Wanting to look after Sandy has not changed. I Miss it. That's changed in me perhaps permanently, that I want to do more for her and that I derive more pleasure from it.
So there will be more of that than there was before I subbed. Not as much as when I sub, that's inevitable I think, but more than before we did the ds thing.
I spoke to sandy about it today. She had an interesting take on it. She said that she thought there was a big element of having done lots of kink and that I'm probably a bit bored of it, or at least not interested if bored is too strong a word. She reminded me also, that although she has only been my domme properly for a year, that we haven't been vanilla for many many years. So we have both rediscovered the pleasure in that (and my god it is fun, and heartwarming). It seems she doesn't want the ds dynamic for now any more than I do. She thinks that she will again, she is pretty sure of that. It's fun she says. Her typical answer to what she gets out of it. But right now she is enjoying a change.
So my analytical self is starting to relax, my inner world can be explained again.