Sandy likes to highlight the difference. With her lover she has sex as an equal. She lets him fuck her and encourages him to be rough with her. I am her sub and sex between us is almost entirely a d/s dynamic. With me she is in charge in bed, even when temporarily she gives away a little power. She has admitted that she spent a long time teaching me to be gentle, and now with him remembers the pleasure of someone being rough with her. She says it almost to tease me because she doesn't want me to change, she gets submissive kinky sex at home with me, and now and then gets sex with an equal, fucking, and not being dominant with her lover. The best of both worlds. What is more she enjoys the disparity, her husband is sexually her sub, her lover is her equal. These are her words.
She has also admitted that its reminded her why we are kinky. Once a week or so of vanilla fucking is fun especially with someone new, but she has said she needs much more than that. Her lover is not especially kinky and she told me would get bored if that is all she had. Again this works for her, she gets both vanilla from him and kink and d/s from me.
Mind you her lover has noticed that she is quite a dominant woman and it appears that he might have a bit of a submissive streak himself. He has asked her a couple of times to dominate him and she has declined. She says it is partly because she doesn't know him well enough to do it well, but mainly because she has that with me and prefers her lover to be equal or even a touch dominant with her. Poor bloke. If he really does have a submissive streak it must be hard to be so close to having your fix but not getting it. I suggested to her that she should tell him about our dynamic otherwise he doesn't understand part of what makes her tick.
For myself I kind of like it that my submission to her is valuable precisely because it's coming from the man she loves, and I like to think she doesn't want that with anyone else. She says don't kid myself:) she values it from me but doesn't want it with him mainly because she wants a change.
She does not think that having a lover is a lifestyle for her. She thinks that after this it may not happen again. I find that amusing, she had thoughts like that about so many things in the past. She does not always realise how much these things grow to be part of her. She gets dominance at home but vanilla sex with an equal away. She has all the fun of a new relationship and the excitement of the taboo, while having a loving husband and safe home life. She enjoys the fantasy. Most of all she has broken that taboo once and knows that it has not harmed us, quite the opposite. Once you've done it once the second time is much easier. So I doubt this is the only time, because one day whether a year of 5 from now when a cute guy she likes shows an interest in her and she knows her husband wont mind and her relationship will only benefit, whats the chance of her saying no?