Monday, 1 November 2010

Never look back

My wife is not one for looking back. She moves forward in life, rarely has regrets and gets on with it. She would not want to live in a city she previously lived in, or work at a place she has been before. You get the drift. When it comes to kink however she was always trying to backtrack. She would have some fun, then her repression and discomfort would rise up and she would run away. This cycle (repeated often) was our pattern for many years. As a result the new, passionate, dominant and excitable Sandy is still often a surprise to me. She is honestly a different woman.

So it is still a very pleasant surprise to me when she tells me certain things. Her boyfriend is very vanilla. She told me that she quite enjoys having vanilla with him and kink at home. She says we cant do proper vanilla any more, it feels like a game. Its just not us any more and probably never will be. She is right. We have the odd vanilla break but its not real vanilla, we don't fit those roles any more. Just as many people occasionally play bondage games in the bedroom, so we play vanilla games now and then. But what's the significance?

Well imagine my surprise and pleasure when she told me that much as she likes a bit of vanilla, its made her realise that she could not imagine living that way again. Its just too boring!

We have suspected for a while this is the case but to have it confirmed is cool.


I have often mentioned her repression and how much she has blossomed recently. Imagine a woman who during her Ph.D. would walk past a coffee shop every day for 6 months. Every day she would look in and really want a coffee or one of their cakes. She never went in, not one single time. She still remembers the place and how good the coffee smelt. Why did she never go in? Because she was going to work, that was her mission. Because it costs money and she was a student. Because because because... So many reasons. Of course she could have had one now and then but at the time the chains her mind was bound with were so strong it never occurred to her.

Many many years later and after losing her job and having problems with the marriage she started to make a concerted effort to free herself from her own limitations. She went on a few NLP courses, practised letting herself go and thinking differently. We started to play dominance games and that also helped as she started to free herself from needing to mould herself to me. Eventually she reached the point she is at now, her inner passionate, silly, fun and loving nature is out there and its wonderful to see. She wont walk passed that coffee shop again without at least considering walking in. She is a different woman. Or rather she is the inner woman she always should have been.


This new passionate wife is still compared to some people quite reserved. Compared to me or her boyfriend for example, we are both very emotional, very excitable and loving men. He has commented on how little she shows her emotions. Haha! This is fantastic now, try living with her 10 years ago mate!

No comments: