Sunday, 31 October 2010
Woke up and played. Sandy started to tease me about what she and her boyfriend had got up to. That got me worked up pretty damn quickly, but it did her too! She told me how good he feels inside her, how she loves the feeling of being filled with him, having him thrusting into her. As she said this she was thrusting herself against me. Suddenly she had an idea and got me in between her legs, rubbing her pussy against my cock and teasing me about how good it would feel if only I were allowed to fuck her, the way he had been. She wouldn't let me penetrate her but I could feel her heat and soaking wetness. She teased herself and me with her wet pussy. I was begging to be allowed in and she loved saying no, it was turning her on hugely to deny me. I was craving her pussy so badly, for a while I was very close very quickly!
But... to cut a long story short by the time she got totally worked up she was playing with her clit, the tip of my penis against her, and cheeky sub that I am I pushed a tiny bit in. She loved it and that was that, within a few minutes I was balls deep in her hot pussy, she was arching her back and thrusting back at me as she rubbed her clit and gave herself a very big orgasm, me thrusting deep inside. It was heavenly. Of course once she came I was pushed right out :)
Then a second orgasm by my hand.
Then she pulled me on to her again and pressing my cock head against her clit she rubbed herself to a third orgasm, this time just the tip of my cock inside her, me flexing to make my head grow and stretch her as she came.
And finally a couple of thrusts and she pulled me out and let me cum all over her bare pussy and soft tummy.
Lol! So much for the pussy ban, but we sure enjoyed it!
Historically we used to have problems with Sandy spending quality time with me, in that she didnt and we were growing apart. Its something I am sensitive about. She also has a very hot temper and when under stress it can come out. When its out its really bad! Over the last few months with her being back at work and us socialising more as the kids grow up she has found herself more tired and stressed, even with the extra load I have taken on. This has meant a nasty argument about once a month. She sings in a choral society twice a week, plays piano, now also sees her boyfriend once a week, and of course we see normal friends. Doesn't leave a lot of time in the evening once kids are thrown into the equation. Our already somewhat limited time has been put under more pressure.
Trying to work with that we have been more proactive about arranging time with each other, but so far its not worked. Sometimes she is tired, exacerbated by her other interests. Sometimes she has been more focussed on texting the new guy rather than focussing on us. Up to a point this is natural, its new and exciting, but a balance needs to be struck and it hadn't been. Finally as she is still a bit shy about it she tends to talk a lot about him in non-sexual aspects, but the fun stuff she has tended to keep to herself. Since this is something we are doing together its become a bit less together as a result. He has also fallen for her, and though I know he isnt a threat the emotion he has developed has triggered a touch of jealousy on my part, which I am working through.
The lack of time and togetherness preceedes the boyfriend by a long way. This hiccup is 70% work and life and our history, and 30% the extra pressure related to him. Though I concede that it was perhaps the trigger on an already time pressured week.
Cue a few days on very nasty arguments. Actually two very simple issues related to managing the above, that could easily have been sorted out had her stress and temper not caused it to get out of hand. Its taken a good three days to cool off and talk through enough of it to make headway. The solution is fairly simple, make more effort to spend quality time with each other. Sandy is considering dropping one of her singing groups to make more time for herself as she feels she needs to relax more. Finally she had not realised that she hadnt been telling me enough about her and the guy, and admitted that in the cold light of day she is too shy to get into any detail. So she agreed that sometimes when we play she will tell me more and tease me. Not that it was hard to get her to agree, she loves to tease me about it and did often when we were just thinking of getting into this. So effectively she is remembering to do something she loves.
Finally of course a little more communication between us while I get used to the idea that while this isnt a threat to us, there is more emotion than we expected. That takes getting used to.
I am very grateful to three fellow bloggers for advice that helped. Mistress Milliscent who advised that this takes adjustment, and one who will remain anonymous (if you are reading you know who you are) who told me about his own experience and the need for communication, and Heels who similarly gave me her experience. Thanks to you guys I was careful to talk about these issues before they had become too big to deal with.
