On polyamory

There is a lot of well written information about polyamory on the Internet, what I know would probably fit on the back of a postcard, or even a stamp (remember those things that used to make old fashioned paper emails go). What I do know is that this is now the third time sandy and I have started on what can only be described as the beginnings of a poly relationship.

Sandy, who for years has had permission to play but always said she didn't want to, has for the second time found a lover, once last year and now. Several years ago she and I had a semi regular threesome with a man who is still a good friend. In his case he was almost becoming part of the family, I could have imagined him in our lives longer term and so could sandy. She called it off in part because she could grow to like him too much. The lover last year (initially at least) and her current lover occupy a similar position in her mind. Not simply friends, not only sex. She admits that she likes this guy, cares for him, loves sex with him and in some way loves him (or at least that pale shadow of love that exists in the first months of a relationship). She knows he is not threat to us, if anything she loves me even more right now. She has realised with these three experiences that she has it in her to care for more than one man without it threatening her feelings for her prime relationship. With that realisation she finds it much easier, and much more fun, to let herself go with this lover.

So we find ourselves in the unexpected position of being in the beginnings of what could become a poly. Sandy and I, with sandy having a secondary but emotionally valuable relationship as well.

I am still amazed, happy, grateful, and proud to see how she has developed from the very shy wallflower of her youth to the remarkable, confident, passionate woman she is today, and if you knew what she was like when she was young you would never have believed she could become this person. I have to pinch myself to check I'm not imagining it. With each year that passes she grows in confidence and in willingness to make the most of life. Polyamory suits her, I suspected so last year but as it turned out the guy was not a good match, I'm even more sure now. Sandy, who hates being labelled and isn't always comfortable admitting in the cold light of day what she likes, did not bat an eyelid when I suggested she had the capacity for this kind of relationship, she's admitted it to herself. Again that's unusual for her given how she still struggles sometimes with what 'society' deems acceptable. .

Screaming orgasm

That’s what I want, what I need. Im craving it something crazy. I want to slide inside my wife, her hot wetness enveloping my cock, squeezing me, feeling her body brushing against mine, her breasts against my chest. I need to fuck her so badly, cum inside her and feel her cum around me. 

Its not to be. In fact I texted her yesterday saying something like the above. Her response… ‘No! Not a chance!’

Its what she and he get.

This time last year sandy found a lover, though that didn’t end too well. Didn’t think we would be here again but she has found another. To say he turns her on is putting it mildy. She is almost continuously damp, several times a day a text from him will turn her on, or an interaction between sandy and I, usually in some way related to the lover, will do the same. We are having sex several times a week. Well sex of sorts.

Since she first started playing with him she and I had been fantasising about what it would be like. She suggested that my orgasms should be contingent on him, so my single weekly orgasm would only occur if she had made him cum that week. In person, phone sex doesn’t count. Hot fantasy, it was a fun night that night, but I later realised she was totally serious. My cock is burning, aching for release, but I know that I will only cum less often than her lover now. Its making me ache and bury myself deep in submission to her. That’s only the start.

Since she first fucked him I have been banned from being inside her pussy. She has reserved it for her lover. For now and the indefinite future her pussy belongs solely to him.

Since she first sucked him she has not sucked me. She keeps telling me how much she enjoyed going down on him, how he expected it, how it made her wet feeling his hot cock hard in her mouth. For now she refuses to take my cock in her mouth, in fact the relish, the delicious and wicked look in her eyes when she refuses, and the almost instant wetness in her panties when she refuses me is driving me crazy.

For now at least my orgasms are limited by him, only he gets to fuck her, to be sucked by her. Every time I look at her naked body I see something I lust after, something I used to be able to just take, before she became dominant. Now I see this most beautiful sexy woman who for years has been my domme, has allowed sex only on her terms and usually for her pleasure, offer to him her body, her pussy, and let him take and use her like a toy. He has now fucked her several times, gone down on her for hours, and used her however he wanted. Her mouth has been on his cock more in the last two weeks than it has on mine in the last year. He has told her to dress up for him which she has done with delight. Her vanilla and slightly submissive side has come out to play, but only with him. The more she enjoys that side of herself with him, the more she is getting off on denying me. Her excitement is being greatly increased by dwelling on how everything she willingly offers him, everything I so crave, she denies. Each time I beg to be inside her her obvious lust in saying no makes me understand, in no uncertain terms, that I am her sub and that she loves to be mean to me, it turns her on. My place is to be abused and teased, his to enjoy her charms. Needless to say I have made her cum a lot recently.

Until now. For now even that has been denied me. They are planning to get together on Monday, so for almost the last week she has not cum, saving it for him, wanting to be truly horny when he takes her. I have been banned from making her cum, or seeing her cum, although I get to pleasure her often. After Monday who knows, but she has discussed continuing it (as long as our intimacy is not affected). If the time between seeing him is too long she may masturbate, perhaps with him on the phone. I will not be allowed to see that. While I was teasing her a few nights ago she even said how it would feel if after a few months she sent me a video of her cumming with him, the first time I would have been allowed to see her cum for months. She was dripping wet when she was saying this, grinding her pussy into my hand.

