than anything too naughty, I was in a similar mood though I could have been persuaded otherwise. Its our last night here, its been a lovely holiday and lovemaking completed it. Nothing penetrative, that's not easy in a tent with kids on the other side of a bit of canvas. We fooled around and hugged, got each other hot. I teased my wife who was very needy, a few minutes of my fingers teasing her inner lips and round her clit and she was writhing on the bed, running her hands over her own breasts. I leaned down and started kissing and nipping the skin of her breasts, near but avoiding her nipples, and already she was ready to cum. Leaning over her, spread her lips with one hand and slipped two fingers into her, curling them toward her G spot. As I did this I alternated massaging her clit and caressing her breasts with my other hand. One minute she was horny, next she was sodden as she thrust her hips toward me and mewled (quietly) in ecstacy. By the time she came she was a very wet beauty.
After her shaking subsided (which took a lot of time and very gentle hugging) she pushed my hand down for another. Just a simple manual orgasm but was as strong as the first.
After another period of chilling it was my turn. Again it was all hands, she had her body pressed tight against me. Those curves I had been admiring in a bikini all day, now tight against me, breasts pale and nipples begging for attention as my pleasure built. She drew the pleasure out until, unable to stand it any more, I let myself go and she increased the tempo. No joke, biu a couple of minutes later she was still playing and I was still having strong aftershocks. yum.
After another period of snuggling and as we were dropping off she grinned cheekily at me and took her eternity ring off her left hand and back onto her right. Damn!
This morning I asked if I could have one more quick cum before the next round of denial, but with obvious heartfelt relish she said no she didn't think I should. So here I am, already horny again.
Saturday, 30 August 2008
My ex domme (online and text not rl) also enjoyed it. She once ordered me to shave my hair off, cock balls pubis and up to where the hairline ended. I was smooth from the waist down and it felt really sensitive, sexy, though it looked strange. But being made to do that knowing I had a modelling session coming up amused her, and the feeling of being used made me so very hot. A couple of days later she made me rub oil over my nude smooth torso and cock, make myself hard and send her photos from my phone, at work (I was working late). Again the humiliation turned me on.
Weird huh, but good naughty fun :)
She asked for just a kiss and cuddle so we did, half an hour or so of kissing, making out and laughing, then sleep. Lovely, very intimate (which I crave). Funny thing is that we have tried this before but she wasn't able to get her head around her needs being important to me and believe it enough to say what she wants clearly. Last night she did and it worked
This morning we woke up gently and carried on making out ending up with a nice little tease for me. Hopefully tonight we will have sex, and I might even get to cum! Tomorrow is our last day in greece, and if I don't get to cum again then in an entire 15 day holiday I will have had only one orgasm, against her very many! I secretly hope she won't let me, its so deliciously mean :)
But don't tell her that!
Friday, 29 August 2008
And this morning I woke to her soft hand rubbing and cupping my butt cheeks as I lay half asleep on my front. Then some teasing as her hand slipped in between and she grazed her nail against my ring, and teased my balls. This went on for the longest time until I had to turn around and grab her. No such luck, she pushed me back down and continued, but this time with one hand under me on my cock. Ahhh, sensations were wonderful.
Rolled over and she carried on, now getting me close to cumming and keeping me there. My hands were all over the parts of her I could reach, but that wasn't much as she was keeping me pinned. Suddenly she rose up, straddled me and lowered her now wet pussy to my mouth, blocking my nose and mouth totally. As she sat there I pushed my tongue deep into her, she tasted very sweet and tangy, really really sweet! Don't know what shed been eating but she tasted gooooood! She undulated on me gently as she teased me to the brink again and again. I had to keep pushing her away with my hand when I was too close, every now and then she would lift up and let me take a shuddering breath or two. Heaven!
Finally her need for a morning pee became too much and she had to get off. She kissed me and teased me a little more then got up. What a lovely way to start the day. I hope I can return the favour tonight. Still very horny! I need to cum!
