Friday, 16 December 2011

The kiss of the crop

The last two post were a bit spicy weren't they. Better be more fun..

We may be taking a break from 24/7 d/s but we sure aren't stopping our 12 days of Christmas. In fact ever since the whipping I posted about recently sandy has kicked up the intensity a lot!

This means that sandy has finally marked me with the crop. She's tried often but I don't bruise easy. Shes every so very happy, it's lasted two days and counting.

Monday, 12 December 2011

What a mess

Sandy had a conversation with her lover. Long and short of it is that his feelings are so strong for her he doesnt think he can strike a balance. As such he thinks its better he ends it before our marriage is affected.

Unfortunately he has been badly hurt himself and he was having a tough time even before this. Sandy is gutted, she really did feel for the guy. I feel like a cad for precipitating the whole thing and messing things up. We needed and asked for more space but somehow that has become a damnable mess.

You would think most men would jump at a low friction fun and friendship type affair! Thats two out of two who have fallen too deeply for Sandy, asked for too much, and as such its gone awry.

Sunday, 11 December 2011

How hard is an emotionally open marriage?

A quick update

Sandy and I are taking a short break from d/s. This includes orgasm denial (though it pained her to say it) and denial of intercourse. We are also in the last make or break stage of keeping this marriage open with this lover,  stopping the experiment. 

When things settle I hope to write much more about it. Hopefully it will settle without us having to stop but we are a hair breadth from that decision. It is proving very tricky to manage a three way relationship. This isn't pure sex or friends with benefits. Sandy is naturally prone to immersing herself in her lover, at least for the first months and flush of excitement. He is emotionally demanding and unfortunately has fallen in love. Love is fine to a point, but he is constantly trying to get her attention and is jealous of me. she can't easily keep away from him mentally and reserve time and attention for me partly because of her own excitement, but more because of his possessiveness and constant contact. I feel he is a threat to us, I am trying to be open to sharing, he is not. As a result I was starting to feel jealous of him until realised that this is not the way it should be, that were he not so demanding of her it would be more lighthearted and fun for all, and not feel so threatening. 

Sandy is stressed at work, tired, busy. She has not got the time and mental energy to deal with that, and me, and kids, and work etc. She cant see him several times a week and still have time and energy for her family, or be responding to texts in the evenings instead of being present with us. 

She intends to talk to him about this tomorrow. I have my doubts he has the maturity to cope with such a complex relationship,  if he doesn't it will end soon. 

For my part sandy has said that she wants more freedom, is not comfortable with my being too involved. This is a learning experience for me too, and in principle I am happy, both as a husband and a sub, to set her free. I hadn't realised she felt that way.  We both agree though that we need to think about how it is working first. I have taken more control since we started rather than less because I don't trust him to respect our marriage, and because she has made some serious mistakes that have hurt me. It is a learning experience for us all, and a hard lesson. She sees why I am like this. I see why she did what she did. I love her and know her, I can understand her actions and am beginning to understand her needs and drives. 

We are doing some hard thinking the next few days. Much will depend on him, she and I can make it work we think, though we aren't sure, but can he?

Some more questions answered

More questions and answers 

First of all I was rather amused at Marias picking up on the odd spelling mistake. I have a very busy life. A wife who works full time and two kids, a main job, and founding another business. I write in short snatches, often on and iPhone while travelling. Rarely have time to proof read or edit much, and am reliant on spotting the inevitable iPhone autocorrect howler. So while I apologise for those mistakes I'm not going to stop making them :)

Sandy rarely reads my posts or anything online. She isn't an online person. She does on occasion though and it can happen anytime. Yes I have discussed with her about wether she would stop. She insist without hint of hesitation that she would, although admits she would find hard. If she ever told me she wouldn't a red flag would go up so fast you wouldn't believe. I'm not a beta character in life, quite the opposite. I am her sub because we respect each other and i love and trust her, but I'm no doormat. If her love for me ever became threatened the d/s would stop from my side very quickly. So would her extramarital fun, or our marriage. 

Luckily she has no intention of threatening one of the happiest marriages of anyone we know :)

Paul Pines is an interesting case. I read some of his diary a long while ago and found it a very sad read. It isnt relevant to us though. I am good in bed, I turn sandy on a lot, and if I didn't my self respect would first drive me to learn to be better, and if that failed I would with regret have to move on to someone with whom I was more compatible. kids of course make that more complicated but it's the timing that might be affected, not the outcome. Again luckily that's not who she or I are in any way. 