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Does this sound extreme? Damn right it is, it’s a roller coaster. We are so much in love its unreal, and both having a lot of fun. I am crazy horny, its almost impossible to bear, and she feeds off that. How long will the denial last? Well the single orgasm a week has always been her rule while we are in d/s mode, that could be years. The rest? The lack of pussy could easily last for the entire time she sees him, although once in a while she says she may fuck me. The blow job, and especially the lack of making her cum… That will probably be much shorter, as she says she is the boss and doesn’t like to get tied down in any way, including her own rules. She will do it until she feels like not doing it. Im guessing a week or two, perhaps up to a month or two. Who knows. Sandy is nothing if not capricious and she may decide to fuck me senseless this side of Christmas, but the odds are massively against it. In her words, its up to her, she is the boss, and as long as our intimacy does not suffer she will do what she likes for as long or short as she wants.

As she pointed out when I discussed intimacy with her, right now this game is doing the opposite, bringing us together.

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One last thing. She owed me a blow job from a couple of months back, for some reason or another. She has decided that debt has been paid now, to her lover!

And so it begins

Last night Sandy was teasing me, rubbing my cock, telling me, in a very husky turned on voice, how much sex she is getting, and im not!

This morning we woke up, had a long hug in each others arms and a bit of a tease, for both of us. Lovely way to start the day.. Then...

OMG! She got up and as she started to get washed ordered me to get things ready. Ive just put fresh sheets on the bed, shaved her pussy smooth, laced her into her waspie and left the house ready for her lover to come and join her. I was told to lick her pussy and her ass to check they were smooth enough. They were, perfectly. They also tasted great, aroused and arousing. Before I left she made me kneel down, locked up my cock and as I knelt she told me she loves me on my knees. Her tone said she loves it a lot. Made my heart skip a beat!

Im a bit horny now...

Sandy speaks

Referring to the last post about wether we can go back. I think you say it all really. You are right that the whole marriage would be affected if we tried to go back. I think the marriage would survive but might be tough going for a while, but it is a moot point really! Neither of us want to stop! It's weird though that I am enjoying vanilla elsewhere - maybe with time it will become less vanilla with him - I'm really not sure it will though.

I'm very happy with the way things are - it makes it easier to sit down and relax knowing you are happy to do the chores, I still struggle with that sometimes.

I'm worried after the weekend that it brings out too much selfishness. I don't worry any more that I am not kinky enough for you though!!! I will have to keep an eye on it to keep a reasonable balance between being in charge and getting my way with doing enough of what you need too.

Can we ever go back?

I have often wondered about this question and certain conversations recently on the chastity forums have got me thinking again. I think for us the answer is no, we could not.

This has been a long slow progression to where we are today. Lots of stops and reversals along the way since I introduced kink to our life. For most of the time I was the dominant one, both day to day and in the bedroom. Once we started switching roles it was still a game. Sandy wasnt sure she enjoyed it much for some years, and didnt think she was comfortable in the dominant role. So it remained a game, she liked aspects of it, tickling and teasing, but mostly it remained something we did now and then for fun.

Three years ago that changed. The reasons I wont go into here, but they were changes in my wife that were not only related to kink but to her whole life. She discovered parts of herself she had not known existed and became pretty quickly comfortable letting herself go. This included in the bedroom, with kink generally, and with her dominance also. She blossomed. With it our marriage also blossomed, and at the same time I made many changes in my interaction with her to support and care for her more. In time this has all got tied up with the d/s life we now lead.

She loves being in control, in and out of the bedroom. Its 24/7 but not in the total power exchange sense. We speak as equals, I will stand up when I feel strongly about things. But what works for her is that she knows that if she gives me that look, if she tells me to go do, I will do it. Quickly. She can stop me in my tracks and redirect me. She can offload her work on to me and while she still occasionally feels bad about it, especially when im tired too, knows that I will do it, because she wants it, because she needs to relax, because I love her and want her to be able to relax the stresses in her mind and offload them, on to me if necessary. These things make her feel loved, supported, and the control aspect makes her feel powerful and completely worshipped. Its fun, loving, caring, exciting and even a bit mean at times. Yes she has a mean streak and loves to let it out, many interactions between us now involve something a bit teasing or mean. A shadow of a kiss that doesnt quite connect leaving me gasping for her, a smack on the arse or a pinch of the nipple, her sliding her clothes from her body seductively at night knowing I am transfixed, and knowing she has denied me orgasm. A tickle before bedtime. These are also constants in our life now.

There is also a great deal of vanilla love, hugs, kisses, from the outside you would not see any of the d/s. But we know the edge that lies beneath it always.

Whats in it for me? Well Im submissive, more so than I used to realise. Its such a sexual thrill seeing the disparity between us, seeing her getting more sex than me, asking, no lets be honest sometimes ordering me to do certain chores while she sits and reads her book. Handing me her empty plate with a haughty air for me to take to the dishwasher (with a touch of a tongue in cheek smile). She is a buzzy woman who finds it hard to relax, i have spent years trying to help her do it. So I get fulfilled knowing this lifestyle has empowered her to relax more often without guilt, and I also benefit later that day from a happier more relaxed partner. I feel like I have looked out for her. Any man with a protective nurtering nature will know how much it means to protect the woman you love from lifes troubles, and I often feel that sense strongly.

And the sex... Its fantastic. She has it turns out a hell of a sadistic streak, and I have a hell of a masochistic one. We click in the bedroom and are always exploring old games, and occasionally new ones. She can be very mean, more so than I would always want, which of course feeds the submissive in me because I am having my limits pushed, and encourages her dominance to grow also, which makes her feel free, but also paradoxically makes her feel loved.

