Saturday, 5 December 2009

Strange feelings

Post submissive feelings

There are those feelings when you have cum, sometimes you feel silly, embarassed or foolish. Why do I do this you ask? That's all I feel these days, but not it a bad way. Not feeling foolish, just asking why. I have no real interest in being a sub, giving control feels silly and numb to me. I don't want to be denied orgasm, or my wifes body. Reading stories that used to turn me on still do, just about, but in a very detached analytical way. My Id is looking down at the rest saying why? What's the point? So I don't crave it at all.

My sex drive probably isn't low, I cum every day or two. But it's not 'there' ever present. No gnawing craving butterflies. I used to miss it when they weren't there, now it's a relief.

So I am beginning to wonder, have I had It burned out of me? I always knew I was more of a switch, not totally a sub, but when I sub I go deep. I wonder if I went so deep and long this time that the curiosity has been slaked, which is one of my big drivers. I'm happy I've been there, very happy, I would always have wanted to try it if I hadn't. But now? I don't know. It's dangerous saying stuff when you are at a low point (sexually that is) just as what you say when horny isn't necessarily to be trusted. But right now I can believe that I will not sub again.

Play is different. I may not be missing it much now but it's fun, I like tickling, teasing, spanking. These games will happen sometimes. But that's not the same thing as being a sub.

That's all I have to say this morning. But if any readers have experienced this or similar for any length of time (a month for me now) I would love to hear your opinions.



Tom Allen said...

There are those feelings when you have cum, sometimes you feel silly, embarassed or foolish. Why do I do this you ask?

That happens to me a lot, especially if Mrs. Edge allows me to come after we've been talking about how hot it would be to keep me locked up longer. I feel embarrassed for wanting something that sounds so weird.

MyKey said...

Yes that's exactly the feeling. No doubt mrs edge would not completely understand, because like sandy she just sees it as fun and doesn't choose to analyse it any deeper. Really there is no logical reason to feel this way, doing nobody any harm. Doesn't stop the feeling though.

Tom Allen said...

I've told her a few times that I get embarrassed, but she doesn't seem to understand why. She, herself, seems to enjoy the idea and the talking about them as much afterward as before.

MyKey said...

Im sure you need to be the sub to fully understand. I suspect that its partly a societal thing, we respect strength and less so weakness. For me at least I get no embarrassment when I am on top, even if we are doing 'unusual activities', because I am in charge. But actually sking to be 'weak and mistreated', thats what causes it. YOu got to have been there to fully appreciate it.

Having said that my guess is Mrs Edge still wouldnt feel bad, from what you have said if she does something she just does it and doesnt worry.

Sandy told me yesterday after 5 minutes of chatting to stop over-analysing why we have stopped DS for now, and just go with it. Lol!

Elle said...

MyKey, I think Sandy's right. Let things be for a while, and maybe analyze them later when you've had time to digest everything. Let your subconscious work on it for while.

I kinda think you will go back to being a sub. And I also kinda think phases such as this are normal. But you both need to feel like it, in order to go there again, and with your recent situation, perhaps it's normal that you just feel like working on being closer and all that.

MyKey said...

I thunk you may be right elle. Certainly don't think it's likely I won't ever go back as it was too much fun. But who knows. For now I'm taking your and Sandys advice.