I know you dirty lot, bet you though she was going to pee in me in that position! We've done that twice. I love it but I don't think I am ready for strong morning pee, and she isn't yet comfortable with me swallowing, makes her icked out. So get your minds out of the sewer!
Sunday, 24 August 2008
She thought about it and later that day said that I wasn't to cum until we had had sex three times. Not three orgasms for her, which can be in one sitting, but three separate sessions. Yum:) we are having sex about 2-3 times a week so that means I will just get another orgasm this holiday, if I don't do something that warrants a punishment.
Last night we had sex. I started off giving her a nice foot massage, rubbing her back, kissing her. Generally pampering her. We cuddled and chatted and then she decided that it was time and she wanted to cum. I started to play magin with her beautiful body.
At first she was fantasising about being naked in the pool with me, while I push her up against the side. Breasts crushed into the wall, nipples rasping on the tiles, as I take her from behind. Being watched from the bushes. Before long that metamorphosed into having her legs spread and held apart while someone teased and tormented her clit. At one point in the fantasy I was holding her down while some guy (who had been buggering her) was whipping her to force her to kiss and lick his girlfriends ass. Bit more teasing and I had her actually begging to be allowed to push her tongue in. A bit more play and I had her on all fours, my two finger deep in her ass pushing hard in and out as my other hand grabbed her hair and twisted her head round to kiss me. She frigged herself like that, begging me to let her cum, until eventually I did.
She fell back to the bed, got her breath back and then pulled my hand down for another orgasm. Then a third. This last didn't come easily so she finished it off herself.
At this point she became dominant. She had teased me during her pleasure only insofar as it enhanced her fun. Now she just relaxed, feeling no obligation to pleasure me further. She also half joked that since her fingers were on her clit for her first and last cum, that maybe this only counts for one third of a session. Bitch! At least I hope its a joke but she won't confirm.
A few days before we had talked about trying face sitting. I had shaved earlier so was nice and smooth. So she had me lay back as she sat on my face, being very careful to adjust herself so I couldn't breath at all. Then she started to read her book. Every now and then she pulled up while I took a deep shuddering breath, then lowered her lovely wet softness onto me. My world was the taste, smell and feel of her, as she read and idly ran her fingernails over my cock. Sometimes when I was shaking for a breath she would stay sitting for another 'long' few seconds before giving me air. She seems to like being mean. This went on for about five or ten minutes. Since the bed has no backrest she wasn't too comfortable and decided to stop. At my suggestion she instead lay on me, both of us face up and her head resting on my legs with her buttocks pressed on my neck and pussy against my chin. She was comfortable and read like that for at least half an hour, I was her bed, only able to see her thighs and the delightful 'vee' between them, feeling her skin against the whole of me and her soft blond hair on my legs. I even dozed a little like this. Very sexy way to end the night.
Monday, 18 August 2008
Saturday, 9 August 2008
You know the kind, angry noises that should sound like lust, angry faces that should look like a person close to cumming, excessive make up that goes beyond slutty and looks more like Jacqueline Stallone, non-stop horndog noises that are so overdone (nobody moans like that)... Why of why?
Mostly they look like very angry women who arent turned on at all.
Why do people make it, and others buy it, its rubbish. I would rather be slapped with a wet fish! It makes the red faced german moustache man and bad music stuff from the 70s look really good! At least the women looked and acted natural.
Friday, 8 August 2008
So far I havent succeeded in getting company emails. Thats kind of a problem. Not quite the blackberry killer yet.
I also cant help wonder how long it will be before that screen is scratched to buggery!
Maybe I should post a picture of my cuter half taken with the phone, if you all beg nicely...
Monday, 4 August 2008
Yes events, plural!
