Things are tough all over

Extra point to anyone who recognises the reference :)

Things are a bit crap in the outsidevanilla household these days. Part of the reason I'm writing less is because we are doing less. Sandy is getting less and less interested in sex as the months go on.

It started with her going back to work full time a year or so ago. She doesn't cope well with full time work especially when you add two kids into the equation. I've upped the support I'm giving to the point where I am shattered but it's not enough. She is tired, irritable, isn't getting enough downtime and is unable to relax and make the most of it when she does get it. End result is she has nearly no sex drive. We've dropped frequency over the last year down to once a week or less. Even that is a quickie as often as not.

Im well aware that some readers might think once a week is plenty. Sandy sure does. For me though I've compromised over the years from who I really am, a highly sexual man, and as the years went by the compromise got more extreme and harder to bear. Our three year d/s relationship changed that but died as the pressure of her new job took it's toll on her.

The pressure it's putting on us is huge. I'm unhappy and feeling distant from her, and very disconnected from my own sexuality. She is distant and the lack of intimacy is affecting her too. It's causing arguments that resolve nothing. She is trying to make more effort but her effort stops outside the bedroom door. Basically she is flirty but her brain usually shuts down if it looks like it's going to become real.

All in all we are back where we started but with slightly better communication between us. We've tried to halt the slide the last few months with no lasting success. I have no idea where this is leading, no idea why I'm writing this post except that I want to get it off my chest. I'd like to think things will improve but I don't believe that. This problem has been with us for 15 years and if there was a simple solution we would have found it by now.

Sex or job. That's what it boils down to. And we can't afford for her not to work.

Meh!

Mourning the loss

I find that most of the blogs I used to read when I started blogging are gone. That and being busy mean that I have little interest in reading blogs these days. My own blog is now getting to be a bit of s trooper, which I never expected.

Elle, ms Inconspicuous, lil' flower petal, and so many others have shut down. I realise each time I look at my blogroll that I miss them. Now it's mostly full of tumblr, great for porn but not so much writing lol.

Thumper and Tom Allen are the only blogs that are still going! Although Tom of course started much before then.

M

Lasering update

Florida Dom asked what being lasered was like. Well the short answer is painful. It's like a rubber band being snapped against your skin, done repeatedly until the whole area is covered. Some parts are not too painful, others, balls, arse, base of cock hurt like mad. But then I have dark hair and olive skin and absorb a lot of the laser energy. My dark blonde pale skin wife had much less pain.

My cock and balls have had several sessions over the last four months and are very deliciously smooth. My groin has had only one, the latest one. After shaving you get lasered. Then the hair keeps growing, oddly enough. By about two weeks later I had 5-8mm long regrowth, and at that point all the hairs finally die off and start falling out. It's odd but strangely cool seeing them fall away painlessly leaving you bare.

In my case I've been left patchy, about 90% of the hair has been killed. The rest is still strong so it looks, well, mangy lol. One or two more sessions will finish it. Paler haired people take note, you won't get away with 3 sessions. My wife needed 6 and isn't quite perfect yet, although she is yummy already!

Oh and later sessions hurt much less, fewer hairs you see.

Update on the friend

Well I confess to feeling a little down. Of course having a cold always makes me feel more emotional than usual, but there is also another reason for it. I'm getting myself used to the idea of walking away from the 'friend'. She is a great person and I thought that we could be good friends, and perhaps even lovers. However I've noticed over the last month or so that the relationship is rather one way. When we are together we get on well and have fun, but I find her very flaky at keeping in touch or even responding to a hello. Frankly thats not what i want in my life. I want friends I can rely on a little more. Nothing too intense, but equally its nice to know I'm not the only one thinking of the other.

My conclusion is that she simply doesn't want what I want, or isn't the kind of character I need. Shame as I thought she was and i do rather like her.

I may be mistaken, time will tell, but i doubt it. Shame.

How to make a metal pa-5000 ring

So as promised a quick tutorial on how to convert a standard ring for a prince Albert to lock in a pa-5000 chastity tube.

