Saturday, 16 October 2010

Big Boy

Apparently he is a big boy. This is what my wife coyly said to me after the last night they were together. Very big apparently, but she loves the way he feels inside. She really likes that he is big.

They both wish they could avoid condoms since they both prefer the way it feels, but since he is fairly promiscuous Sandy has decided that it wont happen with him. This is kind of a shame as she really gets off on the idea of him cumming inside her, of feeling his cum dripping down her thighs after. She is totally turned on by coming home and making me lick her clean afterwards, she talks about it as a certainty that it would happen. I'm glad safety takes precedence though. Perhaps one day we will get to experience that but for now it remains a fantasy.

Funnily enough she doesnt think he feels better inside her than I do. I wonder what will happen when she next fucks me though, as its been two months since we last did, and it will be a long while before we do again. I wonder if the difference will be more noticeable then. I suspect not but its an interesting thought. The fantasy of course is that she prefers him, but the reality is that she and I are very sexually compatible and she loves sex with me. This is a good thing, though we often play with the fantasy of the better lover. She enjoys calling me dicklet and I get off on playing up to it. We both know its not true, if I really weren't comfortable with my cock I dont think a comment as barbed as that would be fun in the slightest, but as it is it works in a tongue in cheek kind of way.

There are some extreme aspects to this cuck play though. The first is that she clearly has emotions for him. Not romantic love but she likes him and cares about him. This isn't a risk to us, he's not a man she could be with in a relationship, but she cares a lot nonetheless and misses him. I am finding my feet with the reality of this lifestyle, seeing a bit less of her, knowing her emotions are shared. It takes a bit of getting used to. Not a lot, i have total trust in her and we are still more in love than ever before, but logical knowledge that this is ok is not the same as emotionally feeling it. I feel good about it, as does she, but every now and then I am keenly aware of my feelings about the whole subject. Its like a chastity belt, permanent bondage it reminds you each time you feel it that your partner has you at her mercy. Well each time I remember what she has done and is still doing, each time I see a text or her smile when she talks about him, its like a little submissive lurch inside me and another level of excitement and submission that i am drawn into.

This is turning into a long long post. That wasn't what I intended. I don't often get to write on a pc, usually I'm on the iphone and have to keep them shorter. Its good to dump my thoughts down though.

She and I are getting deeper into a d/s relationship. One effect of this is that I am getting more submissive to her, so much so that I want her to take the cuckolding decision away from me. At the moment I know she will stop the instant I say, she has been very clear about that with me. I really appreciate that but I really want her to be the only one to make that decision, to fuck who she wants without asking permission, to stop only when she chooses. Here is where fantasy and reality clash of course. It would be insane for us to actually take that step. She never would, not just the risk to our relationship but simply that loving and caring for me as she does makes it impossible for her to ignore my hurt and carry on if I needed her to stop. As for me I am not slave material I cant delegate our entire life to her, I need intimacy and need her love and respect. I am comfortable precisely because I know that if things became hard she would put me first. The fantasy of being utterly submissive in this regard is deeply appealing to my submissive side but totally impractical in reality.

There is however an area in which we are both comfortable handing over total control to her, an area which feeds my submission and her dominance, and takes some advantage of the cuckold dynamic. Permission to fuck my own wife. She isn't usually much into penetrative sex so we don't do it often and its been up to her for a long time now. Occasionally we have a vanilla break but the rest of the time its her call. Of course now she is getting a regular, almost weekly fuck from her lover its pretty much met her need for that kind of sex. She loves denying me anyway and is now very excited by denying me her pussy, not just a fuck but even momentary entry, while offering it to him freely. She gets a fuck with a nice guy with a big cock, she gets the added pleasure of the naughtiness of not allowing her own husband the same pleasure. It turns her on to think of me being denied while she breaks the ultimate taboo. It turns me on too. Sandy decided a couple of weeks back that I was banned for a while, yesterday I encouraged her to put a timescale on it.

2011. I wont be allowed inside her until 1 Jan 2011. Not once, not even for a moment. Her pussy is out of bounds. What is more she has said that she is seriously considering making this a permanent ban as long as she is seeing her lover, since she loves being that mean to me and is getting her fill anyway. Remember that she does not expect this to last very long, a year at most, so the ban is not as bad as it sounds. If it lasts long term she has been pretty clear that she will want me inside her on occasion, but only rarely. Hence on the 1st of Jan she will decide if I can fuck her again, or if the ban gets extended.

Going back to the earlier point, we cant let her decide alone wether to keep fucking her lover, but we can make my fucking her part of the power exchange. We decided over the last few days that it is now entirely up to her when or even if I get to fuck her. She can extend the ban a day, a week, a year with a veto over anything I request. This will apply even when we are having a vanilla break. Its not so different to our normal life of the last three years but its become more solid, even less negotiable. Any pretence I had of access to my wife for a fuck has been laid to rest. I can honestly say that I love it, knowing I am completely at her whim for her pussy makes me burn for her and my submission grow, and she just loves the power.

This is a fairly extreme post I realise. I am very interested to know your thoughts so for those of you reading, if you have an opinion I would be grateful to hear it.

M

7 comments:

Milliscent said...

mk,

I think it delicious that he is bigger than you! It's probably true that it doesn't feel any better, but boys worry so much about their size, and it's so fun to play on those fears.

I also think it wonderful that she is thinking about banning you from penetration for as long as the relationship lasts.

That is, to me, a perfectly delightful way of expanding upon basic cuckoldry.

M

Jen said...

Your honesty is so refreshing :) Thank you for this post.

Pondering said...

Just wanted to let you know that I gave you a shout out on our blog PonderingDesire. I think I am going to have to go back and start yours from the beginning.

http://ponderingdesire.tumblr.com/post/1333977079/apparently-he-is-a-big-boy-this-is-what-my-wife

PS. Good work on landing a big one. ;)

Pondering said...

Had to reblog this part of your blog entry:

http://ponderingdesire.tumblr.com/post/1334501028/the-fantasy-of-course-is-that-she-prefers-him-but

We feel the exact same way when it comes to SPH.

MyKey said...

Hi Milliscent
It is delicious that he is bigger, and that I have been banned from her for now. I love that only she can lift the ban. It turns us both on loads to do this.

Thanks Jen

Hi Pondering. Thanks for the links and for reading, I will reciprocate once I am back on a real computer. Happy for you to reblog.
Lol to landing a big one!
M

S said...

I can't imagine the powerful depths of emotion and thrill and sexual frustartion you feel all rolled into one. It must be a very moving experience for you. And then to find out that the other guy is bigger than you. The final step is for you to watch quietly when he jams his cock into her and she screams in delight. I hope they let you watch someday.

MyKey said...

Hi S.

The size isn't a big deal to me. But for sure it's an emotional rollercoaster. Exciting and fun but very intense when the woman you love has feelings for another man, even if those feelings aren't love.