First time. We were moving from a house a flat and they kindly offered to help. Our first child was a few months old and so I thought excellent, I can box up our toys, mark the box 'toys' and nobody will be the wiser. I can unpack once we get into the new home... My parents in laws however, knowing we were short on boxes decided to unpack a few and send the empty ones back to us. My wife turned up with the car, unknowingly and proudly handed me a few empty boxes, one of them marked toys! One look was all it took, I didnt know wether to piss myself laughing or be horrified. Back at the house the bags of toys had been neatly put away into a cupboard. Ow!
Second time. We were going out to a fetish club. It was winter. My wife was all dressed up and wearing a long coat over her outfit. I had my clothes in a bag ready to change later. Her parents were babysitting. As we left her mother, while looking intently at us, said that she had watched a documentary about middle class couples who go to sex clubs, and 'joked' that my wife was probably just wearing a pair of stockings under her coat. We shuffled out the door very quickly and I looked at her horrified as she laughed her head off. Her outfit? One pair of black holdups, nothing else. We still dont know if it was an off the cuff comment or she suspected.
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Its easy to get bored, do the same thing until it doesnt excite anymore. We vary our play or fantasies over the years. We had a ponyplay phase, lesbian phase, cuckold phase etc (hardcore fantasies and milder play).
One discussion at chastityexperiment talked about wanting to be exposed in a chastity belt. One of my wifes friends knows about it. In fact I once had the fun of massaging her head to toe in her bedwear while I was locked. She said that since I was locked it was safe to ask me to do that. She is very cute and I enjoyed it immensely. Two of my friends know as well, but they are both kinksters, one even used to be a pro-domme. Its not as exciting them knowing, although still some :) I admit though that I would never tell a non-kinkster again without serious thought.
Monday, 28 July 2008
When I finally came it was intense, deep inside her while she had a third orgasm, and I let go utterly. Pumping deep as she pulled me into her, not letting me hold back. Only problem she hadn't given me permission to cum, even though she forced it to happen. So I then got six hard strokes with the crop as punishment. Oowowow. By the way these were punishment. Hard and delivered post orgasm. I didn't think she would do such a thing, but I like this new passionate woman.
As usual cuddles at the end were lovely. Almost the best bit:)
But then for us masturbation and vaginal intercourse are vanilla. Anal is not and neither is bondage, teasing etc. Critically fantasising we count as kink, since we fantasise out loud and share the story as we go along. Like two writers working together. And our fantasies are always naughty. Bondage, public exhibitionism, cuckolding, lesbianism, and being used by groups of people are very
common themes. So vanilla sex while verbalising such fantasies is much of what we do, makes for great sex, and is not vanilla :)
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
Today my wife sent me two naughty pictures to my phone. neither have yet arrived! The anticipation is killing me.
Just been flirting with a very cute colleague who admitted that she has had a lesbian fling in the past.. Now I am to say the last feeling CONFINED!
Why do women care if they are doing their best pleasuring a guy while sitting on his face. Think about it from our point of view. Your luscious cunt is pressed against our mouths, tasting great, smellng like heaven. All we can see is a beautiful pussy, some lovely arse, hot thighs. We are enveloped, drowning in hungry woman! Any blowjob you provide at that moment is icing on a cake and adds to the experience, it does NOT have to be your best.
Monday, 21 July 2008
When she first told me that figure I assumed she meant that she had had sex with 14 men, but no, that's only the guys she has fucked. She has as she puts it 'squirmed' with a number more. This includes oral, fondling and cumming apparently. In my book that counts as sex no? I always put it down to her being weird but after polling a few female friends I discovered that more than half agree that its only sex if there is penetration! Huh :)
So from now on if I fool around with another woman but don't fuck her its ok cos its not sex, hahah. Somehow when i said that my wife didn't agree:)
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Last night I had a date with my lovely wife. She and I are getting on well these days, very in much love.
Only this was no ordinary date, this was an intimate date. A sex date. A kinky as hell date!
I asked her if she preferred to be dominant or to lie back and be a teased, tortured, abused little toy. sub. She said Dom, unusually so. She is being that way much more these days (although often we switch roles during and she ends up on the bottom). Not this time, hahah.