So we are back in a good place, and soon i will write about the next time we had sex :)
ps. In case it seems that she is at fault and I am not, I also have a very hot temper, and while I did not start these arguments, once they flared I was no saint!
pps. I missed my deadline for shaving myself because of the above. I remembered but was too fired up to do it. I have been told to expect a punishment for taking too long. This makes me feel happy, loved and forgiven. Strange I know but its reaffirming that we are happy, that I am her sub and she loves me enough to want it.
Once back in bed she made her need very clear. She had not cum and after making me go down on her and lick her pussy, the pussy he had been inside (she was very clear about why she was making me go there), she took my hand and put it between her legs. I know what to do! I teased her and played with her, backing off several times until she cried out in frustration 'just fucking do it'. Soon after that I took her over the edge in a very powerful orgasm. She was much louder than usual and it lasted a long long time. The aftershocks probably lasted a minute or more. Not long after that a second orgasm, and then she told me in her domme voice that she was tired and we were going to sleep.
I went to sleep frustrated, horny, and with my cock nestled against her soft pert ass, and my arms around the woman I love.
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
We had great fun tying me up and getting her ready! Was a right giggle.
Safe sane and consensual. There is a weak link in the bindings that I can snap in an emergency and then free the rest of myself so don't worry. Of course if it isn't an emergency this will be punished.
Update. Almost four hours bound. I've always wanted to try long period bondage. It's a peaceful feeling. You just have to stop and let your body and mind relax. Nothing else to do! Except use this phone of course :) I am starting to feel a little cramp now, but it's coming and going. Time to stop soon i suspect.
Oh and I could just see into the house while they ate. After dinner she sat in his lap facing him for a while making out, her sexy legs and bare feet swinging and when she leant back her breasts jutting out. Dressed. She looked the sexiest! And (you may laugh) but she's mine. How lucky am I!
Monday, 25 October 2010
Apparently Sandy finds the collar very sexy on me. I ended up wearing it all evening, rubbed body lotion into her whole body as she lay naked watching tv. I got to kneel between her legs and go down on her for a while, then had a long slow tease ending in a powerful orgasm for me. A loving one with my wife in my arms kissing me and telling me she loved me.
I felt my heart burst with love last night.
Nb. I have been told that I am never to remove the collar, only she can. How perfectly right that feels.
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Wednesday, 20 October 2010
In an aside while looking for her coat she found the harness for our strap on which we thought we had lost. Fantastic. I noted that she could use it on me soon and her eyes lit right up. Its been a while since she has fucked me and it seems she has missed it.
Before she left the house we made out, she was grinding her crotch into the front plate of my belt, teasing my mouth by fucking it with her tongue and breathing heavily into me. I had her firm butt in my hands which was barely contained by her skirt. It was obvious I was melting with lust and desire for her and equally obvious she was utterly enjoying herself. I kissed her a final goodbye, dropped to my knees and kissed each of her feet, the last thing I kissed before she left the house to meet the other man.
Further update after the visit...
Sandy was tired before she went out and did not want a late night, nor did she want to go to his place afterwards. I was expecting her home by 2:30 at the latest. I had said it was fine if she wanted to go out later but to text me so I didn't worry. She said she would.
I worked till about one then went to bed. Woke at 2:30, just by chance not by design and checked the time and for messages. Nothing, but that's fine. A little while later texted her to see if she was having a nice time. More of a gentle check up. No reply but I knew in the club she wouldn't have her phone, so I started worrying a bit but told myself I shouldn't. After another hour I was so concerned I sent another text asking if she was OK. I got a reply a few minutes later but it was very cryptic and did little to ease my mind. I asked what she meant. No reply. Now I was really worried but I didn't want to disturb her when she is probably fine and I am just being silly. I couldn't shake it off though. At four I texted one last time and when I got no reply I decided it was enough and called her, getting through on the second attempt only, more worry. She said she was OK and on her way home and my heart stopped beating quite so fast.
I was so damned worried, I wondered if I had overreacted but thinking about it later I realised that so many things had not added up that I was right to. Even her odd reply which it turns out had been her trying, while receiving oral, to tell me she had cum twice. Lovely idea crap execution. It was so odd I wondered if someone else had her phone.
