Monday, 20 September 2010

Concerns about an open marriage

I'm rather mixed up about where to go in my relationship, not in a bad way but it
is on my mind. I have encouraged sandy to play with others if she wants to, and she has begun to, at least a little. I am very much her sub, she controls me, my heart my sexuality and my time if she wants it. She enjoys having her way when it suits her, and loves being sexually dominant. So her playing away feels to me like a cuckold dynamic, which is fine.

But I am a switch and my dominant side is growing the more submissive I am at home, as a result she has allowed me to find a sub. This in itself is OK too, but does not sit well with the cuckold dynamic in my head. It feels like a more classic open marriage.

I know this sounds like worrying about labels but its not, I'm confused about what emotional and sexual dynamic might come about. I don't want to lose the warm love of her dominance which has made us both a much happier couple. She certainty doesn't either.

This is probably worrying needlessly, a friend who knows more about these things than I has suggested that we should just go with the flow. So that's what I will do, though if it become a choice between losing my feelings of submission to sandy by playing away myself, or stopping my own outside play I will choose the latter. This dynamic has done us as a couple too much good to lose it.

Incidentally for those who are wondering, there is no chance of letting my Dom side out on Sandy, she has made that very clear. Lol!



Giles English said...

All this sounds spectacularly unwise to me. However, you will do what you will do.

I suspect that the problem is that you can compartmentalize the maledom, since that will be limited to particular sessions with fetish trappings. However, the wife-shagging-some-other-bloke has a real-world impact on how you see your marriage, because the act itself doesn't fit a safe fetish context.

Speaking entirely as a porn writer; it's a real pity one of you doesn't swing both ways. Then she could close the circle by cuckolding you with your slave....

Thumper said...

I've thought about this, especially after you mentioned the "getting a sub but can't fuck her" thing the other day. Note that for myself, this is purely theoretical since I can't conceive I'd even be in a similar situation myself.

Anyway, for me, it would be all about hierarchy. Sandy tops you, you top subby girl, therefore, by extension, Sandy also tops subby girl, even if they never meet. She is at the very bottom of the sexual hierarchy, Sandy at the very top. It's like a military thing. The corporal "tops" the private but "subs" to the captain. A place for everyone and everyone in their place.

I admit a tiny part of me would like to play at being a dom, though I'm not sure I'm switchy enough to do it well. If that were ever to happen, I'd probably use something like the logic above to pull it off. Obviously, orgasm control does through an interesting kink (pardon the pun) into it...

S said...

Part of the loss of submissive feeling probably came in part because she more or less asked your permission to do it. She didn't have confidence that you would approve. In a real dom situation, she'd do it and tell you to like it. But that is the gap between fantasy and reality, real marriage issues are there and she didn't want to upset you. As this moves forward, she'll assert herself more over you in the cuckolding and it will feel more natural again. As for your sub, it's like someone said earlier, you have a hierarchy in place now. What will be cool is if she doms both of you together, to assert her authority over both of you together, force you guys to stretch your comfort zones a little. Very hot reading!

MyKey said...

Hi Giles
I hear what you are saying, but the wife shagging fits the cuckold dynamic very nicely in my head.
Haha, I couldnt very well be the slaves master if she cucked me with her :) hit idea though!

Hi Thumper
Yes I like that way of looking at it. Sandy is at the top, im bottom to her but above poor lowly subbie chick. Sandy smiled at your military analogy!
I honestly had not realised you werent at all dom. I assumed since you swing both ways gender wise that you also had both sides to you in this regard. A crazy assumption that was purely subconscious. I suspect you would be quite good at getting into a subs head though!

Hi S
Yes also a good thought. If she had 'forced' it upon me the issue would be much less. However like you say real marriages and real people usually need much more care taken over things of this magnitude. However having shown Sandy this comment she joked about forcing me to allow her. She liked the stretching our boundaries idea.

Giles English said...

Yes you could, depending on the slave and the action you like.

First, you could have great fun extracting confessions. Perhaps your access to your wife would be determined by what you can get the slave to confess.

Or, you could be in the exquisite position of being a major domo: responsible for the slave's sexual performance and manner. You could even be in the room supervising...