That morning when we awoke we both had the evening in mind. Slept well, we had 10 minutes before the kids woke and were kissing, flirting, making out and generally being very in love. We both got rather excited, started fantasising to each other about how sexy it would be to have another man in with us. She said she would want to tie me and make me watch her be his. She said maybe she would make me suck him, make him hard before she fucked him. But not me, I'd go to bed that night unsatisfied :) bad girl!!
I was hot! Burning with desire. Suggested that tonight could she try a strap on me. I have suggested it before but she was never sure of the idea, it made her uncomfortable. She until recently wasn't entirely comfortable with her sexuality and more unusual kink. This time though she said yes! What's more her eyes were sparkling as she said it :) She joked as we teased fantasising that maybe shed let her boyfriend fuck me up the ass, hahah.
I later asked for her to wear thigh boots tonight, since she was feeling Domme, and she suggested she add corset and holdups to go with it... I wasn't about to argue heheh.
We then to work both tingly and aroused. It was lovely to feel her enthusiasm and it felt so good that she had ideas of her own.
Evening comes around, kids are in bed, we have spent a few minutes winding down. Funnily enough we then find ourselves up in the bedroom, she pulling on some of her sexiest holdups and me polishing her thigh boots before zipping them up her long beautiful legs. She hooks her corset covering her smooth stomach, pert breasts and oh god, oh so insistent cherry nipples, turnings demands I lace her up tight. I do that while nuzzling the back of her neck (she likes that) and raining kisses over her sexy shoulders. And so the games begin.
She demands I strip and get the paddle. I can't find it in its usual place and as I bend over searching for it she flicks her riding crop over my exposed backside. No lovetaps these they burn lines of ice across me, demanding me to search faster for more instruments of her control. Finally I find the paddle and she pushes me onto hands and knees, head down and ass stinging. A long paddling, she is finding her feet and asks once or twice if I am ok. When she realises I am she really lays in long and hard, letting up momentarily when I cry out only to continue. She enjoys making me squirm, watching me wriggle in pain but ordering me not to move away.
She stops now and then to tease me, hardening my cock to iron and edging me. Sometimes I get so horny I can't help but break position to turn and give her a passionate kiss, my tongue deep in her mouth and arms holding her tight, this woman I love. Other time I nuzzle her thighs and soft pussy. She laughs, giving me a moment then orders me back on knees NOW!
She told me later that she really got off on how fast I responded. Normally I am more in control day to day, or at best we discuss things. Here she enjoyed an immediate no arguments response. She also got off on punishing me extra for turning round and kissing her as she hadn't allowed it (even though she enjoyed it) How sexy is that:)
She tickles me a while, a kink I introduced her to that she loves to inflict. Again I wasn't allowed to move away, then asks me which hurts more, crop or paddle. I say crop, so she says she is going to give me 10 hard swats with it. Owowow but yum! When she stop she gets me to thank her for stopping, by kissing her feet. Something I love, her feet, and another first for her.
We lie down together and she plays with me a bit, bringing me on edge again. I get the strapon and pull it up her long smooth legs (we are a similar height but her hips are a good 3 inches higher than mine, that's how long they are, sexy!. She looks hot, on fire. I cant help but suck the strapon, I admit I really get off on it. She spins me round and crops me some more, but I get so horny, so hot for her I fall to floor and suck her some more.
Now so horny take her deeper, and she starts pushing my head down till I am gagging on her cock. I keep thinking she'll realise and stop but no, she keeps doing it all the more. Turns me on that she enjoys being so mean, it turns out she finds it entertaining. I am playing with her as I suck. The crotch strap of the strapon is deep between her pussy lips and as I touch her I find her soaking wet. Really slippy and hot. Unusual for her to be so wet she must be really horny. She later told me that whipping me really turned her on.