Notice how often I have mentioned love and care. And thats the rub. This lifestyle has brought out a level of love and caring for each other that we never had consistently before. We had flashes of it but we never knew how to sustain it. This way of interacting, these roles we have taken on provide a framework for interaction that encodes within it those things we both value as our own love language. It has also brought a fantastic sex life and an outlet for her dominant nature and my submissive side. Last but not least it has given her, in her own head, permission to break free her inner passion.

In the last three years we have forgotten how to be vanilla. Now and then we have a break for a change, but we dont know what to do. How to interact day to day, how to have sex. Its a lovely change but thats all it is, a break. I never quite shake off being her sub, she never quite shakes off her teasing nature. In bed we have to work hard to stay vanilla as we keep sliding back into our d/s roles. Partly this is habit, but mostly it is that this is now who we are. As Thumper said in his post stacks, this has now become one of the most solid foundations of our marriage.

It took a long time to get here, but I firmly believe that to go back now would be almost impossible and furthermore would risk the very marriage itself. As Sandy herself says (and it warms me to hear it), she doesnt see herself as sometimes wife or sometimes mistress, there is no longer a distinction, she is both. And same on my side for me. Its beautiful.

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One little side note. I revealed our lifestyle to a very close vanilla friend of mine recently. He was curious as to why we were so much happier these days, and I know him so well that if I cant tell him it would feel like a lie between us. I trust him. So I told him the whole story (without the gory details!!!).

Surprisingly he almost completely understood. He did wonder how being told to do stuff regularly didnt make me get rebellious, but kind of understood that it met my need to care for my wife. I asked him if he had noticed anything between Sandy and I earlier in the evening (she had left by this time) and he said no. All he had seen was a couple in love who interact lovingly and touch each other a lot in passing. He had not noticed, even once I pointed it out, the occasional look she had used on me, the teasing one, or the do this now or else one. Open air dominance and submission yet even a close friend had no inkling anything was going on. Sandy and I find that very entertaining.

Birthday card

For my birthday sandy sent me a lovely card saying that we had had our best year yet. This felt great to hear. She also signed it off with her mistress name, used on her ic profile. The gooey subby feeling as I read it was overwhelming. She said later that she did it because its now so much part of who we are, and that she thinks it has significantly contributed to our happiness.

Why does she cuckold her man?

Ive read Dev's thoughts on cuckolding which inspired me to write a short post about what we are getting out of it. I should say at the start that I am as irritated by the close link between chastity, cuckolding, and im a useless worm style fantasy. Especially when that fantasy is made out to be real. The end result is that a person, usually a woman coming online to research this thing they have been asked to play with, finds a lot of scary, extreme and emotionally upsetting claptrap. In that I agree with her, Tom, Maymay, Sarah, Thumper and many others who reject the association between kink, submission and weakness. I admit also that cuckolding is an extreme fantasy, one of the most extreme, simply because society for thousands of years has taught us that almost the worst thing we can do in a relationship is to play away, because a woman wants to love and respect her man and not do anything to threaten that, and because it seems very risky and it can be!

That said this post is going to address why we do it, in the context of a healthy happy loving marriage.

I wish I could start by writing a long post on my thoughts, one that would address everything perfectly, clarify my and Sandys thoughts and emotions perfectly, make clear how we feel. Sadly ive been beaten to the punch by queen KC who wrote a post that so perfectly summarises it that im just going to link to it and not try to reinvent the wheel badly. Please read this before you carry on. I emailed this to Sandy. My wife is put off by extreme fantasy or badly written silliness. She is very open minded but as any long time reader of my blog knows she struggled to embrace her and my kinky side for many years. Yet her response to the article was 'Sounds just like us!'. KC summarises it perfectly. Sandy loves me, fancies me, respects and admires me. She finds me gentle and loving, smart and dependable, and sexy as hell even after 15 years together. One reason she hasnt even considered played with anyone else before is because for her I set a very high bar. Why bother to play with someone who is so much less attractive. But having found someone who does appeal (physically and friendship wise, NOT emotionally) she has very much enjoyed playing away so far.

She likes to humiliate me, I enjoy it too. This wouldnt work if it was true that I was useless, it works because it is a game. Sure im embarrassed but I know im not really 'dicklet', in fact I know she loves my cock a lot. I find it hard to strip off and show myself to her while wearing her panties because I know and she knows I look ridiculous. Yet she loves the fact that I do it as it shows the power she has over me, she cant believe I do what she says but gets off on it. Humiliation is one way to amplify that feeling. Plus its just FUN!

For now she enjoys playing away. All this fun we have at home makes her horny. She isnt going and spending that energy elsewhere, this isnt a zero sum game. Playing and flirting with him makes her more horny, the amount of sex we have has gone up since she started doing this. The intimacy between us has gone up even more, we are sharing a naughty secret. We laugh about it, fantasise and talk about it. Its one more thing to share and therefore brings us together. When I look at her I see a woman I love and lust after through my eyes and his, she becomes even more attractive to me. When she comes home to me she is reminded every time of how lucky she is, how much she truly appreciates and wants me, she has said so. The taking for granted that develops over the years is shed when she gets back having tasted something different and sees that what she has is better! Oh and did i mention, its also just plain FUN! Lets not underestimate that, analysis aside its fun for her playing around doing new things with new people, and its fun for me hearing about it.

