Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Be careful what you wish for

I always wanted to know what it was like to be dominated. Truly dominated, not slight pretend domination. The kind of domination that required me to control myself, exaggerate the control I was under, submit to a greater extent than the level of domination warranted. I always wondered, as do many subs I imagine, what it is like to be controlled beyond the point I was able to deal with, past the point I would ask for a break. Well past and to breaking point.

The chastity fantasist, and I have been one, wants to know what it is like to live in a relationship in which I was unable to cum, unable to ask and get, to be locked and unable to cheat. Given an orgasm a month if i was lucky and be screaming desperate even right after it. Absolute control, no cracks to take advantage of. Living my fantasy but gone so far beyond it I wanted out.

Well now I know, I finally know why it is some people say be careful what you wish for. It's really hard to live with, really hard. I love it, truly I do, I have craved such control as a sub for so long that having it meets a need so deep as to be utterly fulfilling. But the layers of me above that deep level, they scream for freedom, freedom to cum, to be sated. Freedom to take my wife like I used to. To feel her heat and wetness envelop me, and pound her and my sex drive into each other until they explode, a synergy of passions that crescendo and die away slowly.

Sandy kept me without for 6 weeks, much longer than my fantasies which were as a rule once a week. Then i had one orgasm, only one. She always liked to deny me for long periods but in the last few years at this point she would have had enough. I would have had a long period of not being in any way submissive. I would be sated. I would masturbate, fuck, be dominant at times. No longer. For example this time after I came she said she might stop, might have had enough. But since then every time we have had sex she has been adamant she doesn't want me to cum. It's just too much fun she says, and she has been completely unyielding in her decision. What's more she has taken to teasing me to the edge more, enjoying the look of sheer hunger and desperation. Enjoying not stopping when I beg her to stop, just edging that little bit more. This morning well after getting me close to cumming she sat on me, putting her hot, shaved pussy right on my cock and grinding herself on me till I almost came a few more times. I don't even remember the last time I was inside her, she doesn't crave it so I don't get it, simple as that. She doesn't feel at all guilty. But though I am gagging to feel my cock buried in her I know it may be months more before she wants that from me. Needless to say she gets to cum a lot though.

So I am still being denied, still controlled. not just my orgasm but other things as well. Massages, tea, doing the dishwasher, she asks but it's a strong request, and she likes the timescale to be on her terms. Again no guilt, rather an uninhibited enjoyment of her power to get what she wants, secure in the knowledge that I get off on it too.

Against all that I really want to cum, lots. I want to fuck her. Really really truly. This denial is way past my limit and I want it to end. But she doesn't, and her control means so much to me and she is so firm in her desire to deny that I will continue to suffer, to push my limits further, until she wants it otherwise. I can't do otherwise, that deep inner need ensures that. Too bad for the consious me.

True control feels different to the play that came before. It's a mental rollercoaster. I want and crave more, but I yearn for release. I can't even ask, I have 40 strikes with a riding crop already due me just for asking to cum (they hurt!). My mental chains and hers are driving me insane with need, a need that has no outlet. Mental bondage. I am emotionally needy, yet I must be strong and not abuse her by being overly demanding. I can't even scream out my frustration except when she allows it, when she is actively teasing. Even that outlet is dictated by her, denied to me.

All this may seem like we have a major sub Dom relationship. If you were to see us day to day you would see a normal couple. The control is a subtle undercurrent, a steel fist in a velvet glove. Hidden, not obvious, but very strong. Much of it seems vanilla from the outside, but it's not really, between us there is a power imbalance that we both know is there.

Be careful what you wish for!

Ps. Months ago Vixen commented that she didn't know how sandy could deny me my orgasms for so long, she really enjoys her own husband cumming. I know the answer now. I already knew that sandy isn't usually into penetrative sex, and that she has fun denying me. But I found out a few days ago that though she takes pleasure in me cumming, she takes more pleasure in seeing me hard. A lot more. When denied I am always hard for her, at the slightest provocation and even sometimes without that; proud and upstanding, iron hard. She loves that apparently, and it's another big factor in her enjoyment of my denial.


Monday, 18 May 2009

quick vignette

Late on sunday night
Its been a long weekend, and we are very tired. Our guests have left.

Sandy comes to me, gives me a big hug and says thanks for helping, for tidying without being asked, for putting the kids to bed, and all the other little things I helped her with over the weekend. Her appreciation meant a lot to me.

Then as she is walking out she turns back with a cheeky sexy look on her face and a tilt in her hips, saying, 'but you still arent going to cum...'

Saturday, 16 May 2009

Eurovision song contest

Bloody hell, it was a bit spicy. I don't remember such raunch when I
was a kid. A parade of scantily clad birds vaguely syncing to almost

I'm going to move to Romania now!

Pretty cool having Dita von tease on eurovision though, kink is going


Friday, 15 May 2009

Coming out unexpectedly.

Yesterday I was listening to a kink related podcast on the tube, Masocast. Very interesting, sometimes gets a little too cerebral for my liking, but a very interesting mix of people and ideas.

Anyway I got in to work having paused the sound. Sat down, unplugged my headphones, which triggered the podcast to start playing again, only this time through the internal speaker of my handheld. Loud.

Never seen someone reach for a volume control so fast! Luckily it was on one of the few innocent bits. Phew!


Thursday, 14 May 2009


Last night I got to pleasure my sandy. But apart from making me hot and horny I got nothing. She was adamant I wasn't allowed to cum.

She said those magic words. "It's delicious having my orgasm and being mean not letting you."

Delicious. I like that. Needless to say it brought my inner horndog out even more. I do love her!