She was very apologetic. We hugged, she told me she loved me and a bit about her night before she went to sleep. I slept badly and my dreams were full of anger at her. My subconcious was telling me something that I hadn't realised while awake. I was angry with her for scaring me.
Next day we talked about it, she agreed she had been very silly not to get in touch and had between swept up in the moment. She agreed I had good reason to worry and did not want me not to check up on her as she liked the security net. We agreed on a sign in her texts to show she is OK and it really is her, and she will be more careful next time.
Panic over, but by god it scared me.
Anyway she had a really good time but my own experience was rather overshadowed.
Tuesday, 19 October 2010
She has also admitted that its reminded her why we are kinky. Once a week or so of vanilla fucking is fun especially with someone new, but she has said she needs much more than that. Her lover is not especially kinky and she told me would get bored if that is all she had. Again this works for her, she gets both vanilla from him and kink and d/s from me.
Mind you her lover has noticed that she is quite a dominant woman and it appears that he might have a bit of a submissive streak himself. He has asked her a couple of times to dominate him and she has declined. She says it is partly because she doesn't know him well enough to do it well, but mainly because she has that with me and prefers her lover to be equal or even a touch dominant with her. Poor bloke. If he really does have a submissive streak it must be hard to be so close to having your fix but not getting it. I suggested to her that she should tell him about our dynamic otherwise he doesn't understand part of what makes her tick.
For myself I kind of like it that my submission to her is valuable precisely because it's coming from the man she loves, and I like to think she doesn't want that with anyone else. She says don't kid myself:) she values it from me but doesn't want it with him mainly because she wants a change.
She does not think that having a lover is a lifestyle for her. She thinks that after this it may not happen again. I find that amusing, she had thoughts like that about so many things in the past. She does not always realise how much these things grow to be part of her. She gets dominance at home but vanilla sex with an equal away. She has all the fun of a new relationship and the excitement of the taboo, while having a loving husband and safe home life. She enjoys the fantasy. Most of all she has broken that taboo once and knows that it has not harmed us, quite the opposite. Once you've done it once the second time is much easier. So I doubt this is the only time, because one day whether a year of 5 from now when a cute guy she likes shows an interest in her and she knows her husband wont mind and her relationship will only benefit, whats the chance of her saying no?
Monday, 18 October 2010
She came with me when I got my piercing, mainly because we happened to be having lunch beforehand.
A few days ago over lunch she asked if she could see a picture of it. I showed her the one on this blog, which she liked. She asked me why I had done it. I told her partly because I liked it, but then throwing caution to the wind told her it was also so I could wear a chastity belt. She caught on very quick and to my surprise loved the idea of holding the key. 'The fun I could have teasing you' she said.
At times like that I wish I were single!
Saturday, 16 October 2010
They both wish they could avoid condoms since they both prefer the way it feels, but since he is fairly promiscuous Sandy has decided that it wont happen with him. This is kind of a shame as she really gets off on the idea of him cumming inside her, of feeling his cum dripping down her thighs after. She is totally turned on by coming home and making me lick her clean afterwards, she talks about it as a certainty that it would happen. I'm glad safety takes precedence though. Perhaps one day we will get to experience that but for now it remains a fantasy.
Funnily enough she doesnt think he feels better inside her than I do. I wonder what will happen when she next fucks me though, as its been two months since we last did, and it will be a long while before we do again. I wonder if the difference will be more noticeable then. I suspect not but its an interesting thought. The fantasy of course is that she prefers him, but the reality is that she and I are very sexually compatible and she loves sex with me. This is a good thing, though we often play with the fantasy of the better lover. She enjoys calling me dicklet and I get off on playing up to it. We both know its not true, if I really weren't comfortable with my cock I dont think a comment as barbed as that would be fun in the slightest, but as it is it works in a tongue in cheek kind of way.