Not sure I can add much to this, what do you think?

M

Short update

Well its been a while since I have been on, to be honest I havent been in the mood to write or do very much of anything else...

Up to early october things were ok. In fact the week before my birthday we had a very fun week. I was locked up for about 5 days straight in my neosteel (a first for that length of time). Sandy had a lot of fun at my expense, and even on my birthday I wasnt unlocked. My birthday present was to pleasure her. I might write more about that sometime.

Unfortunately within a few days of that things went pretty sour between us. So much so that I am no longer subbing to her. We have taken a step back from kink for a while. Its a bit of a relapse of our old problems.

Sandy naturally does not show her emotions, is not very demonstrative with her love. Thats not to say she doesnt love me, but her language of showing it isnt at all like mine. She also has a habit of becoming very insular, in her own world. At times like that I feel like I am just a breadwinner and aide round the house. If she is busy, stressed or ill, almost any stress in fact makes her react that way. Since about July one thing or another has led to her progressively withdrawing from the relationship. By the time of our week holiday (which I wrote about a while ago) she effectively spent pretty much the entire holiday in her own world, from which I was excluded. We probably had only a handful of quality exchanges during the entire week. she read, slept, ate, but wasnt 'present'. Since then it continued to get worse.

A couple of years back when we were at out lowest and close to divorce we both realised that the only way to recover was for each of us to take the others needs and prioritise them over our own. Only if we both did that would we both feel loved and looked after. It worked extremely well, until now. As she progressively gave less and less I continued to be supportive, probably even more so. We did talk about the change in her a few times, she agreed it was a problem and needed to turn it around. Problem is she didnt, she kept putting it off, saying she was trying but not actually changing anything. I got the distinct impression that she was waiting for a reduction in stress to hand it to her on a plate. But life's little stresses dont always go away when you need them to. Eventually, very soon after my birthday I cracked. We had a couple of very horrible weeks of arguments.

In short I dont feel good about being her sub anymore. I feel distant and unappreciated, and lacking in trust that she will care for me as much as I care for her.

We have gone beyond that point now, are starting to rebuild the love and trust for each other. Its difficult in a way, knowing she can do it now makes me wonder why she couldnt do it before it hurt me so badly. But it is changing. She is much more present and caring, and I am starting to want to care for her again. Its a hiccup, I am sure it will pass. But it is a nasty reminder of how bad things were between us a few years back. It is also showing that our relationship is more fragile than I thought it was. I hope we learn from this a little in order to make it less fragile.

She has made it clear that she would like me to be her sub again, that she liked it. I also feel like there is something missing, I liked putting her first. I am sure we will go back to those roles, but first we need to reconnect a bit more. We both feel it is a little too soon, but hope that it wont be too much longer. In the meantime we are making love a bit more, good old fashioned vanilla love. It is helping rebuild our closeness.

Anyway you havent heard the last from us.

Hope you are all well.

M

Spiritual perfection

Before Sandy left for her holiday we played. Its been a while since we played. In the interim we had a very nasty argument about sex, one in which the old fears and emotional communication patterns reared their ugly heads. I had been looking after her for quite a while, the last two weeks in fact, as she was feeling slightly ill, or tired, and stressed. We only had sex once in that time (the tickling night). I knew Sandy was going away for a week and a half and she and I wanted to have lots of sex and intimacy before she left. Our illnesses, her stress etc didn't allow that. Having been very supportive and leaving my needs and trust in her hands I was disappointed when on our last two nights she didn't appear to be making any effort to spend quality time with me. In a nice little rehash of our past our argument consisted of my harsh uncaring complaints and her stubborn uncaring intransigence.

Luckily we had sorted it out by the next day, but it was a close run thing. I hate the idea she may have gone away with us having that distance between us!


Anyway on to happier things. The night before she left. I am not in an erotic writing mood right now, I may extend this later. But in short we started out with a bit of a cuddle but very quickly she decided that it was time to administer my punishment of 40 strikes with a riding crop (something I earned a week or two previously for I cant remember what).

Now these are punishment swats, no warm up, and they hurt! Since there were so many she was nice to me and most weren't too hard, but overall it HURT. After we stopped she and I played for a minute or two, and it suddenly occurred to me that she wanted more. She was being too nice to ask but she wanted to torment me. I asked if she wanted to whip me more, she smiled and agreed wholeheartedly. I asked if she wanted the belt or the crop. She laughed her evil laugh and said 'what do you think'. O bugger!

So began a good 20-30 minutes of almost non stop riding crop on my arse. Some hard, some soft. Many of them very hard strikes, even a few on my perineum, many many on my anus. Several times she made me lie on my chest with my arse in the air, spreading my own butt cheeks so she could whip the sensitive parts in between. My arse was burning, on fire, the only thing hotter was my steel rod of a cock. Traitor! To be fair this was for fun, she had started off more slowly so my body was in the groove, endorphins flowing, and she often reached around and held on to my cock as she whipped. This had a double effect, of keeping me in place unable to escape the swipes because of my own sensitive member, but also as I wriggled her hand effectively masturbated me, sometimes to the point of orgasm. Naturally she knew and intended both effects. For a while I lay across her as she cropped me, my entire sensitised body one huge erogenous zone singing out to me of her as she beat me over and over. God I was so so enjoying myself, the pain was high but the endorphins and teasing kept it mostly in the hot submissive territory, deep in endorphin sub-space. Sometimes she went much further and the pain became almost unbearable. Also fucking hot, to have to lie there and take it, to be so swallowed up in submission that her pleasure in hurting me made me stay down and offer myself up for more, for her. After these heavy periods a greater endorphin rush and an even deeper place in subspace was my reward for my submission.

