Wednesday, 5 August 2009
Foolish subby feelings
I don't know why but I was feeling uncomfortable with my sexuality this morning. Sandy and I had a lovely night last night, went to the cinema, came home late. She asked for a long back massage I had promised a day or so before. I still haven't been slowed to cum since she got back, although I am unlocked, so massaging her was both a pleasure and a tease.
After I finished I asked her for a little tease, she agreed on condition I massage her back again, so she did and I did, it was fun, close, pleasurable and rather exciting for me.
This morning had a nice cuddle, I woke up to her leaning over me, her delicious breasts in my face. We hugged, she lay on her front as I massaged her feet a little while she woke, I then lay on top of her to feel her against me. When she realised I was hard she began to flex her bottom against my cock until I was about to cum.
So far so good...
But now on my way in to work I suddenly feel a little stupid, foolish for being so horny, for having a different sexuality...
I hate that feeling!
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6 comments:
You are who you are. But perhaps in domesticating your kink, you've missed its essential darkness, and this is coming to ambush you now.
Or perhaps your kink actually exists in opposition with your more vanilla sexuality.
I just confessed to Mrs. Edge that I sometimes have a difficult time with my own kink; which surprised her, since she never gives things much thought.
Apparently the secret is to not be introspective.
I think the problem your facing is very simple, you are judging yourself based on what you believe others think are normal. Sex and Sexuality are the most natural things in the world and only person who has any right comment on your love life is your lover and you.
If I undertand you correctly Giles, you are saying that in trying to get used to my kink day to day I have forgotten that it is essentially 'dark'. That when I am reminded of that fact it makes me uncomfortable? You may be right. Certainly I dont often dwell on it, its me and I like to think that that is ok. However it does live in opposition to my vanilla self. As MKnight says, there is part of me that judges me by the standards I have been surrounded by, other peoples standards. Vanilla is ok, manly. A real man fucks and cums and conquers. Or maybe he loves and makes love with the woman of his dreams. He doesnt do dirty things and get left burning up with desire.
Tom, thats true but not how you or I are made is it? Sandy isnt introspective either. She just does it or doesnt do it, but doesnt think much about it either way.
Anyway its passed for now. I dont think lack of sleep helps, always brings emotions closer to the surface. Real emotions for sure, but it amplifies them.
there is part of me that judges me by the standards I have been surrounded by, other peoples standards. Vanilla is ok, manly. A real man fucks and cums and conquers. Or maybe he loves and makes love with the woman of his dreams. He doesnt do dirty things and get left burning up with desire.
Jeez Louise, you must have bugged my room the other night - this is almost exactly what I said. I mean, I know what I feel, but sometimes these little bits of culture that I've picked up over the years poke through and I feel embarrassed.
Mrs. Edge has been coming around a little bit at a time, but she doesn't worry about what other people think, nor does she stop to question herself. I'm not sure what stops her from being comfortable, but apparently, neither is she because she doesn't stop to analyze anything. That's frustrating as hell to me, because I pick apart everything to see what makes it tick.
However much we apply logic, convince ourselves that what we do is OK, healthy even, we know that most people wouldn't understand. For me its not the acts that bother me so much as the mindset behind it, or least the perceived mindset. Like you say those bits of culture are hard to shake off if you are the introspective type.
I sometimes envy people like mrs edge their ability to just get on and not question things. But I can emphasise with the frustration of trying to understand somebody close to you and struggling!
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