There are some extreme aspects to this cuck play though. The first is that she clearly has emotions for him. Not romantic love but she likes him and cares about him. This isn't a risk to us, he's not a man she could be with in a relationship, but she cares a lot nonetheless and misses him. I am finding my feet with the reality of this lifestyle, seeing a bit less of her, knowing her emotions are shared. It takes a bit of getting used to. Not a lot, i have total trust in her and we are still more in love than ever before, but logical knowledge that this is ok is not the same as emotionally feeling it. I feel good about it, as does she, but every now and then I am keenly aware of my feelings about the whole subject. Its like a chastity belt, permanent bondage it reminds you each time you feel it that your partner has you at her mercy. Well each time I remember what she has done and is still doing, each time I see a text or her smile when she talks about him, its like a little submissive lurch inside me and another level of excitement and submission that i am drawn into.
This is turning into a long long post. That wasn't what I intended. I don't often get to write on a pc, usually I'm on the iphone and have to keep them shorter. Its good to dump my thoughts down though.
She and I are getting deeper into a d/s relationship. One effect of this is that I am getting more submissive to her, so much so that I want her to take the cuckolding decision away from me. At the moment I know she will stop the instant I say, she has been very clear about that with me. I really appreciate that but I really want her to be the only one to make that decision, to fuck who she wants without asking permission, to stop only when she chooses. Here is where fantasy and reality clash of course. It would be insane for us to actually take that step. She never would, not just the risk to our relationship but simply that loving and caring for me as she does makes it impossible for her to ignore my hurt and carry on if I needed her to stop. As for me I am not slave material I cant delegate our entire life to her, I need intimacy and need her love and respect. I am comfortable precisely because I know that if things became hard she would put me first. The fantasy of being utterly submissive in this regard is deeply appealing to my submissive side but totally impractical in reality.
There is however an area in which we are both comfortable handing over total control to her, an area which feeds my submission and her dominance, and takes some advantage of the cuckold dynamic. Permission to fuck my own wife. She isn't usually much into penetrative sex so we don't do it often and its been up to her for a long time now. Occasionally we have a vanilla break but the rest of the time its her call. Of course now she is getting a regular, almost weekly fuck from her lover its pretty much met her need for that kind of sex. She loves denying me anyway and is now very excited by denying me her pussy, not just a fuck but even momentary entry, while offering it to him freely. She gets a fuck with a nice guy with a big cock, she gets the added pleasure of the naughtiness of not allowing her own husband the same pleasure. It turns her on to think of me being denied while she breaks the ultimate taboo. It turns me on too. Sandy decided a couple of weeks back that I was banned for a while, yesterday I encouraged her to put a timescale on it.
2011. I wont be allowed inside her until 1 Jan 2011. Not once, not even for a moment. Her pussy is out of bounds. What is more she has said that she is seriously considering making this a permanent ban as long as she is seeing her lover, since she loves being that mean to me and is getting her fill anyway. Remember that she does not expect this to last very long, a year at most, so the ban is not as bad as it sounds. If it lasts long term she has been pretty clear that she will want me inside her on occasion, but only rarely. Hence on the 1st of Jan she will decide if I can fuck her again, or if the ban gets extended.
Going back to the earlier point, we cant let her decide alone wether to keep fucking her lover, but we can make my fucking her part of the power exchange. We decided over the last few days that it is now entirely up to her when or even if I get to fuck her. She can extend the ban a day, a week, a year with a veto over anything I request. This will apply even when we are having a vanilla break. Its not so different to our normal life of the last three years but its become more solid, even less negotiable. Any pretence I had of access to my wife for a fuck has been laid to rest. I can honestly say that I love it, knowing I am completely at her whim for her pussy makes me burn for her and my submission grow, and she just loves the power.
This is a fairly extreme post I realise. I am very interested to know your thoughts so for those of you reading, if you have an opinion I would be grateful to hear it.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Yes its what has become Sandy's weekly visit to her lover. She didnt expect to want to go this often but she is having fun. Im sure sooner or later it will settle down to more like once or twice a month but for now once a week a very wet and horny Sandy leaves a very horny hubby locked up at home while she goes to have fun, see her friend, and sometimes get a large cock.
In her own words from a text she sent him
'In my hand, my mouth, and my pussy. Im very wet.'