Wednesday, 13 May 2009

I finally came

On Sunday night sandy and I were shattered. We hadn't slept well Saturday, done lots of gardening. Been for a long cycle with the kids and had the kids friends round for hours playing in the garden.

By the time we got to bed neither of us wanted to play. Sandy asked for a back massage to ease her aches. I agreed, she deserves it. Anyway tired as I was, doing something for her despite that tiredness made me feel good. More caring, more submissive...

After a fairly long massage she rolled over and cuddle up to me. Then she started playing with me, making me hard. Pretty soon she was on her knees with my cock in her mouth, slurping away like it was a tasty ice-cream. She doesn't often want to give blow jobs, but she is damn good at them. I told her she didn't have to do this, but apparently I had been so nice to her massaging her despite my obvious tiredness that she wanted to do something for me.

And she did... She sucked, licked and slurped with obvious enjoyment untili was about to cum. Kept me on the edge for a while as I warned her I was close. I thought that would be it, but after my last warning she indicated for me to relax and enjoy, and she pushed me over the edge with my cock deep in her mouth!

She never let's me cum in her mouth! This is the second time, ever.

I'm never very loud, but I was LOUD!

And after I came she pushed me back, rose up and kissed me hard, snowballing all my cum to me to swallow. Fuck me I enjoyed that!

Afterwards I also made her cum, by her wetness she was obviously aroused by what she had done. Yesterday she told me she had been thinking about the bj and getting tingly over it.

So we had a ball ;)

Moving on. Usually she likes to tease and deny me for very long periods. It's about 6 weeks since I last came. Then she likes to stop the game and let me cum lots for a while. She hasn't yet decided whether to continue or not so in the meantime, till she decides, I'm not allowed to cum. Usually the longer I go without the more I crave it, until eventually, after a long while, I really do want to cum. I was at that stage well over a week ago but she couldn't care less. Then when the game ends I like to cum a few times, but for now that is denied me. Part of me is finding it harder not to jack off now I have tasted an orgasm, but another part is loving the continuation of her control. What is a man to do?

Answers on a postcard please. But remember it dont matter what you or I suggest, she will without a doubt do whatever pleases her. As it should be :)


Friday, 8 May 2009

Interesting insight

Sandy, my wife, left this comment on my last post. I must confess I found it interesting, an insight I dont often get to see. She doesnt talk about her feelings much, she isnt usually the introspective sort. I love that its an 'explosion of intimacy' for her, it sure is for me. Having introduced her to this I need the reasurrance that this is good for her not just for me. I also love that she would find it hard to go back to an equal footing. Yes its hawt!!! But its also reassuring. As she said, we have had enough bad years to really appreciate those things that build up our confidence in each other.

On a horny note I came this morning. Last night we had sex. She came 3 times, and kept me so close to the edge for almost all of that time. I was begging her to stop, practically cracking up. I really wanted her to back off it was so hard to cope with. She had an evil and fun glint in her eye and was relishing my obvious struggles, she refused point blank, telling me she liked keeping me so near to tipping but not allowing it. I found it very hard, but afterwards we felt very close for it.

This morning after a month without, she was sat on me, just sat and chatting. A sudden movement of her hips and pussy against the root of my cock was the trigger I needed and a small cum popped out, moments after she told me that she wanted my next orgasm to be spoilt as she was feeling mean. It was spoilt, nowhere near enough sensation. She found it hilarious that I was so near trigger point after all this, that a mere involuntary movement would set me off, and that she got her wish, a very spoilt orgasm...

For myself I can only say that after her being sat on me, her wonderful naked body on show, a naughty conversation, and the sight and feel of her lips spread over my cock, that I had ample stimulation in my state, I was actually having to hold back even before that involuntary movement. Trigger happy she called me, and indeed I was. I am still very horny, I hope she doesnt count this my orgasm for the month!

Also a thank you to you thumper for the link to my last post. His relationship with his belle fille seems so similar to mine with Sandy, I can really feel the force of what he says.

Sunday, 3 May 2009

She really doesnt care

We have played tease and denial games for years, but in the past she has always given me the strong impression that she would want me to cum soon. She thought I got too edgy after a while, or just didnt want to be so mean. Sometimes she just wanted a change. I am beginning to really believe that is no longer the case.

Its been a month since I last came. Ive been a raging bag of hormones for at least 2 weeks now. She has had about 25 orgasms since my last one. We were chatting last night and she admitted that she doesnt feel at all bad about it, in fact she cant help but be mean. During the day quite often in passing she will grab and twist a nipple, or swat my ass hard. When we are naked and in bed she just cant help but tickle, dig her nails into my cocks or balls etc. She cant stop herself, doesnt want to. She likes using the riding crop on me because she knows it really hurts, not like the belt that builds up into a pleasurable pain, she likes this because its instantly almost unbearable. And she admitted that while she enjoys making me cum, she enjoys not making me cum much much more. Truly her newfound dominance is of be careful what you wish for!

Lest I give the impression that she doesnt care about me thats far from true. Part of her enjoyment comes from seeing how much I love being abused, part of it from the enjoyment of her power and control (which can only come with the willing gift of my submission). If I didnt *really* enjoy it on some level she would not be doing it this way. But she knows full well that its a love hate thing, I do want to cum, I do hate the riding crop, and yet she will push these things further than I would go, for her own enjoyment. And that makes it so much hotter for me, her kink feeds my kink, her dominance feeds my submission...

While talking last night she also admitted that if I wanted to stop and go back to the way things were, she would find it almost impossible. I created a monster!

In conclusion, I should probably accept a life at least for the next few years, with fewer orgasms than before. And I love it, the more skewed it gets in her favour, the more fun it becomes.