Be careful what you wish for

I always wanted to know what it was like to be dominated. Truly dominated, not slight pretend domination. The kind of domination that required me to control myself, exaggerate the control I was under, submit to a greater extent than the level of domination warranted. I always wondered, as do many subs I imagine, what it is like to be controlled beyond the point I was able to deal with, past the point I would ask for a break. Well past and to breaking point.

The chastity fantasist, and I have been one, wants to know what it is like to live in a relationship in which I was unable to cum, unable to ask and get, to be locked and unable to cheat. Given an orgasm a month if i was lucky and be screaming desperate even right after it. Absolute control, no cracks to take advantage of. Living my fantasy but gone so far beyond it I wanted out.

Well now I know, I finally know why it is some people say be careful what you wish for. It's really hard to live with, really hard. I love it, truly I do, I have craved such control as a sub for so long that having it meets a need so deep as to be utterly fulfilling. But the layers of me above that deep level, they scream for freedom, freedom to cum, to be sated. Freedom to take my wife like I used to. To feel her heat and wetness envelop me, and pound her and my sex drive into each other until they explode, a synergy of passions that crescendo and die away slowly.

Sandy kept me without for 6 weeks, much longer than my fantasies which were as a rule once a week. Then i had one orgasm, only one. She always liked to deny me for long periods but in the last few years at this point she would have had enough. I would have had a long period of not being in any way submissive. I would be sated. I would masturbate, fuck, be dominant at times. No longer. For example this time after I came she said she might stop, might have had enough. But since then every time we have had sex she has been adamant she doesn't want me to cum. It's just too much fun she says, and she has been completely unyielding in her decision. What's more she has taken to teasing me to the edge more, enjoying the look of sheer hunger and desperation. Enjoying not stopping when I beg her to stop, just edging that little bit more. This morning well after getting me close to cumming she sat on me, putting her hot, shaved pussy right on my cock and grinding herself on me till I almost came a few more times. I don't even remember the last time I was inside her, she doesn't crave it so I don't get it, simple as that. She doesn't feel at all guilty. But though I am gagging to feel my cock buried in her I know it may be months more before she wants that from me. Needless to say she gets to cum a lot though.

So I am still being denied, still controlled. not just my orgasm but other things as well. Massages, tea, doing the dishwasher, she asks but it's a strong request, and she likes the timescale to be on her terms. Again no guilt, rather an uninhibited enjoyment of her power to get what she wants, secure in the knowledge that I get off on it too.

Against all that I really want to cum, lots. I want to fuck her. Really really truly. This denial is way past my limit and I want it to end. But she doesn't, and her control means so much to me and she is so firm in her desire to deny that I will continue to suffer, to push my limits further, until she wants it otherwise. I can't do otherwise, that deep inner need ensures that. Too bad for the consious me.

True control feels different to the play that came before. It's a mental rollercoaster. I want and crave more, but I yearn for release. I can't even ask, I have 40 strikes with a riding crop already due me just for asking to cum (they hurt!). My mental chains and hers are driving me insane with need, a need that has no outlet. Mental bondage. I am emotionally needy, yet I must be strong and not abuse her by being overly demanding. I can't even scream out my frustration except when she allows it, when she is actively teasing. Even that outlet is dictated by her, denied to me.

All this may seem like we have a major sub Dom relationship. If you were to see us day to day you would see a normal couple. The control is a subtle undercurrent, a steel fist in a velvet glove. Hidden, not obvious, but very strong. Much of it seems vanilla from the outside, but it's not really, between us there is a power imbalance that we both know is there.

Be careful what you wish for!


Ps. Months ago Vixen commented that she didn't know how sandy could deny me my orgasms for so long, she really enjoys her own husband cumming. I know the answer now. I already knew that sandy isn't usually into penetrative sex, and that she has fun denying me. But I found out a few days ago that though she takes pleasure in me cumming, she takes more pleasure in seeing me hard. A lot more. When denied I am always hard for her, at the slightest provocation and even sometimes without that; proud and upstanding, iron hard. She loves that apparently, and it's another big factor in her enjoyment of my denial.

M