I was ordered on to all fours for the strapon. Now I was I admit nervous. Although I usually try on myself anything I do to her (I am the one on top normally) I have no idea how I can take this cock. Its bigger than anything I've tried on myself, thicker and longer. My wife has no experience with ass play except as a receiver. She has only once before even used a finger on me. And to be honest I haven't really enjoyed anything there, I didn't dislike it but it did nothing for me when I did it to myself. I had previously cleaned myself well with an enema. She uses lots of lube, tries to warm me a little with her finger at my suggestion, but her long nails stop us. So we just go for it...
Then tip goes in. Its a big strapon and I don’t think I will take the wider base. The tip hurts a bit and she stops till I adjust. Then slowly pumping shallow strokes. Now the pain eases and I am getting horny again, very horny as the pleasure mounts! Never done this before, but now I see why she likes to be fucked in the ass so much. WOW. As she fucks me she gets deeper and deeper, orders me to touch myself. She really seems to be getting into this. After a while I feel her soft sexy thighs against mine and I realise that she is fully in me! Never expected that to be possible let alone so so pleasurable. Now she's banging me so hard as I beg her not to make me cum yet! I want this to last longer, much longer.
We stop and fool around a bit on bed. We kiss, she teases me, I edge her sopping pussy a while until she is also gagging for her cum. Suddenly, and very unexpectedly, she states that she wants me to cum with her cock in my ass. Not my idea at all, again its come from her. Rare and so valuable to me.
We turn on the vibration this time and she starts to fuck me once more, the heat mounts quickly. The vibrations travelling up the strap to her clit and the edging I gave her means she is close. She plays with herself as she thrusts hard into me and I am deep in pleasure, holding back hard as I can, timing it with her cum.
We both explode finally in a truly mind blowing, noisy, back arching orgasm. Really good orgasms for both of us. As her orgasm sends little aftershocks through her she cools off with slower thrusts and that draws my orgasm out nice and long
After we kiss, snuggling up for ages. We both really enjoyed ourselves, she was comfortable and happy in new territory. Some how what felt dirty and naughty during sex metamorphosed into feeling really loved and in love afterwards. Haha fucked by my lovely wife in the ass is lovey sex for us now!? We have come on since the early years.
Ps Did I mention how beautifully smooth and trimmed her pussy was, oh just heavenly.
Ahhhh, some days it works so well :)
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Tops my list of cool places in london, especially in the summer..
Friday, 6 June 2008
Thursday, 29 May 2008
So to celebrate I've been teasing her. Yesterday and the day before I have been sending pics of myself to her, sexy texts and emails. Basically she has been playing with herself, a lot, but I haven't let her cum. Yesterday I have no idea how long she spent on the edge but she was there a lot! Poor thing had a swollen aching clit demanding her attention all day. I never heard her beg so much for an orgasm, I actually thought that we were in safeword territory for a while (God it made me hot pushing her so hard, the power!). And it was such a goddam rush to say no!
In the end I got so turned on I had a lovely orgasm and sent a picture of it to her for good measure! Poor thing, wonder if the need has faded yet?
She is allowed to cum today, although the devil in me is so tempted to send her a last minute instruction not to :) I think it will be a good one, her boyfriend won't know what's hit him!
Monday, 19 May 2008
People often wonder why we are the way we are. The submissive businessman is said to be that way to balance his control at work with his need to switch off. Some say that submissives were abused as children and this is their way of coping. Dominant women are reacting to society's patriarchy. I think that you will find all these examples out there somewhere, but most of the people I know who are sub, dom, swingers or just a bit naughty share very little in common. Overall the sexual trait seems to be unconnected to any other aspect of their personalities.
Forget classifications, either you like having fun that way or not. Do we classify other pleasures? Do we ask why someone loves food, or another loves racing cars, or skiing?
I would say that the nearest thing to a common trait is the drive to enjoy life fully, but even that isnt across the board.