On second thoughts now I am in the mood to write this in a hot way, remembering has got my 'juices' flowing.

After we stopped she rolled onto her back and said 'my turn', clearly in need of an orgasm. I started to pleasure her but she asked if I wanted some more teasing before she came (usually her cumming is the end of things). I know she asked because of my need for intimacy and longer playtime, what we had hoped for in the preceding two weeks. I appreciated the consideration! She had me kneel above her with my hands bound behind my back. I could feel her body against my thighs but couldn't touch it, both physically restrained and also banned, ordered not to. Of course she lay there naked, newly shaved, her pert breast jutting up as she arched her back, her skin soft against me, and her waist achingly slim. She writhed as she masturbated me, never letting me cum. She arched, she jutted, she made as if to kiss me but backed away. Twice I couldn't resist and tried to lean down and kiss her, her lips or her breasts anything would do! Once she let me fall useless on my face as I had no hands to support me, I fleetingly felt her breast on my lips as I fell. The second time she grabbed my neck, squeezing and holding my weight up by it, preventing me from getting near her, staring me deep in my eyes with as forceful a look as I have ever seen in her. She told me off, whipped me a few more times to teach me a lesson. I was brought to the edge a lot, lord knows how often. I was truly begging to cum through most of it, and she was relishing, really relishing her refusal. I asked her why and she said that she could see I really wanted to cum, this wasn't play begging, this was real, voice cracking, past caring 'I NEED TO CUM', past secretly wanting the tease to continue, and because of that she was especially enjoying refusing me. What monster have I spawned?

I asked her in passing to push her finger in my ass. She hesitated for a moment then got out from under me, rummaged in our toy box and pulled out the dildo from her pink strap-on. She squirted lube lovingly over the tip like it was a mans cum, then I was pushed face down on the bed. The head of the cock slipped in quickly, but it probably took 5 minutes for the pain to ease and become more fully pleasure. I was soft at this point. She thrust with her hands the cock, in and out, a little deeper each time, sometimes almost pulling out. I got slowly hard again. I have no idea how long but after a while she taunted me that it was almost fully in my arse. She got more rough, faster, harder, 'you are sucking it in you slut' she said, practically making me cum just from her words! Next thing I knew she had leant over me, her cunt pressed against the edge of the dildo, and she fucked me, fucked me roughly, fucked me like she was crazy with lust and barely repressed violence. She fucked me until the dildo was deep in my arse, until my body had been pushed up the bed and my head hung off the edge, and she kept on fucking. I have no idea how long this lasted, i never wanted it to end. My cock rasped on the bed like it was honey velvet. Then she reached around....

It must have taken only a minute to get me to the edge again, and there I stayed for a few more minutes as she ground her cunt on the dildo, he hips on my arse, her breasts on my back, and her hand on my cock. Then finally she let me go.

I wont try to describe my orgasm. No words can suffice. It was stronger than anything I have yet experience, coming from inside me, outside me, from my dirty mind and hers, from her control and my loss of it. From the snapping of the spring of lust she had been winding up with an hour of lust and loving violence. It was only now I even noticed my head hanging off the bed.

I wound down only for a short while before she cheerfully and cheekily lay back, spread her legs and demanded her own. I don't recall much of it clearly except for this. She was soaked, sodden, as wet as I have EVER found her. Clearly this had not just been for me, her body had loved it too. I know her pleasure was similarly intense, I remember using a rabbit in her arse and very large dildo in her pussy as i pleasured her. I know that she almost came from penetration alone (would have done but I stopped to draw it out for her. This has never happened before. When she came she was as full, as horny and slutty as ever, pussy and arse filled and who knows what dirty thoughts in her head (two men probably). I don't, because I was so out of it from my experience that while I was able to pleasure her and focus on exactly what she needed, I cannot remember any details at all. A couple of minutes after her first orgasm i gave her her second, with one single slide of my finger across her clit. One, just one. This I do remember.

I have nothing more to say. It was wonderful, sublime. We snuggled in for the night and our warmth and our love flowed around us like a perfume as we fell asleep.


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later edit ...
One thing I forgot to say, she had no intention of letting me cum during most of the evening. She wanted to go away with me unsatisfied knowing I am not allowed to play while she was gone. She was in an extreme teasing mood. I think she let me cum in the end because the fucking was so hot she enjoyed that more.

quick vignette

Late on sunday night
Its been a long weekend, and we are very tired. Our guests have left.

Sandy comes to me, gives me a big hug and says thanks for helping, for tidying without being asked, for putting the kids to bed, and all the other little things I helped her with over the weekend. Her appreciation meant a lot to me.

Then as she is walking out she turns back with a cheeky sexy look on her face and a tilt in her hips, saying, 'but you still arent going to cum...'

Delicious!

Last night I got to pleasure my sandy. But apart from making me hot and horny I got nothing. She was adamant I wasn't allowed to cum.

She said those magic words. "It's delicious having my orgasm and being mean not letting you."

Delicious. I like that. Needless to say it brought my inner horndog out even more. I do love her!