Sandy doesn't prefer sex with her lover, she likes both. Right now I have an edge because I know her better, and he has an edge because he is new and exciting. That makes us different but doesn't make her prefer him. She actively enjoys denying me because it turns her on not because she doesn't enjoy fucking me. That said I can't say for sure that it won't increase in time. In fact I think there is a high chance it will. But it will do so only as long as we both enjoy it, if I stop enjoying it then she won't either. That's what she is like. What any loving couple are like in my opinion. Further we both get bored easily and need variety, so we will likely always take breaks from it if only for a change. Finally there is a certain intimacy that we both get from making love, her less so than me but still enough that while she can do without for long periods, it wouldn't be forever. 

I hope this clarifies some. If I'm coming on strong it's because I know her, me and us well, and nothing resembling the Paul Pines level of discomfort would enter into this relationship before one or both of us backtracked screaming :) 

Sandys favourite words are it's fun. If it isn't fun, if it gets uncomfortable or boring then things change. 

Monday, 5 December 2011

The twelve days of Christmas

Fours years ago on the 1st december something began that, though we had no idea at the time, would lead to my wife recognising her dominance and becoming comfortable with it. Which in turn would lead to us living a mostly continuous domme /sub relationship. Though we do take breaks on occasion, for a change or when we are feeling the need for vanilla, even during the break there is a tiny undercurrent of d/s.

This wasn't always the case. I'm very alpha in normal life and like to be in control always. That's how sandy and I used to be, and she for her part used to think she liked to mould herself to others.

I knew i was a switch sexually but never really explored emotional or day to say submission. Sandy knew she liked to dominate sexually on occasion but was never comfortable in the role or aware she actually liked to be in control. She mostly did it because I liked it.

The thing that triggered the change was the twelve days of Christmas. It started as a kinky game. On December 1st she would whip me once. Twice on the second. Etc. It sounded fun to us both. On the first day she realised that one wasn't enough and decided the count was per bum cheek.

And so it began. By the 25th she was very much more comfortable with being in the dominant role and we had both started to recognise that she felt fulfilled in the wider role of domme, not just as the odd sex game.

This Christmas we thought we would do the same. Only now she has a riding crop, a real one for horses not for men's bottoms. It hurts. I'm very much enjoying having 24 days of submitting to her and she loves the idea of whipping me anyway so relishes it too! Probably more than me.

I'm wondering how I'm going to cope with 24!!!

I know I will thank her from the bottom of my heart. I always feel especially in love when I submit to her, and she enjoys an intimacy with me that she truly appreciates.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

I'm scared

It's all happening fast. It's happening to extremes. For me at least. Deepest and darkest fantasies are becoming likely to happen. I feel like things I have fantasised about for a long time are not my fantasy any more but Sandy's. And she wants them to be real.

It's one thing sharing your wife. It's another lying in bed desperate horny, truly wishing you could cum. Truly wishing you could fuck her. Make love to her. Yet have her say no. Have her tell you, in total seriousness and candour, that she does not miss fucking you and does not intend to allow you to do that. Not words said purely to fuel a fantasy but stated even when cold. Thats not sharing, that's being as deeply submissive as a man can get. That's allowing what I so desire to be taken by her from me. And sandy, well she gets off more and more on the disparity. He gets to cum, I don't. On her tits, in her mouth, in her pussy or ass. Wherever and however he wants. She loves that I can't do that. She revels in it. It makes her feel powerful and mean and delicious, her eyes burn with fire as she says how much she likes it. She enjoys being his slut, and all the more because she is my Domme and my denier.

Tonight I asked her to tell me a dark fantasy she likes. She told me locking my cock up for a whole month, no freedom at all. To be fucking her lover, maybe even three times a week, taking photos to show me, taunt me with, knowing I won't have a single orgasm, or a single minute of freedom from the chastity belt merely to have a wank over the photo of her unfaithfulness. I was floored by the extreme of the fantasy, but not as floored as when I asked her if she wanted it for real. Her answer an unequivocal yes! Even pointing out that if he figured out how to make her cum properly even that pleasure might be reduced for me. I would get to tease her but not often make her cum.

Sandy and I have a few issues to deal with at the moment. Some related to making an open marriage work in reality, some related to life in general. I will write about them. She pointed out that she would be worried about making that fantasy real just now because of those other things, but If they were sorted then she would do it.