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
I mentioned to sandy that I might be traveling for a few days soon. Her first half joking comment was about having her lover over. Her second totally serious one was about locking me in the new chastity belt, the Pa-5000 while I'm gone. She is a bad but fun puppy.
Yes that might be possible. I went up a gauge today, to the thickness of the pa-5000 ring. Another month to get used to it and I might just be on a traveling lock up.
My god it hurt. It hurt much more than the piercing itself. We had to stop halfway for me to get used to it and at that point the thick end looked very thick indeed! But it got done and its fine now, just a bit tender.
You know how once you are on a roller coaster there is no getting off? Or maybe you have read about guys who offer to let their wives play away, and once that door is open she loves it too much to close it again. Well that's me now.
She basically said that she thinks she is enjoying this game more than me and is glad i encouraged her to do it.
I don't know about more but the comment shows how much she likes it. This isn't about to stop.
Monday, 11 October 2010
I will always remember being made to worship her feet in the heels while she stood in front of me, whipping the crop into my arse crack repeatedly hitting my hole, making it sting and burn, while admonishing me not to slobber on her feet and ruin her shoes. I wasn't of course but she liked humiliating and taunting me. She was well into the mood. Later she crouched behind me so I could see her pussy pouting as I looked back between my legs, then started whipping my balls knowing I did not want to pull away and lose the view.
A short bout of tickling followed, short but intense, then she ordered me to insert our largest butt plug, she wanted me plugged as she peed all over me. She was dead pleased with the idea. Since she wasn't ready yet she ordered me to remain on all fours on the floor at the foot of the bed, plugged and facing away from her while she relaxed for a while texting her lover and admiring my arse. I wasn't allowed to look at her. I must have been there for ten minutes and asked to look at her several times before being allowed to turn. When finally I was allowed to turn i found her lying on her side with her curves enhanced by her position, her diamond between her legs visible and her finger idly tracing over her arse and lips. Every now and then she would peek over at me and smile. I wasn't allowed to touch, I must have spent another thirty minutes kneeling there drooling wanting needing, and being denied. Two or three times I couldn't help myself and jumped on to the bed, hugging her and rubbing myself into her. Each time she started counting fast until I got back on my knees, then whipped me hard that many strokes to teach me my place. The last time I buried my face in her very wet cunt and tasted and drank her until she reached forty, I couldn't drag myself away. Mercifully only twenty of the strokes were hard but she was almost squeeling with fun as I squirmed to escape the crop.
Finally unable to stand the sight of the feast I pulled her down the bed a little way, staying on my knees I buried my head in her thighs and began to gently lick her, very gently, keeping her relaxed mood, I spent twenty minutes just gently pleasuring her and tasting her. For a girly who doesn't usually like oral this was unusual, but she found it very relaxing being very lightly played and licked while texting.
Sadly that's where it ended as my daughter chose that time to be sick in her sleep...
By the time we finished up it was late and sandy was tired, but she did need a pee. So one last little play as she ordered me into the bath, stood over me with her legs spread and let flow over my face and body. She always enjoys the dirtyness of it, and the enjoyment I get from it.
And there it ends. A lot of fun, no orgasms.
Sunday, 10 October 2010
Good lord that was a strange night! She went over there with a slight cold and I thought she might just be in the mood to chill and chat. Before she left she insisted I lock myself up, as I said in my last post, and she got dressed, so it was obvious something might happen.
I sat at home, tidied up, did some chores, wrote a post, watched some porn (yes cheating wife porn), wished I could touch myself. Then realising that porn without any stimulation is quite dull I watched some TV. Turned off the light, closed my eyes, imagined what might be going on and then imagined it some more. At that point the steel tube on my neosteel split and my raging member escaped, homing in on the nearest woman like a missile. That last part sadly didnt happen by the way.
I had a text exchange with her just after she got there where she said this game was fun!!!
