tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post2473885941728724931..comments2023-10-30T07:43:04.640+00:00Comments on Well Outside Vanilla!: A scream out in the night. MyKeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02225868106939211859noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-28564994247279673952013-02-13T21:48:03.965+00:002013-02-13T21:48:03.965+00:00You don't sound like a diva at all, just a reg...You don't sound like a diva at all, just a regular, normal human being. When two people really love each other and yet their sex drives don't match up, I think that non-monogamy can be one of the only ways to prevent that situation from being a dealbreaker.SexyLittleIdeashttp://sexylittleideas.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-77205217308892489132012-10-04T17:20:09.021+01:002012-10-04T17:20:09.021+01:00Hi Tamara
Yes that's an option. In fact I'...Hi Tamara<br /><br />Yes that's an option. In fact I'm considering it fairly seriously but my fear is that without enough intimacy at home it will lead to a distance between my wife and I, as eventually break up. It would have to be handled very carefully. Until now I've not availed myself of the openness for anything other than some very light hearted occasional play. MyKeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225868106939211859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-23451919477449362462012-10-04T16:55:25.108+01:002012-10-04T16:55:25.108+01:00I haven't read too much of your blog, but I un...I haven't read too much of your blog, but I understand you are living in an open marriage.<br />So, maybe you should find yourself a girlfriend, someone to fulfill your sexual needs. - Might this be an option for you?Tamarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13036588226473774744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-68028872107973932222012-10-04T16:14:46.682+01:002012-10-04T16:14:46.682+01:00Things aren't that simple I'm afraid, but ...Things aren't that simple I'm afraid, but thanks for the comments. <br /><br />She isn't on birth control. <br />Work and home life is busy, but nothing can change on that front. We long ago made the improvements that are possible short of stopping work. Which isn't viable. <br />We spend a lot of time in each others company just being friends. <br />She has a reasonable non work social life. <br /><br />She knows what's in this post. We have talked it to death. <br />She has been to a counsellor. The problem isn't lack of communication or anything like that. It's simply that she needs much less than I, and except when she is off work the gap is too large to manage well. <br /><br />The only cyclical things at the moment would take us back from a very low point to a low point. The only high points we have had consistently are when she has much more time off. And as i said, that's not viable. Otherwise yes things will improve, but improve enough for me to be happy enough to stay? That's what scares me, short term yes, long term perhaps not. <br /><br /><br /><br />MyKeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225868106939211859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-42507913131497279392012-10-04T15:58:50.200+01:002012-10-04T15:58:50.200+01:001. Show her this post.
2. Arrange for the two of y...1. Show her this post.<br />2. Arrange for the two of you to meet with a relationship counsellor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-48847040716804889782012-10-04T09:25:07.298+01:002012-10-04T09:25:07.298+01:00Most couples have their erotic ups and downs - thi...Most couples have their erotic ups and downs - this is a very couple-unfriendly era.<br /><br />Just some ideas from my own experience and comparing notes with others:<br /><br />What contraception is she on? That can play havoc with hormones. <br /><br />What's her work life balance like? What's her work itself like? How are your material circumstances? Evolutionary psychology can switch off a woman's sex drive whenever the primitive part of the brain detects a time of trouble or of low energy. (Also when they have a young child.)<br /><br />Does she have a social life outside work? Mental stimulation is often a prerequisite for feeling like a sexual adult. Perhaps she needs to get a buzz from her friends before she can get a buzz from you.<br /><br />Do you take time to be be together just the two of you for non-sexual things? There's this thing called courtship...<br /><br />Most of all, is your and her situation dynamic? Are there things in her life that drain her energy and attention that will pass? Then you have reason for optimism.Giles Englishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06078027627281038866noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-326404554588766392012-10-04T07:39:56.437+01:002012-10-04T07:39:56.437+01:00Oh, i took care of that b4 i wrote my comment:)Oh, i took care of that b4 i wrote my comment:)Ayeshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13021584294809647967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-22196322984759084922012-10-04T07:34:32.109+01:002012-10-04T07:34:32.109+01:00If you look back you will see it wasn't always...If you look back you will see it wasn't always like this. For a while it looked like we had solved our problems and all was good. That's when the blog started and was named. <br /><br />MyKeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225868106939211859noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7561034721215189211.post-74668231431441206602012-10-04T06:38:31.689+01:002012-10-04T06:38:31.689+01:00Rest assured u r not alone. Many want to scream fo...Rest assured u r not alone. Many want to scream for the same reasons. Some do. Most do not. All common stuff really. But why do u call ur blog "Well Outside Vanilla". Ur situation and how u react to it seems pretty vanilla to me.Ayeshahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13021584294809647967noreply@blogger.com