Oh it has happened before, for a day or two at most just before I catch a cold. That's how it started but its now a couple of months and its only just starting to come back. What the hell? Busy at work, lots of things turning over there, my right hand man is leaving, I am being headhunted by another firm, getting involved in a different business venture, and decorating the house. Oh and got two young kids. So yes you might think its normal but still this is me!! I always want more.
Well anyway strangly three things happened. Firstly its quite peaceful without the constant nag of a sexdrive and a wild imagination. I rather enjoyed the little break. Secondly my wife is making more of an effort which is nice. Thirdly I have realised that I want a new lover, preferably sub in my life, someone who mirrors my passion for fun, friendship and sexuality.
Still back to business, I have woken up the last few mornings with very naughty thoughts in my head, and my wife is not gonna know what her :)
Spring is in the air...
Monday, 14 April 2008
She is scared she may not get it back.
I really really hope she does... xxx
Sunday, 13 April 2008
I've always said that for me sex without friendship isn't worth having. That applies doubly with kink. This monster is as cerebral and emotional as it is physical.
Funnily enough I am listening to michael nyman at the moment and its edgyness strikes me as a good accompaniment... Smiles.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Friday, 4 April 2008
At no point did I 'take' anything. On reflection I can think of a great many things I would rather 'take'. I don't feel I am unusual in this.
Discard for sure.
But not take...
So why? Why do we take a dump?
So why in gods name do toothbrush holders always come in that 'standard' size that doesn't fit anything made this side of 1985. Some brushes slip right through, other perch precariously by their base angled like a forgotten erection. Some don't fit at all.
Toothbrush holder design, where the 'older gentleman' designer goes to live out his later years. A world where the sun always shines, casting a warm sepia glow across rows of old school toothbrushes.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Friday, 21 March 2008
Ever noticed how the repressed, excluded and 'unattractive' main character of a film is made better and better looking as their popularity and success improves in the films progression. You can predict it almost every time. Its as though filmmakers think that nobody could accept an honestly physically unattractive or even average person as a successful popular human being. Are we all truly so shallow?
It bothers me. I am considered pretty good looking, how much does it bother those who are less attractive! Subliminal hell. You can never be popular as you can never be cute!
I understand it, I know why. But it is still I think a pity.
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
I recently realised how much power a certain incident has held over me. As with so many others it began as a childhood taunt, meaningless and silly. Caught me unawares and left me wounded. I have been working to exorcise the incident and remove its impact on me.. writing it here is partly to help others who may have felt the same kind of shame, and show what can be done about it.
I will write this in a way that shows the effect it NO LONGER HAS over me. I will not relive it in a way as to strengthen its effect, but to negate its impact and leave it as a healthy distant memory.
I was 9. Already very much a sexual being with little knowledge but an interest. I had recently been told how babies were made by another kid, slightly inaccurately. Apparently a man sticks his willy in a womans bits and pees... Heheh, not exactly correct but hey i was 9. So one day i passed this information on to a friend, not a good friend but a friend. This is important, until i thought hard and relived the incident recently i hadnt remembered that he was someone i got on with. I told him, he looked unsure of what i said, perhaps uncomfortable. Then he laughed and said 'dirty simon'. I remembered this as a taunt, but i am not sure if it was said more than once or twice. It didnt catch on, i certainly wasnt called that for long.
Only i felt dirty ever since, at least the sexual part of me. Not a good way to begin your life especially when it turns out you are kinky. I believed it deep down, so if i ever opened up to anyone about my sexuality and got a similar reaction it just relived the feeling and strengthened the belief. Believe me it happened a lot since i was both so sexual and so sensitive about it.
I have fought it conciously for years with some success but not enough. It has even impacted my relationship. If i asked for something different and got refused, or she laughed, got uncomfortable or even said yes half heartedly, i felt uncomfartable and dirty. You can imagine that i was not then in the best state to convince her to meet my need, or show her it could be FUN. Was never lucky enough to have met as a partner a girl kinky enough to have helped me feel less alone.