First buy a horseshoe ring with a diameter that fits your cock head comfortably. The pa is under some strain when you get hard anyway, you don't want to exacerbate that with a ring that's too small for you cock when it grows hard. The gauge should be whatever You are happy wearing. My advice is not to go below 2.4mm as the smaller the gauge can cut more easily (cheesewire effect). You might get away with 1.6mm though.

Make sure that one of the balls on the end of the ring is screw on, and as large as possible. Don't get an internally threaded ring, the external ones are easier to find and stronger.

Buy or borrow a dremel. Make sure you have a grinding wheel and some cut-off wheels. Also you need a good metal vice.

Now clamp the ring in the vice tight! Make sure one of the balls is attached tight and sticking out above the vice. Use some thin card to protect the ring from the vice. This is going in your cock you do not want microabrasions on the metal that either cut you or provide a home for bacteria. What I mean is put card either side of the ring before you clamp the vice.

Starting with the grinding wheel you want to flatten off the front and back of the ball. Note that they are not parallel but slightly angled in. Make sure you do both sides evenly so you have room to grind a slot later without reaching the screw in the middle of the ball. Also be careful of the relative angle the ring comes out of the ball. That decides how steep or shallow it enters your pa. Use the plastic rings as a template!!

Use water to keep the metal cool if you need to, and keep taking it from the vice and trying in the chastity tube until it is a nice fit. It should end up deep in the lock hole with none of the ball protruding from the hole.

Now it gets a bit harder. With it in the hole turn the lock hard until it leaves a tiny mark on the flat surface of the ball. Use some ink on it if that helps. You need to know where to cut the slot for the lock.

Get your cut off wheels. Depending on thickness you may need 2-3 of them to match the thickness of the locking slot in the plastic ring. Put these on the dremel and you now have a thick wheel that can be used to grind a slot in the flat surface of the ball. Start slow, get the position right! Wear eye protection! Regularly trying the ring in the tube to make sure the slot is correrly placed, and that you don't go deeper than needed. Too deep and you will cut off the threads inside the ball. Eventually you will have a ball with two flat sides, a horizontal slot, it fits nice and snug in the tube and locks in place.

Finally smooth off any sharp edges.

During this process I found that the ball often unscrewed as I ground it. Tighten it up when you need. Once it's a bit flat you can put it against the flat top of the vice to stop further spinning. At the end tighten the ball until the slot is in the right direction to fit the pa-5000 with the ring protruding forwards. Again use the plastic ring as a template.

Last step. Cut off the other end of the horseshoe to a length you prefer. Round off the sharp edge well, this is going to go through your pa regularly it needs to be round, not square and definitely not sharp!! Maybe use a nail file to further smooth the metal until you can't feel any roughness.

Now wash it well and put it on. Hand over the key and be afraid. This baby can't easily be snapped off!

No pubic hair, ever

Well it's official. Sandy has decided she prefers me hairless and has told me to get it lasered off. After mulling the idea for a while I had kind of got attached to my manly dark hair again but it seems having experienced me bare she prefers it.

So I will be getting lasered starting last weekend.

I was not given too much of a choice :) I'm not often playing sub to her these days but at some level she still considers herself to be in charge. This is one of those occasions.

Alter egos

Pet, goddess, cad.

All names I've recently heard on the scene for alter egos, in some cases even a normal but different name will do. Which led to a discussion about power exchange in a long term relationship. Is it possible for the majority of us or does it eventually reach a level equilibrium without too much excess.

I know there are exceptions. Please don't identify this or that exception. But i ask, for most of us can it be done? I am a pretty demanding dom, but found myself wondering if the darker recesses of that persona could come out with someone I had lived with, had children with. Would pet get the best part of me while my wife would be treated with kid gloves in comparison. In other words do I need to separate myself from my life partner to be truly dominant.

Vice versa for a sub.

It's something that has me thinking now, and also wondering if I'm unusual in these thoughts, or if the alter ego is other people's way of separating themselves to help them manage this problem.