M

She really doesnt care

We have played tease and denial games for years, but in the past she has always given me the strong impression that she would want me to cum soon. She thought I got too edgy after a while, or just didnt want to be so mean. Sometimes she just wanted a change. I am beginning to really believe that is no longer the case.

Its been a month since I last came. Ive been a raging bag of hormones for at least 2 weeks now. She has had about 25 orgasms since my last one. We were chatting last night and she admitted that she doesnt feel at all bad about it, in fact she cant help but be mean. During the day quite often in passing she will grab and twist a nipple, or swat my ass hard. When we are naked and in bed she just cant help but tickle, dig her nails into my cocks or balls etc. She cant stop herself, doesnt want to. She likes using the riding crop on me because she knows it really hurts, not like the belt that builds up into a pleasurable pain, she likes this because its instantly almost unbearable. And she admitted that while she enjoys making me cum, she enjoys not making me cum much much more. Truly her newfound dominance is of be careful what you wish for!

Lest I give the impression that she doesnt care about me thats far from true. Part of her enjoyment comes from seeing how much I love being abused, part of it from the enjoyment of her power and control (which can only come with the willing gift of my submission). If I didnt *really* enjoy it on some level she would not be doing it this way. But she knows full well that its a love hate thing, I do want to cum, I do hate the riding crop, and yet she will push these things further than I would go, for her own enjoyment. And that makes it so much hotter for me, her kink feeds my kink, her dominance feeds my submission...

While talking last night she also admitted that if I wanted to stop and go back to the way things were, she would find it almost impossible. I created a monster!

In conclusion, I should probably accept a life at least for the next few years, with fewer orgasms than before. And I love it, the more skewed it gets in her favour, the more fun it becomes.

The Dom is back (at least for the night)

Last night we switched roles, Sandy was on the bottom in need of a good tease and a bit of healthy abuse. Who was I to refuse :) After her second orgasm we made love, we came simultaneously with her in my arms, bodies close, every inch of skin in an embrace. It was the nearest to 'lovemaking' we ever come, and it was wonderful.

I won't relate it all, but try to highlight one small section and make it as hot, and accurate, as I can.


' kneel up' he ordered, 'quickly!'

She rose up and knelt, her hands on her thighs, back arched. Always good in that position, she looked weak, horny, ripe for abuse. His eyes took in her form, her breasts were pert, pointing up and swollen in their rope prison. her legs, achingly long and folded beneath her, the skin of her inner thighs smooth, creamy white, a sheen of persperation. glistening sensuality. Her hips and arse flared wide, curved cheeks, rounded and soft, so clearly a women. He held her waist easily in his hands, soft in his palms, encompassed by him, squeezing his toy, marking his possession.

He admired her from behind but his manner was rough. 'spread' he snapped, slapping her inner thighs wider apart, reddening them. He didn't care for her pain, indeed the whimper was music to him. As she kneeled, panting, her moist depths were available but cast aside, a deeper violation was required. His finger slipped deep into her arse. There was no warning, yet her spread thighs had bared her hole to him and he took it. First one, then two fingers sliding in without resistance, her inner slut inviting the abuse. 'oh god yes' she breathed, 'fuck me!' He felt her muscle grabbing him tight, each movement of his finger making her slippery arse twitch, gripping tighter still. He always loved the feeling of this, this soft mouth kissing his finger, hungry for him. Her depths violate.

'What are you?'

'a slut' she answered, 'a dirty slut, dirty dirty whore, I I'll do anything, fuck anyone you make me, oh god, I'm just a dirty slut begging to be used'

He smiled.

I'm cracking up!

In future I will refer to my wife as sandy, a nickname based on how she looks when she has been in the sun for a while, I call her sand monkey as her face gets so covered in freckles she looks like a dirty little monkey that's been scrabbling in the sand.

Yesterday (saturday now) we had guests, but all day sandy and I were flirting, kissing, hugging, I kept falling for her gorgeousness, holding her tight. She kept grabbing me, my arse, my waist. At one point she whispered in my ear, right next to her mother, that she was tempted to send me away without cumming. I'm going away on business for a few days, and was really hoping and thinking she would let me cum before I went. Its got to the point that I am so horny for a proper orgasm that I really want to cum, orgasm denial has for the first time ever gone so far I actually want her to stop and give me a decent cum! She has other ideas it seems, and again I am stunned by how my ex- vanilla, slightly sub wife has changed deeply and completely. She is really really getting off on being so mean, relishing my frustration. Her eyes are sparkling with love and mischief that used to be reserved only for food and skiing. In fact she now knows I have gone past the point of wanting, really wanting to cum, and it seems to have made her enjoy it all the more. Anyway we flirted all day but bed time was very late and we slept.

This morning we woke before the kids, unusual, and had time to play. She read a post by long distance sub about being exhibited, and that resulted in my pleasuring her to the fantasy of her masturbating in front of a crowd, legs spread lewd and wide. She came harder than she had for ages.

My turn and she had me on edge in seconds. She made it clear I wasn't to cum until she told me I could, if I did I would be sent away locked up. As she teased she also admitted that she hoped the kids would wake up and interrupt us, now that she had had her cum. Bitch! Eventually she climbed on top, rested her still wet pussy on my balls and teased me ever so slowly to the edge, just by scratching at my Frenum, and said I could let go. I came like a rocket, ooh wait I didn't. I would have only she let go of my cock leaving the only stimulation her hot puss grinding on my balls. Aaaaaaahhh.