So what happened? Well i have learnt a few techniques to soften the memory and accept the emotions that accompanied it. The memory is in black and white now, seen as if on a screen rather than being relived. The little boy who was me has the love and acceptance from me now, the love that he didnt have then. The boy who said something so small, in such passing, well he hasnt even been forgiven as there was nothing to forgive. He also has my love and always will.
And if ever i feel dirty again i will replay that memory and see it happen at a distance, in grainy black and white. It will happen to a little boy who now has my love and support and sits at a campfire with me watching it from a distance. The other boy also sits with us, also just a boy and i wrap him in my love too. My arm is around the younger me and he is ok, he is loved, and so am i.
I am ME, i am ok.
Thursday, 13 March 2008
So what hope the long distance or virtual relationship?
My Domme and I had a bit of scare today. I did something to disappoint her. She responded with a 'headgame' that was (with hindsight) intended to be perceived as a punishment. When viewed from my end it didnt come across as a punishment, the words screamed 'its over, permanently, you failed me'. So I reacted with sadness and some anger... you can see where it might have ended up. Luckily it didnt and a short but intense bit of time on IM sorted it out. Still you have to wonder, when its so hard to communicate in person how hard is this?!!
She suggested that I should trust her more, that I know she loves me and would not hurt me. She is right of course and to a surprisingly (for me) deep level I do. I guess the measure of trust is how far you will go before you feel you are falling. Today showed me that while I trust her a lot its not enough that my more powerful emotional triggers can be played with. Not yet anyway. I think we need to know each other better, and perhaps more importantly know that the other person knows and understand us. Then I at least will feel completely in safe hands.
A friend of mine recently suggested that NVC (non-violent communication) of which he is a practitioner should be taught at schools. Not just for interpersonal reasons but to raise humanity up a level socially. Imagine if everyone from schoolkids chatting, right up to the politicians they may one day become, had measurably better empathic and communication skills. After a generation a significant improvement could be made in peoples lives on the macro and micro scale. I have to say from what I have seen of it, I think he is right. An hour a week could be invaluable!
nb. The violent does not refer to physical violence but emotional, as in charged words and unclear or unempathic communication that results in angry feelings on both sides.
Wednesday, 12 March 2008
Meanwhile my virtual Domme and i are back in contact. There has been talk of meeting in RL. A few days later she and i were playing by text when she demanded i shave myself, everything. 'Not one hair left' she said. She wanted it done that night with pictures to prove it. Now i have a modelling job in a few days and would normally wax. In fact i am booked in already. She wouldnt wait though, and when i asked twice to be allowed to do it after the waxing she demanded that i do it then and there. In fact she said that if we wanted to even consider real life she wanted to test my commitment (though she said this after i had already agreed).
Well i did it. I havent cum in a week so i was horny as it is, but this was such a rush. Being forced to do this, the sensations, the control! And then looking down at myself looking like a boy, all for her.. Lets just say that i was suprised how much i enjoyed submitting to her will...
There are times when i have wondered how much of me is Dom and how much sub. These days i think i know, the more sub a plaything is the more my dominant side comes out and gets creative :) my wife is not overly submissive so i am always reigning myself in. With my Domme and so far only with her, i find myself very deeply sub.
Weird huh. To have both and so strongly...
Monday, 10 March 2008
My wife and I have had years of problems with sex. She is very easygoing and accepting, not at all judgemental. She is fairly vanilla, sometimes her inner kinkster peeps out for a while but always hides away again. I am lucky to have her, she is wonderful, but not enough to feed my hedonism and need for kink. She also has a lower sex drive than me. I am sure that if she had a really strong sex drive her kink would have bubbled out long ago without much help.
