Sunday, 3 May 2009

She really doesnt care

We have played tease and denial games for years, but in the past she has always given me the strong impression that she would want me to cum soon. She thought I got too edgy after a while, or just didnt want to be so mean. Sometimes she just wanted a change. I am beginning to really believe that is no longer the case.

Its been a month since I last came. Ive been a raging bag of hormones for at least 2 weeks now. She has had about 25 orgasms since my last one. We were chatting last night and she admitted that she doesnt feel at all bad about it, in fact she cant help but be mean. During the day quite often in passing she will grab and twist a nipple, or swat my ass hard. When we are naked and in bed she just cant help but tickle, dig her nails into my cocks or balls etc. She cant stop herself, doesnt want to. She likes using the riding crop on me because she knows it really hurts, not like the belt that builds up into a pleasurable pain, she likes this because its instantly almost unbearable. And she admitted that while she enjoys making me cum, she enjoys not making me cum much much more. Truly her newfound dominance is of be careful what you wish for!

Lest I give the impression that she doesnt care about me thats far from true. Part of her enjoyment comes from seeing how much I love being abused, part of it from the enjoyment of her power and control (which can only come with the willing gift of my submission). If I didnt *really* enjoy it on some level she would not be doing it this way. But she knows full well that its a love hate thing, I do want to cum, I do hate the riding crop, and yet she will push these things further than I would go, for her own enjoyment. And that makes it so much hotter for me, her kink feeds my kink, her dominance feeds my submission...

While talking last night she also admitted that if I wanted to stop and go back to the way things were, she would find it almost impossible. I created a monster!

In conclusion, I should probably accept a life at least for the next few years, with fewer orgasms than before. And I love it, the more skewed it gets in her favour, the more fun it becomes.


MyKey said...

This is something fairly new to me, we had been playing games for a while but I hadn't really got comfortable and really into it. I was very uncomfortable when he first asked me to take the lead - thought since I didn't know what I was doing I wouldn't know what to do, and I wouldn't be able to do it right, and felt a bit silly and self conscious. Of course (I realise now) if I didn't take the lead that he wouldn't be able to lay back and enjoy it properly.

He gave me ideas of what he liked though and I picked out a few things I was more comfortable with. After having a few regular 'dates' of doing something for him, I got more used to it and realised it was actually quite fun. By Christmas I was starting to make my own games up - knowing what I enjoyed, but at least as importantly what I know works for him. It's the increduous expression on his face when he says 'surely not?' mixed with that 'but I love what you are doing please keep doing it!' that shows me I've got it right and gives me an explosion of intimacy with him, and I'm pretty sure of him with me. There's also an extra dimension - this gives me lots of confidence cos I nearly always seem to get it right. That's really important as we've had a lot of difficult years and I had lost my confidence in being good at sex.

It's just so much fun, but it really is that much fun because of the feedback and connection it gives us. I'm not sure if this part of me is here to stay, but I already know it would be very difficult to go back to a more equal relationship. We've definitely come to the conclusion (after many years of thinking otherwise) that I am not and never will be submissive...for now we are enjoying this new era of our relationship


Anonymous said...

Sandy - It hasn't been that long that my P and i crossed that line. i encourage You to go for it. Y/you'll both be glad Y/you did. He may find it hard at times, which comes with the territory. When You wake up in the morning, just ask Yourself: "What would I like today?"

MyKey said...

Hi Knight

Apparently Sandy read your comment this morning and thought that sounded a good idea. Whake up, think what you want for the day and get it...