Furthermore she wants to reduce my weekly single orgasm to one a month. I suggested a day of freedom a month but she insists one sole orgasm only. She wants that because it's mean and fun and makes her squirm, and because her lover will get even more than me then. She thinks she could keep that up for maybe 6 months! Again these other issues mean for now it will remain fantasy, but maybe not forever. This tid bit came up when I asked, no begged her to allow me two orgasms a week as I'm really struggling with being horny all the time. Two orgasms a week was just laughed at, no chance at all. That's when she mentioned her interest in one a month.

Be careful what you wish for has never felt this true. She is running ahead with things I never imagined could be real. My limits are being pushed hard. I am honestly truly mixed up about wether I can do this. My cock loves it, my sexuality sings to her tune. My heart is afraid and my alpha male head is rebelling. My old Domme used to say I think too much, just live in the moment and enjoy. Sandy is now telling me the same. It's just fun she says. But her fun is easier to live with, my end of this Faustian deal is a bittersweet pleasure.

Angst much?

I know he isn't a better lover than me, though he is very good. He is new and of course that is a huge turn on for her. She doesn't prefer fucking him, in the sense of prefer the sensation or way he does it, but for now she prefers to fuck only him and deny me because that is her pleasure. I know she doesn't intent this way of life to be permanent, might only be weeks before she fucks me again. But I already miss making love to her, and by going this deeply into submission to her I wonder if we could ever truly go back. No I know we couldn't. Already 4 years of being her sub have changed us. Once in a blue moon could I just take what i want from her. She does not want to live that way in her main relationship. She wants the control and has tasted it. That sexual path is probably forever behind us now. How much else will change with me sliding deeper and accepting what might be weeks or months of denial of her pussy, and months of her enjoying the sexual pleasure that comes of a man who uses her and fucks her and does what he likes. Afterwards perhaps she will want more of that with me. But equally perhaps she will find she prefers keeping me deep in submission and getting that side of things from another man. Who knows? But I know things won't just go back to normal.

I can almost hear my old Domme saying stop overanalysing. Just enjoy it. Easier said than done!

I know i can stop this anytime. Submission is given and I could stop merely by saying this isn't working for me. Problem is I don't know if it is or isn't. I just know its extreme, scary, more than I ever expected would happen in reality.

Emma and Scott if you are reading this (i don't know if you do read my blog) I would certainly appreciate your thoughts.


Thursday, 1 December 2011

What about love?

Maria asked

do you assume that sandy is really still loving you ?
is the relation with her lover just based on sex or is there also an strong emotional relation ?

Good questions so i thought I would post. I know sandy is still loving me. That is not in question in my mind or my heart.

The relationship with her lover is much more than sex. She likes him, enjoys his company, and even loves him, to a point. When she gets back to me though her love for me is obvious. She enjoys the sex, its new, exciting, fresh. There is no baggage no practical consideration, no putting kids to bed or what's for dinner. In other words it is a love affair like that when you are young and carefree. It's fun, and the love and friendship is real, to a point. But only in this fantasy world, this microcosm of pretence where the real world does not intrude.

Would she be with him if he were single? Maybe but some good reasons not. She has grown together with me over the years, we have worked hard to fall deeply in love. She has in me her deep love, her soulmate, her best friend. And quite honestly I still rock her boat sexually. I'm confident and good in bed so it's not like she has her other man due to a lack on that side. He is a nice guy but in many ways not compatible with her in the real world. It's a love, friendship and sexual affair in a fantasy world without many complications. There it will stay.

He has fallen for her a bit too much. Something I need to write about soon. We are finding our feet with how this is working and it's not been without mistakes. She has begun to make it clear to him what the boundaries are. 'love me by all means, but don't try to compete with my husband. You will lose. Keep it light hearted and fun.'

Amen to that. He was starting to compete, it was starting to make it hard work and less fun, and I have no doubt he would be out in no time at all if it came to it. I only have to say the word, or him try and make her choose between us for that to happen. I'm not competing back, that would imply he has some chance. I would just withdraw the invite into our life. If sandy didn't do it first.

So yes to emotions, even to love. But as sandy says, I can love two men without it diminishing my love for my prime partner. And as she also said, not many women are lucky enough to have the chance to love two men, that should be treated with the respect it deserves.

There is some angst as I adjust. But then the way we are playing, the denial is part of that. I must write about it more.

This is not a simple relationship, poly isn't easy. Even this 'poly light' of ours. While so far the rewards are great in no way is it a simple thing to embark on. We have more work to do! But it makes sandy happy and that makes me happy.

And horny!