We are trying at the moment to encourage her passion and her kinky side out to stay. One of the things I enjoy is occasionally to lie back and be done to. Since I am normally dominant, I initiate sex etc, its nice to relax and be pampered. So I wrote for her a long list of submissive things I would enjoy. The idea was to give her lots of options to choose from so she would not be stuck for inspiration, and for her to pick whatever she enjoyed (or might want to try) from the list. This way she could also stay on fairly safe ground but push her own boundaries a little, let herself open up and enjoy.
What happened at first is another story and not all good. Recently we tried again.
Saturday night I was wearing a butt plug. Dont ask why, I just felt like it. Hadnt told her about it. When we got to bed she decided tonight was the night and after a little encouragement started to get playful. She demanded I roll onto my front and started to give me a massage (later she told me that it was as much to relax her as me). That was lovely, but I wondered how I would hide the plug. She is very accepting of my kinky side so I wasnt too worried, in fact rather curious what might happen if she saw it. I was however a little embarrassed.
Once she started to massage my ass the game was up. She spotted it and chuckled, telling me how bad I was. She was planning to give me a paddling (which I love) but in a moment of inspiration decided that since I was wearing a pretty pink jewelled plug, that she though a pair of frilly panties would go nicely. Cue pair of panties thrown at me and a demand to put them on.
Hey I love wearing her panties under my clothes, they feel nice. They look ridiculous however, and I am no transvestite. I dont want to be seen in them and she knows it! Too vain for that! Hence the demand, spanked in her panties, pain and embarrassment in one. It was one of the things on the list she had shown an interest in when talking but now it was actually happening.
She has never used a paddle, with some coaching she started off, slowly at first and then faster and harder. Once I was warmed up she was really putting some strength into it (which mostly gave me a pleasant tingle, like I say I like being paddled, but some volleys had me squirming in pain nicely. She stopped to tease my cock and balls occasionally which was lovely...
we lay together afterwards, me in an endorphin high, kissing, hugging, and her then rolling onto her back demanding an orgasm. She likes her cums! The panties were off by now... I started to touch her and... Well she was very wet! She doesnt get wet easily, we use lube and lots of it. What happened we have no idea, she wasnt feeling particularly turned on at spanking me, not so that she had noticed. Her body obviously had thought otherwise and then some.. Needless to say she got a very good orgasm. By now I was dominating her and she ended up deep in fantasyland when she came.
She later admitted to me she had rather enjoyed spanking me, especially given some of our recent arguments. But she had especially enjoyed embarrassing me! I think there just might be a bit of a Domme in her after all... A good sign.
I really hope she continues experimenting and opening up her inner passion. We would both benefit from it hugely.
Well who know what I will think. Seriously though I do want to collect my thoughts and stories in one place. So here it is. I hope I can post regularly, but no promises. I hope you like my writing. I especially hope you comment and write back if you have been touched.
I will introduce myself a little now, but hopefully as I write more a little more will come out. Happily married to a wonderful, sexy, loving and slightly vanilla lady. On the surface a respectable businessman in a smart suit. Underneath that is a hedonist, someone who is forever young and in need of excitement. I ride bikes, ski, waterski, eat, drink and have sex with gusto. I try to experience all that life has to offer, good and bad, and I enjoy having good friends along for the ride. I am also one kinky mother...
And there is the rub... I can share most of who I am with almost anyone, but one of the most important parts of my self is forever hidden to most people I care about. As the years go by I find myself less able to support that double life. So I am here and I write, I do some photography, and I open up.
Sexually I am a switch. I am mostly dominant in practice, have been for years. Love to have a sexy girl bound and naked at my mercy. I can be a pretty 'creative' dom. I do switch though only one person so far has been able to do it, but God did I go deep! Never knew I had that much in me, and I must admit I miss it. On both sides I rather like orgasm denial, such a delicious and intense way to control someone. You will find that theme come up in a fair few of the stories, both those written from the Dom and Sub viewpoint.
My posting schedule will be fairly quick at first as I migrate old writing here. There will be some timeline to it, where I can tell the original posting date I will move it here with the same date.
n.b. All photos and stories on this blog are my own.