And apparently she claims she is being nice, just because I am not locked.

I am so close to throwing her to the bed and raping her, but of course she would never allow that :) and the sub in me just keeps growing. I feel like the body snatchers have stolen my sandy and replaced her with an evil twin, only she clearly loves me more now than ever, and that's a lot! How could she not have even suspected she had this in her, she used to insist she had not got a dominant bone in her body. She commented a few days ago about the heartache we would have avoided had we known this sooner.

So she tells me that when I return I am back in lock down until the weekend. I hope I get to cum then!

We that was a much longer post than i expected...

More of the same - how dull :)

Last night was valentines night. We went out for a lovely meal. She had a surprise card from me, and an en even more surprise bottle of perfume. She was happy to be surprised, im not normally a valentines kind of guy, but I felt like treating her extra special this year.

She wore a beautiful wraparound dress, leather knee boots, hold-ups and no panties. So i was happy :)

A delicious meal, the best part was her crispy duck salad, I couldnt stop picking at it! My own dish was pretty tasty but looking at my wife, I decided she was the most appetising thing at the table.

After going for a drive to see the surroundings we went home to bed. There she decided she wanted to be teased and edged as if she were with another man or two, being used. I was only too happy to oblige. Turnabout is fair play and I ended up on my back with her strap-on up my ass, with her bent over rubbing my cock between her breasts. I woudnt have imagined that to be possible, but hey it wss hot! Needless to say however that my orgssm was yet again spoilt. She had considered giving me a proper one but apparently when she was fucking me I had been too demanding, she had pretended to be the angry Domme (very sexy) and that was that... Personally I think its an excuse and she wasnt going to anyway.

After a long sensual afterglow she rolled over, told me to get my chastity belt and put it on. She wanted me to lock it (making me abuse myself). When I asked her how she felt she said 'powerful'. I couldnt believe that she would do that on Valentines day, but like I said she is getting more dominant.

So here I am locked and still horny, she is asleep and beautiful in my bed. Wow.

---------------

By the way about a month and a half ago I sent her the following email. I didnt think that she would act on it with such 'evil' timing.

---------------

Wanting a tease and not wanting it, so - here goes (deep breath)

sometime in the next month or two would you mind locking me up one night without warning. For a time of 1 or 2 weeks, its your choice. Its up to you how often if at all you let me out in that time. I would like lots of teasing so I dont feel forgotten. Mind you I would offer as much tea, foot massages, back rubs while you read, or any other tasks you would like to ask or demand of me :) Of course you are in charge (as always) so any tickling, spanking, face sitting or other meanness you enjoy is fine by me. We could even make love during that period, although it may be a little one way, hahah. Unless I am sore or there is some other really good reason dont let me talk you out of cutting the denial short. I might ask to swap belts every now and then for comfort. I hope you dont mind my tone, im trying not to sound demanding while getting my idea across.
One last thing, I would love it if you made me eat my cum when I do have an orgasm at the end, especially if its inside you!

If you are ok with this please put it in your diary so it doesnt get forgotten, and lock me up on that day come what may. I dont want to know when, happy to have a nasty surprise!

If you dont want to do it I really do understand, its your choice entirely.

Random post

A quick update written on the train. These days work is a nightmare, busy and problematic. I hardly get time to write let alone edit what I have written.

I don't really know what to write today, but i need to. My wife's dominance is still growing, in a very playful way. She loves that I am her toy and will do as she asks immediately. I give her a foot message every other night as she falls asleep, it helps her sleep. The other night she asked for one when I had a cold. Asked not demanded, but asked anyway. It was my pleasure! She demands much more practical help too. She isnt excessive, but she does like her own way.

In the last month I haven't cum properly, merely twice at work and two spoiled orgasms at her hand. She is really enjoying being so mean while she cums lots, and there is no sign of an end. For my part i feel like her 'in love' toy, her knight, her submissive lover. I don't think we will ever swap roles again permanently, now that she has allowed herself to let go she has fallen in to this dominant role so easily that it amazes me we ever thought she was a sub. She now swaps roles for sex sometimes, and loves it, but less often.

UPDATE
Last night we played again. I wanted to start with a long cuddle but she, yes my old vanilla wife, was itching to get on! A short cuddle later I was tied with my arms to my chest, feet together, flipped onto my front where she proceeded to tease and whip me, mostly whip. She used all 'her' implements, paddles, tawse and riding crop. After a long warmup during which I was wriggling like a mad thing she asked if I had had enough... I hadn't, but she hadn't either and really wanted to let rip. Once I told her to feel free and that I was fine with that, she tanned my ass so completely a couple of times I had to beg her to stop; which she took her time doing:)

She taunted me with the body I couldn't touch.

And the look on her face was of such enjoyment it was sublime!

When she decided it was time for her to cum she sat on my chest, my hands on her waist and ass, allowed me to nuzzle her heart stopping butt, and gave me the mother of all spoiled orgasms. I was so out of control I kept trying to touch myself, finish it properly. With her sat on me she made damn sure I didnt. The mental frustration is incredible.

She lay back for her own pleasure, one strong and two weaker ones that left her very content, satisfied. She looked like the cat that got the cream, happy with her cum, and very happy that it was at my expense, that she was so mean to me.

'Its such Fun!' She said, and it was!

The Christmas spanking

I bet all of you are wondering how the christmas countdown went? Heheh, cos so many of you are hanging on my every word!!

