do you assume that sandy is really still loving you ?
is the relation with her lover just based on sex or is there also an strong emotional relation ?
Good questions so i thought I would post. I know sandy is still loving me. That is not in question in my mind or my heart.
The relationship with her lover is much more than sex. She likes him, enjoys his company, and even loves him, to a point. When she gets back to me though her love for me is obvious. She enjoys the sex, its new, exciting, fresh. There is no baggage no practical consideration, no putting kids to bed or what's for dinner. In other words it is a love affair like that when you are young and carefree. It's fun, and the love and friendship is real, to a point. But only in this fantasy world, this microcosm of pretence where the real world does not intrude.
Would she be with him if he were single? Maybe but some good reasons not. She has grown together with me over the years, we have worked hard to fall deeply in love. She has in me her deep love, her soulmate, her best friend. And quite honestly I still rock her boat sexually. I'm confident and good in bed so it's not like she has her other man due to a lack on that side. He is a nice guy but in many ways not compatible with her in the real world. It's a love, friendship and sexual affair in a fantasy world without many complications. There it will stay.
He has fallen for her a bit too much. Something I need to write about soon. We are finding our feet with how this is working and it's not been without mistakes. She has begun to make it clear to him what the boundaries are. 'love me by all means, but don't try to compete with my husband. You will lose. Keep it light hearted and fun.'
Amen to that. He was starting to compete, it was starting to make it hard work and less fun, and I have no doubt he would be out in no time at all if it came to it. I only have to say the word, or him try and make her choose between us for that to happen. I'm not competing back, that would imply he has some chance. I would just withdraw the invite into our life. If sandy didn't do it first.
So yes to emotions, even to love. But as sandy says, I can love two men without it diminishing my love for my prime partner. And as she also said, not many women are lucky enough to have the chance to love two men, that should be treated with the respect it deserves.
There is some angst as I adjust. But then the way we are playing, the denial is part of that. I must write about it more.
This is not a simple relationship, poly isn't easy. Even this 'poly light' of ours. While so far the rewards are great in no way is it a simple thing to embark on. We have more work to do! But it makes sandy happy and that makes me happy.