Ive read Dev's thoughts on cuckolding which inspired me to write a short post about what we are getting out of it. I should say at the start that I am as irritated by the close link between chastity, cuckolding, and im a useless worm style fantasy. Especially when that fantasy is made out to be real. The end result is that a person, usually a woman coming online to research this thing they have been asked to play with, finds a lot of scary, extreme and emotionally upsetting claptrap. In that I agree with her, Tom, Maymay, Sarah, Thumper and many others who reject the association between kink, submission and weakness. I admit also that cuckolding is an extreme fantasy, one of the most extreme, simply because society for thousands of years has taught us that almost the worst thing we can do in a relationship is to play away, because a woman wants to love and respect her man and not do anything to threaten that, and because it seems very risky and it can be!
That said this post is going to address why we do it, in the context of a healthy happy loving marriage.
I wish I could start by writing a long post on my thoughts, one that would address everything perfectly, clarify my and Sandys thoughts and emotions perfectly, make clear how we feel. Sadly ive been beaten to the punch by queen KC who wrote a post that so perfectly summarises it that im just going to link to it and not try to reinvent the wheel badly. Please read this before you carry on. I emailed this to Sandy. My wife is put off by extreme fantasy or badly written silliness. She is very open minded but as any long time reader of my blog knows she struggled to embrace her and my kinky side for many years. Yet her response to the article was 'Sounds just like us!'. KC summarises it perfectly. Sandy loves me, fancies me, respects and admires me. She finds me gentle and loving, smart and dependable, and sexy as hell even after 15 years together. One reason she hasnt even considered played with anyone else before is because for her I set a very high bar. Why bother to play with someone who is so much less attractive. But having found someone who does appeal (physically and friendship wise, NOT emotionally) she has very much enjoyed playing away so far.
She likes to humiliate me, I enjoy it too. This wouldnt work if it was true that I was useless, it works because it is a game. Sure im embarrassed but I know im not really 'dicklet', in fact I know she loves my cock a lot. I find it hard to strip off and show myself to her while wearing her panties because I know and she knows I look ridiculous. Yet she loves the fact that I do it as it shows the power she has over me, she cant believe I do what she says but gets off on it. Humiliation is one way to amplify that feeling. Plus its just FUN!
For now she enjoys playing away. All this fun we have at home makes her horny. She isnt going and spending that energy elsewhere, this isnt a zero sum game. Playing and flirting with him makes her more horny, the amount of sex we have has gone up since she started doing this. The intimacy between us has gone up even more, we are sharing a naughty secret. We laugh about it, fantasise and talk about it. Its one more thing to share and therefore brings us together. When I look at her I see a woman I love and lust after through my eyes and his, she becomes even more attractive to me. When she comes home to me she is reminded every time of how lucky she is, how much she truly appreciates and wants me, she has said so. The taking for granted that develops over the years is shed when she gets back having tasted something different and sees that what she has is better! Oh and did i mention, its also just plain FUN! Lets not underestimate that, analysis aside its fun for her playing around doing new things with new people, and its fun for me hearing about it.
Not sure I can add much to this, what do you think?
M
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7 comments:
Hi Mykey,
Thanks for this post. Your comments I agree with...KC, not so much. I have a reaction of, "Methinks she doth protest too much." She says she's a 20-something who is busy cucking her husband. Good for her and I am glad she is having fun. I also wonder if she'll have that same husband in 10, 20, or 30 years? To me it sounds like she is setting herself for an emotional minefield and no matter how strong, assertive, and confident she is, sometimes relationships can't withstand that. But that's me.
Your post, on the other hand, comes from a place that sounds more emotionally honest to me, and I appreciate that. I am glad you are having fun.
Twelve years ago, my husband and I had a guy we had a regular 3-way with. It was lots of fun (I love being the meat in a manwich :-)). We played for awhile and then moved on. A similar opportunity has not presented itself since then. If it did, would we take advantage? Probably. With him in a cock cage? Maybe. That could be hot.