Well my God that belt think hurt!

She dressed up in a new waspie (christmas present), white shirt, and nothing on her bottom half. a sexier sight I could not imagine. I knelt down with my hands bound to my thighs kissing her lovely feet, her soft thighs and her bare pussy. After a few minutes of this she ordered me over the end of the bed where she proceeded to whip my ass with the belt, not starting slowly, straight in there. By number 10 I was wriggling around like a landed fish, by about 15 she figured out the flicking the belt back hand allows her to put a lot more power into the stroke, which she proceeded to do. By 25 my ass was on fire, my cock was aching hard and my smile was struggling to contain itself to my face. That was cheek one. The end of the belt kept flicking cheek two so it started off its turn already slightly sore. Luckily she stopped between cheeks to fondle my cock and balls from behind for a while, something I wasnt about to complain about! Cheek two was similar only slightly harder as she was getting the hang of the thing. She did back off a little for the middle strokes but wound up to some full blows for the last 8 or so. It was a burning pleasurable hell and I loved every minute of it, in fact a couple of minutes after she stopped I persuaded her to give me two more to each cheek, just for luck. Heheh. After that we went to bed, she was still a little poorly so decided she did not want to have sex, which of course meant no orgasm for me :)

For those of you that are wondering, she really enjoys spanking me. Even though she was still a bit poorly and didnt want sex she thoroughly enjoyed the spanking, loved seeing my 'cute ass' (her words) prone and squirming around. Enjoyed being mean and enjoyed my enjoyment of it. So much so that today, the 28th, after only three days without spanking me, she confessed to missing it and is planning another soon.

One final thing, the next HNT will show the aftermath.

Happy Christmas all!

M

Words for the wordless

A single tear,
Words for the wordless,
Love giving voice where mind cannot purpose.
Soft curve that slices
Warmth that freezes,
Velvet skin that binds and squeezes
the heart, In darkness beating aching.
Light shattered, scattered, splendor undimmed
Reflected the tear the feeling within.




Happy HNT....

Ow, ow ow ow ow ow

Well I hadnt expected this... When I joked about an advent spanking she picked up and ran with it. This you already know. She also suggested that it should be counted as spanks per cheek, not overall. That was her demand, though I agreed to it. What I had'nt counted on when i agreed was that spanking me every night she would get a lot of practice, and so her strikes are getting much much harder.

We missed the 6th, so on the 7th she gave me 13. By the end it stung big time. Not sure how I will get through 25 but hey, looking forward to finding out.

Neverthless owowowowowoowowow..

Loving this by the way, in case you hadnt guessed.

Marital torment, marital bliss

I have alluded occasionally to the problems my wife and I have had in the past. I thought I might put a bit of background to it.

I am a very passionate person, physically demonstrative even in public, high sex drive, I like deep intimacy with my partner. I would spend quite a lot of time with her, lots of hugs and kisses, talk a lot... Some of my wife's friends are somewhat envious of her as she gets so much attention without even asking for it, while some of them are a little starved. You get the drift.

My wife is very different. She is fairly passionate but not about relationships. She used to be more guarded with her heart, opens up with friends less, tends to sit back and watch rather than dive in to the thick of things. Her passion is most obvious over food and holidays. She was also very repressed. Openminded for sure, and very accepting, but for herself repressed. She tells of a coffee shop she walked past for years on her way to work. Every time she wanted to walk in and try the cakes, but never actually did. She has a lot of stories like that.

Over the last few years our differences had grown to be the source of a huge problem between us. I need intense intimacy, she gets it from just being around which makes me feel like I am invisible. I need lots of passionate, different, exciting sex, she is happy with what she gets and has a lower sex drive. As the early years passed these problems became huge, tore us apart and almost caused a divorce more than once. Only our deep and fundamental love (and a hell of a lot of hard work) got us through those years. Many times we were so angry we had forgotton love, forgotten friendship, and all we could see was resentment and anger. Beneath it was still love else we wouldnt have bothered, but it was easy to forget for long periods. Almost all caused by a difference in our emotional language and our sexual needs.

I have come to the conclusion that to someone like me, someone who needs regular physical, verbal, intimate emotional affirmation and celebration of love, a relationship with a cooler headed less demanding person is not going to be easy. We worked at it for years, and eventually when things got so bad we were staring into the abyss, suddenly the nearness and horror of where we were began to combine with the hard work and foundations we had been building, and we started to climb out of the mess we were in. There had been green shoots and successes before but never sustainable. However once it started in earnest the climb was swift. We are so in love these days, all over again. Its like a knot in my heart how much I love and care for her, and the memory of the problems acts as a warning to us both to keep up the effort.

What effort? To talk, to care about the other persons deep needs and desires. To remember to take the her need, though it may seem trivial or pointless to me, and make it my own need. To treat it as importantly as my own. And she does the same. If one of us wasnt pulling our weight this would be the road to resentment, believe me I know. But when we both do it its a shining path to a deeper happier love I could never have imagined. It wasnt easy for us to get here but this is sublime.

By the way my wife has been blossoming over the last few years. Her confidence in herself, her openness with friends and with me, her sensuality and sexual experimentation, her passion.... The passionate and exciting person I suspected was there is shining out and I am surprised at how bright she has turned out to be. She is full of surprises these days. Relationships are very hard work, people underestimate that, but the effort is so worth it!