Thursday, 13 March 2008

The importance of communication

Roll on telepathy, thats what I say. We humans are so bad at communicating its a wonder we get anything done at all... My wife and I in arguments can be trying our hardest to speak clearly and get our point across, and when we think we are at our most clear, ... still the other person takes precisely the wrong meaning.

So what hope the long distance or virtual relationship?

My Domme and I had a bit of scare today. I did something to disappoint her. She responded with a 'headgame' that was (with hindsight) intended to be perceived as a punishment. When viewed from my end it didnt come across as a punishment, the words screamed 'its over, permanently, you failed me'. So I reacted with sadness and some anger... you can see where it might have ended up. Luckily it didnt and a short but intense bit of time on IM sorted it out. Still you have to wonder, when its so hard to communicate in person how hard is this?!!

She suggested that I should trust her more, that I know she loves me and would not hurt me. She is right of course and to a surprisingly (for me) deep level I do. I guess the measure of trust is how far you will go before you feel you are falling. Today showed me that while I trust her a lot its not enough that my more powerful emotional triggers can be played with. Not yet anyway. I think we need to know each other better, and perhaps more importantly know that the other person knows and understand us. Then I at least will feel completely in safe hands.

A friend of mine recently suggested that NVC (non-violent communication) of which he is a practitioner should be taught at schools. Not just for interpersonal reasons but to raise humanity up a level socially. Imagine if everyone from schoolkids chatting, right up to the politicians they may one day become, had measurably better empathic and communication skills. After a generation a significant improvement could be made in peoples lives on the macro and micro scale. I have to say from what I have seen of it, I think he is right. An hour a week could be invaluable!

nb. The violent does not refer to physical violence but emotional, as in charged words and unclear or unempathic communication that results in angry feelings on both sides.


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