I was at first just relaxing but as the time went by and it was almost midnight it became obvious that she would have been home by then if nothing was going on. That got my imagination racing and suddenly it became very hard to focus on anything else. I wasnt sure quite how I felt, there were no negative emotions, no jelousy or fear, but a strange mix of lust, submission, curiosity, and happiness for her. I was very horny, but by midnight I was falling asleep. I dozed probably for only 5 minutes before she got home. After pottering downstairs for a few minutes she came up to bed, smiled and slunk over the bed still fully dressed. She was very amorous and looked at me with lust drunken eyes, saying huskily 'i've been very naughty...'
Oh God, I did burst! She had done it, enjoyed it, and was here telling me that she had fucked him in a tone of voice that made it obvious she loved it. She told me a bit about the evening as she unlocked me, how they had chatted for a little while then they had undressed, how he loved her lack of panties and it had been making her tingly all evening not wearing them. How good he felt inside her and how filled she was. By this time I was teasing her soaking, dripping slit and she was getting really hot. He still hasnt been able to make her cum, my gain! She pushed my head down to her pussy making me lick her, telling me how he had been inside her pussy, asking could I taste the rubber and her juices and know, know for sure her pussy had been his. The talk was getting her off big time. In pretty short order I was on the edge from her teasing, and she had had her first orgasm. The first of three, lucky girl! And what an orgasm it was, it must have lasted over a minute. We had been fantasising as I pleasured her, and in chatting I happened to ask her if I would ever be allowed to be unlocked while she was away. I wasnt entirely surprised that the answer was no but i was surprised how strongly she felt about it. She basically said it really really turns her on to have me locked and be fucking him, knowing the state i am in, knowing i cant touch myself while I am so desperate to because of the thoughts of her. Her saying it and thinking of it had an immediate impact on her lust, her voice actually dropped deeper, her hips ground against me and I swear I felt an extra wetness flow from her as she was telling me this. I was utterly shocked and totally turned on by how much it turns her on to keep my cock locked up while she plays. In fact she ended up telling me that I am now banned from her pussy, might be only a few weeks or it might be as long as she is seeing him. The timescale is unknown but she confirmed afterwards that she was serious about denying me entry to her for a while.
She loves this game, she is stunned how much she enjoys it. She loves having another man to play with, loves the dynamic between us that is developing, and loves teasing me and denying me about it all. She keeps making little comments all throughout the day and teasing me. She is certain she will do it again with him. Funnily enough this is making us closer too, and more in love.
She did ask several times if I minded, it feels good hearing her ask even though I dont mind at all, and she needed the reassurance. She has also asked if I mind that she cares about him, by which she means as a friend who she values. Of course I dont mind, she isnt falling in love and I would almost be more concerned if she was so hard hearted as to not feel something for him. Our relationship is clearly not being harmed by it, quite the opposite.
Oh and of course I didnt get to cum, its not the weekend. Even after having so much fun she is absolutely strict about that. Damn!
Thursday, 7 October 2010
In actual fact we didnt play that night, nor did she visit him on monday as she got sick herself... I thought that there would be at least a few days before anything could happen between us, and longer before she wanted to go out.
How wrong I was.
Tonight when she got home from work she looked fantastic. Business suit, crisp shirt, tan thigh highs underneath. I who havent cum for a week and a half couldnt keep my hands off her. She enjoyed the attention, and the desperate attentive state I was in amused her. She playfully, but seriously said that she intended to go and see him tonight, and did I mind. Actually I possibly did, I said im happy for her to go as long as she is feeling well, but not to push herself and have the cold bite back, its a doozy. She promised if she felt at all tired she would stay at home, but that she felt rather well.
We cuddled for a short while and chatted. I enjoyed the feel of her nearly naked body against me, she had taken off her work clothing but the thigh highs were still on. She wasnt sure if she was in a dominant mood at first but after 5 minutes sat on top and started teasing me a bit. She said she had made up her mind, she was in the mood and I was expected to lock my cock up before she went out, she didnt want me playing with myself while thinking of her adventure. She really enjoyed denying me that at a time I would be so desperate to tease myself. So I just spent the last 20 minutes watching and helping her dress. Ten inch denim mini, dark tights (hose) with no panties (her idea, she fantasised about it the other day and obviously it stuck with her), no bra, tight vest and pretty shirt. As if that wasnt enough, and my locked cock wasnt already bending steel, she bent over to get her high pointed heel black leather knee boots. First wear of the winter and its for his benefit and my tease. She knew exactly what she was doing, even looking back at me for the reaction she was fully expecting to cause.