Is that cuckholding? Not in my mind. I guess the difference (to me) is being together vs. being apart. Shades of grey...
Glad things are working for you and I wish you and Sandy the best of fun as you play and explore.
D
I loved what KC wrote because she seems to be reading my mind. I really want to experience all those feelings and sesnations. Have to admit, I'd love to share my wife like devotedlvr describes too.
If it's not the husband who's cuckolded, it's the third person introduced into the relationship. That person won't have any emotional worth beyond that of a "friend", that person will never become a part of the relationship, that person will never know the depth of emotion the couple shares that's necessary to delve together into such a kink. That third person is simply a stand-in for the couple's game, a warm body, a distraction.
Sure, sure, it can be argued that it's consensual just like it can be argued that it's consensual if the husband is the cuckold, but regardless of semantics SOMEONE has to be the detached outsider, SOMEONE has to bear witness without participation.
If you think I'm wrong, then consider the possibility that the third person falls in love with the wife and tries to convince her to leave her husband. In a perfect world, the husband and wife would divorce themselves from the third person and leave him or her out in the cold.
The essence of cuckoldry.
It really all depends upon the psychological responses of the men involved. The husband has to feel that sense of obedience or humiliation or whatever it is in his head that makes this different and thrilling for him. As a matter of fact it is that very same millenia of tradition of monogamy that makes cuckolding a thrill. You are doing something "bad" and "bad" feels really good. If society condoned such arrangements, where would the thrill be in it? Same reason why I don't want to see topless beaches become normal. If you see boobs everywhere, what's the big deal? The man brought in could, as has been pointed out, feel cuckolded as well if his feelings go beyond just being there for sex. The woman then gets power over both men, which has to be pretty intoxicating for her.
It's because he could be too possessive of her, putting her on a pedestal, acting chivalrous, looking at her as a damsel in distress, etc. Believe it or not, women are more likely to cheat on chivalrous men because chivalrous men treat women like damsels in distress, suffocate them, subjugate them, and fight too much with every other men they talk to. If a guy was always chivalrous and putting me on a pedestal in a relationship. I would no doubt cheat on him.
I am not here to judge or be judges… to each their own. Everyone has the right to do what they please, and from what I've read everyone seems to be in a happy long-lasting sexual relationship.
However, the choice of lifestyle needs to be part of the relationship. Including both parties.
My experience with cuckolding is this. My boyfriend decided to be that "third person" for a cuckolding couple. They took pictures for posterity no doubt. They used our bed. No condom was involved. A picture was taken of her vagina with my boyfriends semen.
Me? I was interstate working. I was away for a week.
They emailed him 10 pictures which he then burnt onto a CD. He emailed back telling them how "great it was and we should do it again".
Approximately two weeks later, I find these pictures in my trash. I hope you realise by now that I had NO knowledge of any of this!
I am not of that lifestyle.
I do not want to be.
I have experimented.
I was am still am very, very hurt by the deception. I wrote her an emailed letting her know that he is in a relationship and that I would appreciate her never contacting him again (I was very nice).
A few months later, she decides to email him again. My action then is to email her back through his email account and that email was abusive.
She knew better because I had told her. She still had NO consideration for ANY else except her own perverted fantasises.
FINE… be that way… like I said :to each their own:, just don't DESTROY innocent people in the process! Don't force YOUR lifestyle into someone's life! Make SURE that the third person is not with someone else.
She KNEW she was in MY room, that he did not live alone (I also have a son)… I am not invisible here, there are pictures of me. Yet, I still took the high road and was nice when I emailed her.
Now I have nothing but issues… and the "incident" was over 12 months ago.
You sound like a nice person. Sorry this happened to you. You are right all parties should be open to it, deception is a relationship killer.
After what happened to me at Christmas it took me months to get over the deception too. Lots and lots of talking to my partner. I hope you are doing the same.
MYkey
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