There we are. She may not go over to his after her errands if she is feeling unwell. She may go over and just chat, but she may end up playing and I have no idea. Its driving me crazy with lust, and all that does is make her enjoy denying me more.
She suggested she go see him, she pushed it, she wanted it. I didnt have to encourage her or tell her its ok at all. This is a first, its her game now. I told her she was enjoying this more than she expected she would and she wholeheartedly agreed. She admitted that she enjoys the game as much as I do, another surprise for me. It also makes her feel more dominant toward me (and more loving).
Tuesday, 5 October 2010
Mistress Milliscent wrote of a difference between how an individual defines themselves from a kink perspective. Into bdsm or am bdsm. I hadn't thought of it that way before but it clarifies feeling of surprise expressed in my post about sandy being truly kinky. For many years she has been resistant to kink due to being uncomfortable, society judgement repression. Then for a number of years she began to get over that. My own model of her mind has just about kept up with her increasing comfort with kink, but only just. It is an inadequate model, I had not really allowed myself to recognise how much she has changed over the last three years. At some point she went from a women who is into bdsm, to a woman who is bdsm. No longer a hobby or pleasant diversion, she is now at a very fundamental level kinky, dominant, and even mean, though lovingly so. She admits she could not go back to how we were before, and were we to ever separate she believes she would be the same with a new man. So its not a function of us, but of her.
Her model of her own mind knows this, its just me playing catch up, and its such a big change to the sandy I knew for over a decade that I am sure I will be surprised by this again. Surprise but ever so pleased, for both of us.
One conversation in passing is worth a mention. A few weeks back when we had a vanilla break we made love, or fucked a few times. I asked her if she was missing it. She said she was a bit. This surprised me as she very rarely misses penetrative sex. So I asked (rather hopefully) if she wanted more of it, and she basically said yes but not with me. I assumed she was joking but then out of interest asked what she missed about it. It seems it's not the emotional intimacy (which is why I value it) it's simply the sensation she is missing. I guessed then that she meant it about wanting a fuck, but with her new guy rather than me, and she confirmed that.
We laughed about it, she felt a touch uncomfortable and pointed out it's just for now, it's a fun game. I smiled, since I know that already, but enjoyed teasing her about it nonetheless.
Oh and we've started occasionally calling him her boyfriend. It's meant mostly in irony, mostly but not entirely. She spends a lot of time chatting or texting in a rough simulacrum of a new relationship. It's not of course, before you get worrying. In fact we both find ourselves closer to each other than before. But it's similar enough to warrant the label.
Sunday, 3 October 2010
As the play with the other guy progresses the reality of having another person in the scene is starting to be apparent. As so often the fantasy and the reality are not the same, and reality is harder and more nuanced.
The other guy is aware we have an open relationship, that I know everything that goes on between them. There are no real secrets between Sandy and I, nor could there be. But Sandy and I have talked and fantasised about this kind of relationship for several years and are deeply aware of what open means to us. To us it means we come first, that she loves me, respects me, fancies the pants off me. We have history, children and a future that neither of us would walk away from. I don't think he fully understands this yet. He understands open in theory yet as far as we can tell cant quite believe it. He says he wouldn't share a woman like her if they were together. Thats fine and understandable but that and similar comments show that he is far from understanding that we aren't sharing the part of her that makes us a couple in love. Its very hard to be sure because like so many men he isn't that open about feelings, but occasionally we wonder if he realises that Sandy fooling around is not in any way indicative of a flaw in our relationship.
We also know that he has become very infatuated with her. Easy to do, Sandy is an absolute gem, her personality shines bright. He is in the honeymoon stage where she can do no wrong, he hasn't seen her flaws, the aspects of her that in her own words would drive him potty and make them unsuited in the long term. He is getting rather romantic and every now and then Sandy has to back off and make the boundaries clear. Cue a slightly hurt backtrack as he says that he is a big boy and capable of looking after himself. We are sure he is, but fundamentally he seems the type to fall in 'love' easily and even if he can survive it not being reciprocated we still don't want to hurt his feelings. Its a new relationship (theirs that is) and like all new relationships it takes a bit of time to settle down and find its boundaries. We are going through that stage now. I think that if this aspect of it doesn't settle down soon Sandy will put an end to the whole thing, for his sake. The next few weeks will be key.
Due to the feelings he has for her and the fact that he just isn't comfortable with that kind of thing I need to stay off the scene. There will be no watching while tied in the corner, no listening on the end of a phone. I will be lucky to get the odd picture. Our fantasies would ideally include me more, but as so often once you start this process you don't always get quite what you wanted. So I enjoy imagining what they are up to, she enjoys telling me all about it. The rest will have to remain a fantasy. Not that this ruins the experience, its still fun, but its not the fantasy ideal.
Finally he seems to be a long way from understanding real dominance and submission. He doesn't know that we are in a d/s relationship and Sandy doesn't think she wants to tell him as she suspects he would get an incorrect impression on me. Not knowing she is dominant means that a large part of who she is nowadays is a mystery to him, and though she intends to tell him a bit about that side of her character its not something she thinks he will grok. (who remembers the term grok, does that make me a real geek?) Again this is not unexpected, it takes people years in this scene to understand the nuances of a d/s relationship, and the nuances of a dominant or submissive character. 'Vanilla' people just think of it as a sexual thing.
So all of this sounds vaguely negative. In fact apart from the possibility that his feelings for her are too strong the rest just is what it is. It needs to be worked through, and Sandy and I work with what we have.
Its a lot of fun, but lets be honest and open about the trickier aspects.
As we were chatting we discussed her sleeping with another guy, and what would happen if I asked her to stop. She said that after so many years of wanting her to do this (and other kinky things) she would be miffed if I stopped her now. She would, but would have a serious chat to me first along the lines of not going hot or cold. If I say stop now thats it, there is no going back. Not that we are about to stop because chatting about it got us both very horny. She half joked about going to see him tomorrow I asked if I could help dress her if she did. She agree on condition that she locks me up first. She got very horny while we were discussing this. I was teasing her already damp slit as we spoke. She admitted that it turns her on to think of me locked up unable even to touch myself while she gets fucked by another man. Specifically it turns her on to have me locked up while she is out there having fun, knowing all I can do is think of what she is up to. She gets all the fun and i get denied. By this point she had more or less decided to go over there with a skirt, holdups and no panties or bra. She wanted him to have easy access to her. I teased her to the point of orgasm, two fingers stroking her G spot while teasing her clit, she was very very wet, unusually so. I suggested that she not cum and we save it till tonight (we hope to play later). She responded that maybe she wont let me make her cum tonight either and would rather save it for tomorrow. She likes the idea of denying me the pleasure of getting her off, and as a bonus knowing the more horny she is the more likely he is to be able to do the job.
I think at this point I realised that my wife is really, truly kinky, and has a mean domme streak a mile wide.
Saturday, 2 October 2010
That's what I wanted for so long, knowing that she wants my suffering, and she decides and gets. It is hard knowing that I will always be kept so horny though!
She did say she didn't think she would reduce it either, that she likes it this way. I am relieved by that, although I'm not convinced she wont at some point become more strict.
Friday, 1 October 2010
At this stage it looks almost healed! So quickly, I'm used to months for a Frenum and still it wasn't perfect. This looks almost done and I think I can go up a gauge now, though I intend to give it one more week for extra confidence.
I love it, its sexy, feels nice, I love the subtle weight of it dangling and like seeing it there. The anarchist in me revels in my moment of counter culture subversion. Suit on the outside maybe but I'm still me somewhere in there.
I can pee!!! It takes care to line it up and put pressure on my head just so, I need to spread my legs wide just in case and stand very close to the urinal, but I can do it! Excellent news as I do like to go to the pub.
I am as the advert says lovin' it.